Mu gihe abashakanye bafite icyo batumvikanaho

N’UBWO nta mugabo cyangwa umugore ushyira mu gaciro wakwishimira intonganya zo mu muryango, ibyo ntibibuza ko zibaho incuro nyinshi. Iyo bijya gutangira, umwe mu bashakanye agira atya akavuga ikintu kikababaza undi. Ubwo bahita batangira gusakuza bakarakaranya cyane, bagatongana babwirana amagambo yo guseserezanya. Nyuma y’aho hakurikiraho kurebana ay’ingwe, buri wese mu bashakanye akanga kuvugisha undi. Igihe kirahita uburakari bugashira bagasabana imbabazi. Amahoro arongera agahinda, kugeza nibura igihe bazongera kugira ikindi bapfa.

Ukutumvikana hagati y’abashakanye ni ikintu cyakunze kuvugwaho kenshi cyane mu rwenya ndetse no mu biganiro byo kuri televiziyo, nyamara mu by’ukuri nta gishekeje kirimo. Koko rero, hari umugani wo muri Bibiliya ugira uti “habaho uwihutira kuvuga amagambo yicana nk’inkota” (Imigani 12:18). Ni koko, amagambo akarishye ashobora gusiga ibikomere mu byiyumvo, bishobora no kumara igihe kirekire cyane nyuma y’aho izo ntonganya zirangiriye. Kujya impaka bishobora no kuvamo imirwano.—Kuva 21:18.

Kubera ko nyine tudatunganye, ibibazo ntibibura kuvuka rimwe na rimwe hagati y’abashakanye (Itangiriro 3:16; 1 Abakorinto 7:28). Ariko kandi, intonganya zikaze kandi zibaho kenshi ntizagombye kwirengagizwa ngo ni uko ari ibintu bisanzwe bibaho. Abashakashatsi bagaragaje ko iyo mu muryango hakunze kurangwa intonganya cyane, birushaho gutuma abashakanye kera kabaye bashobora kuzatandukana. Ku bw’ibyo rero, ni iby’ingenzi ko wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mwitoza kujya mukemura mu mahoro ibyo mutumvikanaho.

Mufate umwanya wo gusuzuma aho ikibazo kiri

Niba incuro nyinshi ukunze gutongana n’uwo mwashakanye, gerageza gutahura niba izo ntonganya buri gihe ziterwa n’ibintu bimwe. Harya ubundi bigenda bite iyo wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mufite icyo mutumvikanaho? Ese ibyari ikiganiro bihita bidogera bigahindukamo gutukana no guterana amagambo? Niba ari uko bigenda se, ni iki ushobora gukora?

Mbere na mbere, isuzume utibereye urebe uruhare wowe ku giti cyawe ushobora kuba ufite muri icyo kibazo. Mbese urakazwa n’ubusa? Ese uri umuntu usanzwe ukunda kujya impaka? Uwo mwashakanye we abivugaho iki? Ni ngombwa gusuzuma icyo kibazo cya nyuma, kubera ko wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mushobora kuba mutavuga rumwe ku cyo kujya impaka bisobanura.

Urugero, reka tuvuge ko uwo mwashakanye ari umuntu udakunze kuvuga menshi, mu gihe wowe ukunda kuvuga ukuri kose kandi ukavugana ibyiyumvo cyane mu gihe ushaka kumvikanisha icyo utekereza. Wenda ushobora kuvuga uti “kuva nkiri umwana, uku ni ko buri wese mu muryango wacu yavugaga. Nta bwo ari ukujya impaka rwose!” Kandi ushobora koko kuba wumva ko atari ukujya impaka. Ariko, birashoboka ko ibyo wowe ushobora kubona ko ari ukuvuga ibintu udaciye ku ruhande, uwo mwashakanye we yakumva ko urimo umugisha impaka ukoresheje amagambo yo kumurwanya no kumukomeretsa. Kumenya gusa ko wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mufite uburyo butandukanye bwo kumvikanisha ibyo mutekereza, bishobora kubafasha kwirinda kugira ibyo mupfa.

