• “Numvaga ari nk’aho umugabo wanjye ahora anca inyuma.”

• “Numvaga mfite ikimwaro, ntari mwiza nk’abandi kandi nta gaciro mfite.”

• “Nta muntu nashoboraga kubibwira, ahubwo nashiriragamo.”

• “Numvaga Yehova atanyitaho.”

Ayo magambo agaragaza ukuntu umugore ababara cyane, iyo umugabo we areba porunogarafiya. Nanone iyo umugabo amaze amezi cyangwa imyaka ayireba mu ibanga, bishobora gutuma umugore we atongera kumugirira icyizere. Hari umugore wavuze ati: “Nasanze burya ntari nzi umugabo wanjye. Buriya se nta bindi bintu ampisha?”

Iyi ngingo igamije gufasha umugore ufite umugabo ureba porunogarafiya. a Turi burebe amahame yo muri Bibiliya yamuhumuriza, akamwizeza ko Yehova amushyigikiye, kandi akamufasha kugira amahoro yo mu mutima no gukomeza kuba incuti ya Yehova. b

Nubwo udashobora kugenzura ibintu byose umugabo wawe akora, hari icyo wakora kugira ngo ukomeze gutuza no kugira amahoro yo mu mutima. Reka turebe bimwe mu byo wakora.

Ntukishinje amakosa. Umugore ashobora gutekereza ko ari we utuma umugabo we areba porunogarafiya. Alice c we yatangiye kumva atari mwiza nk’abandi. Yaribazaga ati: “Kuki umugabo wanjye andutisha abandi bagore?” Iyo abagore bamwe na bamwe bamenye ko abagabo babo bareba porunogarafiya bararakara cyane, maze nyuma yaho bakishinja amakosa, bumva ko bari gutuma ibintu birushaho kuba bibi. Urugero, Danielle ufite umugabo warebaga porunogarafiya yaravuze ati: “Nararakaraga cyane, ku buryo natangiye kumva ko ari njye uteza ibibazo mu muryango wacu.”

Niba nawe ari uko wiyumva, ujye uzirikana ko Yehova atabona ko ari wowe utuma umugabo wawe akora amakosa. Muri Yakobo 1:14 hagira hati: “Umuntu wese ageragezwa iyo arehejwe n’irari rye rimushukashuka” (Rom 14:12; Fili 2:12). Ubwo rero, Yehova ntakubaraho amakosa, ahubwo yishimira ko ukomeza kumubera indahemuka.—2 Ngoma 16:9.

Nanone ntukumve ko kuba umugabo wawe areba porunogarafiya, bisobanura ko utari mwiza nk’abandi. Hari abahanga bavuze ko kureba porunogarafiya,  bituma umugabo agira irari ry’ibitsina rirenze urugero, ku buryo nta mugore n’umwe warihaza.

Jya wirinda guhangayika cyane. Catherine yavuze ko kuba umugabo we yararebaga porunogarafiya, byamuteshaga umutwe cyane, akaba ari byo atekerezaho gusa. Umugore witwa Frances we yaravuze ati: “Igihe cyose ntazi aho umugabo wanjye ari, ndahangayika cyane. Mara umunsi wose nta mahoro mfite.” Nanone hari abagore bumva bafite ikimwaro, iyo bari kumwe n’abavandimwe na bashiki bacu bashobora kuba bazi ikibazo abagabo babo bafite. Icyakora hari abandi bumva ari bonyine, kuko baba bumva ko nta muntu wiyumvisha ikibazo bahanganye na cyo.

Kwiyumva utyo ni ibintu bisanzwe. Ariko ukomeje kubitekerezaho, nta kindi byakumarira uretse gutuma uhangayika cyane. Ahubwo, jya uhugira mu bintu byatuma ukomeza kuba incuti ya Yehova. Ibyo bizatuma ukomeza kwihanganira icyo kibazo uhanganye na cyo.—Zab 62:2; Efe 6:10.

Muri Bibiliya harimo inkuru z’abagore bahuye n’ibibazo, maze bagasenga Yehova akabafasha. Gusoma izo nkuru no kuzitekerezaho, bishobora nawe kugufasha. Yego si ko buri gihe Yehova yabakuriragaho ibibazo babaga bafite, ariko yabahaga amahoro yo mu mutima. Urugero, Hana yahuye n’ikibazo cyatumye agira “agahinda kenshi.” Icyo gihe yamaze “umwanya munini asengera imbere ya Yehova.” Ibyo byatumye agira amahoro yo mu mutima, nubwo atari azi uko byari kugenda nyuma yaho.—1 Sam 1:10, 12, 18; 2 Kor 1:3, 4.

Nanone ujye usaba abasaza b’itorero bagufashe. Bashobora kukubera “nk’aho kwikinga umuyaga n’aho kugama imvura y’amahindu” (Yes 32:2). Bashobora no kukubwira mushiki wacu wajya ubwira uko wiyumva, maze akaguhumuriza.—Imig 17:17.

Ese ushobora gufasha umugabo wawe, akareka kureba porunogarafiya? Birashoboka. Bibiliya ivuga ko “ababiri baruta umwe” kuko baba bashobora guhangana n’ikibazo gikomeye, bakagitsinda (Umubw 4:9-12). Ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko iyo umugabo n’umugore bashyize hamwe, akenshi bifasha umugabo wabaswe no kureba porunogarafiya, kandi bigatuma n’umugore we yongera kumugirira icyizere.