 Ikindi kandi, ujye wibuka ko kujya impaka atari ko buri gihe bisaba gusakuza. Pawulo yandikiye Abakristo agira ati “mwamaganire kure . . . intonganya no gusebanya” (Abefeso 4:31, Inkuru Nziza ku Muntu Wese). “Intonganya” zumvikanisha kuvugira hejuru, mu gihe “gusebanya” byo byumvikanisha ibikubiye mu magambo umuntu avuga. Duhereye kuri ibyo, amagambo uvugiye mu matamatama na yo ashobora kuba ari nko kujya impaka, mu gihe uyavuze ushaka gusesereza cyangwa kumvisha uwo uyabwira ko nta cyo ari cyo.

Mu gihe ukizirikana ibyo tumaze kuvuga, ongera usuzume uko wifata mu gihe ufite icyo utumvikanaho n’uwo mwashakanye. Mbese ukunda kumugisha impaka? Nk’uko twabibonye, igisubizo nyacyo cy’icyo kibazo kizaterwa ahanini n’uko uwo mwashakanye we abibona. Aho kutita ku cyo uwo mwashakanye abitekerezaho uvuga ko ari umuntu urakazwa n’ubusa, gerageza kwibona nk’uko we akubona kandi niba ari ngombwa ugire ibyo ukosora. Pawulo yaranditse ati “ntihakagire umuntu wizirikana ubwe, ahubwo azirikane na mugenzi we.”—1 Abakorinto 10:24.

“Mwirinde uko mwumva”

Ubundi buryo bwo gukemura ibyo mutumvikanaho buboneka mu magambo ya Yesu agira ati “mwirinde uko mwumva” (Luka 8:18). Mu by’ukuri Yesu ntiyavugaga ibyo gushyikirana hagati y’abashakanye. Ariko kandi, hakubiyemo ihame ribyerekezaho. Ni mu buhe buryo utega amatwi uwo mwashakanye? Ubundi se ahubwo ujya umutega amatwi? Cyangwa uhita umuca mu ijambo umubwira umuti w’ibibazo utabanje no gutega amatwi ngo usobanukirwe ibyo ari byo neza? Bibiliya igira iti “usubiza bakimubwira, bigaragaza ubupfu bwe n’ubushizi bw’isoni” (Imigani 18:13). Ubwo rero, niba mugize icyo mutumvikanaho, ni ngombwa ko wowe n’uwo mwashakanye muganira kuri icyo kibazo kandi buri wese agatega undi amatwi by’ukuri.

Aho gupfobya uko uwo mwashakanye abona ibintu, gerageza ‘kubabarana’ na we (1 Petero 3:8). Niba uwo mwashakanye hari ikintu kimuhangayikishije, wagombye kubabarana na we. Kora uko ushoboye kose kugira ngo ubone ibintu nk’uko na we abibona.

Uko bigaragara, Isaka watinyaga Imana ni byo yakoze. Bibiliya itubwira ko umugore we Rebeka yari ahangayikishijwe cyane n’ikibazo cyo mu muryango cyarebaga umuhungu we Yakobo. Yabwiye Isaka ati “ubugingo bwanjye burambiwe ba Bahetikazi. Yakobo yarongora Umuhetikazi nka ba bandi, ubugingo bwanjye bwamarira iki?”—Itangiriro 27:46.

Birashoboka koko ko Rebeka yaba yarakabirije icyo kibazo kubera ko yari ahangayitse. Mu by’ukuri se yari yanze ubuzima bwe? Ubwo se koko yari guhitamo gupfa nk’uko yabyivugiraga iyo umuhungu we arongora umukobwa w’Umuhetikazi? Birashoboka ko atari uko byari kugenda. Ariko kandi, Isaka ntiyigeze apfobya ibyiyumvo bya Rebeka. Ahubwo yemeye ko Rebeka yari afite impamvu zumvikana zo guhangayika, kandi yahise agira icyo akora (Itangiriro 28:1). Nawe uzabigenze utyo igihe uwo mwashakanye azaba afite ikimuhangayikishije. Aho kubyirengagiza nk’aho nta cyo bivuze, tega amatwi uwo mwashakanye, wubahe ibitekerezo bye kandi umusubize wishyira mu mwanya we.