Birumvikana ko kugira ngo ufashe umugabo wawe, ahanini bizaterwa n’uko na we yiyemeje gukora uko ashoboye, ngo areke kureba porunogarafiya. Ese  yinginze Yehova amusaba imbaraga zo kureka iyo ngeso, kandi asaba abasaza ko bamufasha (2 Kor 4:7; Yak 5:14, 15)? Ese yaba yarafashe ingamba zatuma atongera kureba porunogarafiya? Urugero, ese yagabanyije igihe amara akoresha ibikoresho bya elegitoronike, kandi yirinda imimerere yatuma yongera kuyireba (Imig 27:12)? Ese yifuza ko umufasha, kandi yiyemeje kukubwiza ukuri? Niba ari byo, ushobora kumufasha.

None se wamufasha ute? Reka dufate urugero. Umugore witwa Felicia yashakanye n’umugabo witwa Ethan, wari warabaswe no kureba porunogarafiya akiri muto. Felicia yorohereza umugabo we, ku buryo iyo yongeye kugira icyifuzo cyo kuyireba, abimubwira. Ethan yaravuze ati: “Mubwiza ukuri kandi nkamubwira ibintu byose. Amfasha gufata ingamba zatuma ntongera kuyireba, kandi buri gihe akambaza uko bimeze. Nanone amfasha kugabanya igihe mara kuri interinete.” Felicia ababazwa n’uko hari igihe Ethan aba ashaka kureba porunogarafiya. Ariko yaravuze ati: “Kurakara no kugira agahinda, si byo byamufasha guhangana n’icyo kigeragezo. Ariko iyo tumaze kuganira ku kibazo afite, mboneraho kumubwira ukuntu ibyo akora bimbabaza. Ibyo bituma na we yiyemeza kureka kureba porunogarafiya, kandi agakora uko ashoboye ngo nongere kumugirira icyizere.”

Kuganira gutyo bishobora gutuma umugabo yirinda kureba porunogarafiya, kandi bigatuma n’umugore we yongera kumugirira icyizere. Iyo umugabo abwira umugore we intege nke ze, buri munsi akamubwira ibyo arimo gukora n’aho agiye, bishobora gutuma umugore we yongera kumugirira icyizere, kuko aba abona nta cyo amuhisha.

Ese nawe wumva wakora ibyo tumaze kuvuga haruguru, kugira ngo ufashe umugabo wawe? Niba ari byo, mushobora gusomera hamwe ibivugwa muri iyi ngingo, kandi mukabiganiraho. Mu gihe muzaba muyiganiraho, umugabo wawe azabe afite intego yo kureka kureba porunogarafiya, no gukora uko ashoboye kugira ngo wongere kumwizera. Aho kugira ngo arakazwe n’uko ushaka ko muganira ku kibazo afite, yagombye kugerageza kwiyumvisha uko wiyumva. Nanone mu gihe muganira, ujye uba ufite intego yo kumufasha kureka kureba porunogarafiya, no kumwereka ko witeguye kongera kumugirira icyizere. Mujye murebera hamwe impamvu zituma abantu bagwa mu mutego wo kureba porunogarafiya, n’icyo bakora ngo bareke kuyireba. d

Niba mutinya ko kuganira kuri icyo kibazo bishobora gutuma murakara, mushobora gusaba  umusaza w’itorero mwese mwisanzuraho, akazaba ahari. Mujye muzirikana ko nubwo uwari ufite ikibazo cyo kureba porunogarafiya yabireka, kongera kumugirira icyizere bishobora gufata igihe. Icyakora ntimugacike intege. Niba hari ibintu byiza bigenda biba mu muryango wanyu, mujye mubyishimira, nubwo byaba byoroheje. Mujye muzirikana ko nimukomeza kwihangana, nyuma y’igihe muzongera kugira urugo rwiza.—Umubw 7:8; 1 Kor 13:4.

None se niba umugabo wawe yongeye kureba porunogarafiya kandi yari yarabiretse, byaba bivuze ko atihana kandi ko nta garuriro? Si ko bimeze byanze bikunze. Icyakora niba yarabaswe no kuyireba, bishobora gutuma mu buzima bwe bwose ahora ahatana, kugira ngo atongera kuyireba. Hari n’igihe ashobora kugwa mu mutego wo kongera kuyireba, kandi yari amaze imyaka myinshi yarabiretse. Ubwo rero kugira ngo atongera kugwa muri uwo mutego, agomba gufata ingamba zitajenjetse, kandi agakomeza kuzikurikiza, nubwo yaba amaze igihe yararetse kuyireba (Imig 28:14; Mat 5:29; 1 Kor 10:12). Agomba guhindura ‘imbaraga zikoresha ubwenge,’ kandi ‘akanga ibibi’ ni ukuvuga porunogarafiya n’ibindi bikorwa byose by’umwanda, urugero nko kwikinisha (Efe 4:23; Zab 97:10; Rom 12:9). Ese yiteguye gukora ibyo byose? Niba ari ko bimeze, ntiyarenze igaruriro. Humura ashobora guhinduka. e

None se wakora iki niba uwo mwashakanye nta cyo akora ngo areke kureba porunogarafiya? Birumvikana ko bizajya bituma wumva ubabaye, ukarakara kandi ukumva yaragutengushye. Ujye ubibwira Yehova, kandi bizatuma ugira amahoro yo mu mutima (1 Pet 5:7). Nanone ujye usenga, wiyigishe kandi utekereze ku byo usoma, kuko bizatuma ukomeza kuba incuti ye. Nubigenza utyo, Yehova na we azaba incuti yawe. Nk’uko muri Yesaya 57:15 habivuga, Yehova ‘abana n’ushenjaguwe n’uwiyoroshya,’ kugira ngo amufashe kongera kugira ibyishimo. Jya ukora uko ushoboye ukomeze kuba Umukristo w’intangarugero. Nanone ujye usaba abasaza bagufashe. Ujye ukomeza kurangwa n’icyizere, wenda nta wamenya hari igihe yazahinduka mu gihe kiri imbere.—Rom 2:4; 2 Pet 3:9.