Gutega amatwi no kugira amakenga

Hari umugani wo muri Bibiliya ugira uti “amakenga umuntu afite amubuza kwihutira kurakara” (Imigani 19:11). Mu gihe mufite icyo mutumvikanaho, biroroshye cyane kwihutira gusubiza buri jambo ryose ridakwiriye uwo mwashakanye avuze. Icyakora, incuro nyinshi ibyo nta kindi bimara  uretse gutuma intonganya zirushaho kwiyongera. Bityo rero, mu gihe utega amatwi uwo mwashakanye, iyemeze kutazajya wumva amagambo akubwiye gusa ahubwo ujye wumva n’ibyiyumvo avuganye ayo magambo. Kugira amakenga nk’ayo bizagufasha kutibanda gusa ku byakubabaje kandi bizatuma ugera ku muzi w’ikibazo.

Urugero, tekereza wenda ko umugore wawe akubwiye ati “ntujya na rimwe umarana nanjye igihe runaka.” Ushobora guhita urakara ugahakana ibyo avuze, ukamubwirana ubukana icyo wowe wumva ko ari ko kuri. Ushobora kumusubiza uti “mu kwezi gushize siniriranywe nawe umunsi wose?” Ariko uramutse uteze amatwi witonze, ushobora kubona ko mu by’ukuri umugore wawe ataba agusaba kumarana nawe ikindi gihe. Ahubwo, ashobora kuba ashaka ko umuhumuriza, ashaka kukubwira ko yumva utakimwitayeho kandi ko utakimukunda.

Reka tuvuge ko uri umugore kandi umugabo wawe akaba akubwiye ko ahangayikishijwe n’ikintu gishya waguze. Ashobora kukubaza yumva atabyumva neza ati “ubwo koko wabitekereje ute kugira ngo ujye gutanga amafaranga menshi kuriya?” Ushobora guhita ushaka kwisobanura umubwira uko amafaranga mufite mu muryango angana cyangwa ukagereranya icyo waguze n’ikindi kintu we aherutse kugura. Icyakora, kugira amakenga bishobora kugufasha kubona ko icyo umugabo wawe arimo avuga gishobora kuba atari ikibazo cy’amafaranga. Ahubwo ashobora kuba ahangayikishijwe n’uko wafashe uwo mwanzuro utamubwiye kandi wari ugiye kugura ikintu gihenze.

Birumvikana ariko ko buri mugore n’umugabo bafite uburyo bwabo bwo gukemura ibibazo birebana n’igihe bagomba kumarana cyangwa imyanzuro irebana n’ibyo bagomba kugura. Isomo twabikuramo ni uko mu gihe wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mufite ibyo mutumvikanaho, kugira amakenga bizakubuza kwihutira kurakara kandi bigufashe gusobanukirwa aho ikibazo nyacyo kiri. Aho kugira icyo uvuga uhubutse, kurikiza inama ya Yakobo, umwanditsi wa Bibiliya, idutera inkunga yo ‘kwihutira kumva ariko tugatinda kuvuga, kandi tugatinda kurakara.’—Yakobo 1:19.

Mu gihe ugize icyo uvuga, jya wibuka ko uko uvuga ubwira uwo mwashakanye ari iby’ingenzi. Bibiliya igira iti “ururimi rw’umunyabwenge rurakiza” (Imigani 12:18). Mbese mu gihe wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mugize icyo mutumvikanaho, amagambo muvuga aba akomeretsa cyangwa aba akiza? Ese atuma mutongera kuvugana cyangwa atuma mwongera kwiyunga? Nk’uko twamaze kubibona, umujinya cyangwa kugira icyo usubiza uhubutse nta kindi bimara uretse gutuma murushaho gutongana.—Imigani 29:22.

Niba uko kutumvikana kuvuyemo guterana amagambo murakaye, shyiraho imihati kugira ngo  ukemure ikibazo cy’ingenzi mutavugaho rumwe. Tekereza ku mpamvu yatumye mutongana, witekereza ku muntu. Ujye ushishikazwa no kumenya igikwiriye gukorwa icyo ari cyo, aho gushaka kumenya ufite ukuri uwo ari we. Ujye witonda kugira ngo amagambo yawe atenyegeza izo ntonganya. Bibiliya ivuga ko “ijambo ribabaza ribyutsa umujinya” (Imigani 15:1). Koko rero, ibyo uvuga ndetse n’uko ubivuga bishobora gutuma murushaho gushyikirana neza n’uwo mwashakanye.

Iyemeze guhosha amakimbirane aho gushaka gutsinda

Mu gihe dufite ibyo tutumvikanaho, intego yagombye kuba iyo gukemura icyo kibazo aho gushaka gutsinda uwo tujya impaka. Ni gute ushobora kubonera icyo kibazo umuti? Uburyo bwizewe kurusha ubundi bwose ni ugushaka inama zishingiye kuri Bibiliya no kuzishyira mu bikorwa, kandi by’umwihariko abagabo ni bo bagombye gufata iya mbere mu kubikora. Aho gushaka gutanga ibitekerezo utsimbarayeho ku bibazo ibi n’ibi mujyaho impaka, kuki mutagerageza kumenya icyo Yehova abitekerezaho? Mujye musenga Yehova kandi mushake amahoro y’Imana azarinda imitima yanyu n’ibyo mwibwira (Abefeso 6:18; Abafilipi 4:6, 7). Shyiraho imihati ivuye ku mutima kugira ngo utazirikana inyungu zawe bwite gusa, ahubwo uzirikane n’iz’uwo mwashakanye.—Abafilipi 2:4.

Igikunze gutuma ibintu byari bibi birushaho kudogera ni ukureka amagambo akomeretsa akubwiye hamwe n’umujinya ufite, bikaba ari byo biyobora ibitekerezo byawe ndetse n’ibyo ukora. Ku rundi ruhande, kwemera gukosorwa n’Ijambo ry’Imana bihesha amahoro, ubwumvikane n’imigisha ya Yehova (2 Abakorinto 13:11). Ku bw’ibyo, emera kuyoborwa n’ “ubwenge buva mu ijuru,” witoze kugaragaza imico y’Imana maze uzibonere inyungu z’ “abahesha abandi amahoro.”—Yakobo 3:17, 18.

Mu by’ukuri, twese twagombye kwiga gukemura mu mahoro ibyo tutumvikanaho, n’aho byadusaba kwigomwa ibyo twashakaga (1 Abakorinto 6:7). Koko rero, nimucyo dushyire mu bikorwa inama Pawulo yatugiriye agira ati ‘mwiyambure umujinya n’uburakari n’igomwa no gutukana, kandi ntihakagire amagambo ateye isoni aturuka mu kanwa kanyu. Mwiyambure umuntu wa kera n’imirimo ye, mwambare umushya.’—Abakolosayi 3:8-10.

Birumvikana ko hari igihe ushobora kuvuga ikintu nyuma ukicuza impamvu wakivuze (Yakobo 3:8). Ibyo nibikubaho, ujye usaba imbabazi uwo mwashakanye. Komeza gushyiraho imihati. Nyuma y’igihe runaka, wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mushobora kuzabona ko hari ikintu gikomeye cyahindutse mu buryo bwanyu bwo gukemura ibyo mutumvikanaho.

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Uburyo butatu bwo guhosha impaka

• Tega amatwi uwo mwashakanye. Imigani 10:19

• Ujye wubaha ibitekerezo bye. Abafilipi 2:4

• Ujye umusubiza mu buryo bwuje urukundo. 1 Abakorinto 13:4-7

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Icyo wakora uhereye ubu

Baza uwo mwashakanye ibibazo bikurikira kandi utege amatwi ibisubizo aguha utamuciye mu ijambo. Hanyuma uwo mwashakanye na we ashobora kubikubaza.

• Mbese nkunda kujya impaka?

• Ese mu by’ukuri ngutega amatwi iyo ufite icyo ushaka kumbwira cyangwa mpita ngusubiza mpubutse ntabanje no kureka ngo urangize kuvuga?

• Mbese wumva amagambo yanjye arimo uburakari, cyangwa agaragaza ko ntita ku byiyumvo byawe?

• Twembi twakora iki kugira ngo turusheho gushyikirana neza, cyane cyane mu gihe dufite icyo tutumvikanaho?

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Mbese ujya utega amatwi?

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“Numva utakinyitaho kandi utakinkunda”

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“Ntujya na rimwe umarana nanjye igihe runaka!”

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“Mu kwezi gushize siniriranywe nawe umunsi wose?”