Ushobora kuba uzi umuntu watanye n’uwo bashakanye, ndetse wenda ukaba uzi benshi. Ibyo biterwa n’uko gutana kw’abashakanye byogeye. Urugero, ubushakashatsi bwakorewe muri Polonye bwagaragaje ko abantu bafite imyaka 30 bamaze imyaka iri hagati y’itatu n’itandatu bashyingiranywe baba bashobora kuzatana; kandi abafite iyo myaka si bo bonyine baba bashobora gutana.

Koko rero, hari ikigo cyita ku mibereho y’umuryango cyagize kiti “raporo zigaragaza ko kimwe cya kabiri cy’abashyingiranwa [mu Burayi] baba bazatana” (Institute for Family Policy in Spain). Mu bindi bihugu byateye imbere na ho ni uko bimeze.

Ni iki cyihishe inyuma y’icyo cyorezo? Hari umujyanama w’inararibonye mu by’ishyingiranwa wo mu Burayi bw’i Burasirazuba wavuze ati “gutana bishyira ahabona ibiba byaramaze kuba. Imibanire y’abashakanye iba yarazambye, hagakurikiraho gutandukana, kandi ibyo bitera agahinda kenshi.” Yongeyeho ko akenshi nyuma yaho umuntu agira “ibyiyumvo bikomeye; agira uburakari, akumva yicuza, akamanjirwa, akiheba kandi akumva afite ikimwaro.” Rimwe na rimwe ibyo bituma umuntu yumva ashaka kwiyahura. Yakomeje agira ati “iyo urukiko rumaze kwemeza ubutane, umuntu atangira kugira ibindi byiyumvo. Uwatanye yumva nta cyo ari cyo kandi ari mu bwigunge, akaba yakwibaza ati ‘ese ko tumaze gutana, ubu noneho ndi igiki? Ubuzima bwanjye buragana he?’ ”

Ewa yibutse uko yumvaga ameze mu myaka runaka ishize, maze agira ati “igihe nari maze gutana n’uwo twashakanye, iyo abaturanyi n’abo twakoranaga bavugaga ko ndi umugore watanye n’umugabo, numvaga mfite ikimwaro. Byarandakazaga cyane. Kubera ko nasigaranye abana babiri bakiri bato, nagombaga kubabera nyina nkanababera se.” * Adam wamaze imyaka 12 ari umusaza wubahwa yaravuze ati “numva narisuzuguye cyane ku buryo rimwe na rimwe numva mfite umujinya, kandi nkumva nakwitarura abandi.”

Nyuma yo gutana, hari bamwe bamara imyaka myinshi bahatanira kongera gutuza kubera ko baba bahangayikishijwe n’imibereho yabo yo mu gihe kizaza. Bashobora kumva ko abandi batabitayeho. Ikindi kandi, hari umunyamakuru wandika ibirebana no gutana wavuze ko abatanye n’abo bashakanye “baba bagomba kugira ibyo bahindura maze bakiga guhangana n’ibibazo bonyine.”

Stanisław agira ati “igihe nari maze gutana n’umugore wanjye, yangaga ko mbonana n’udukobwa twanjye tubiri. Ibyo byatumye numva ko nta muntu wari ukinyitayeho, kandi ko na Yehova agomba kuba yarantaye. Numvaga ntagishaka kubaho. Nyuma y’igihe nabonye ko nari mfite imitekerereze idakwiriye.”  Umugore witwa Wanda watanye n’umugabo we na we yumvaga ahangayikishijwe n’imibereho ye yo mu gihe kizaza. Yagize ati “numvaga rwose ko abantu bose, hakubiyemo n’abo duhuje ukwizera, batari kujya banyitaho, ntibite no ku bana banjye. Ariko kandi, ubu mbona ko abavandimwe batwitayeho kandi baramfashije mu gihe nihatiraga kurera abana banjye kugira ngo bazabe abagaragu ba Yehova.”

Uhereye ku byo abo bantu bagiye bavuga, ushobora kubona ko bamwe bagira ibitekerezo bidakwiriye iyo bamaze gutana n’abo bashakanye. Bashobora kumva biyanze, bagatekereza ko nta cyo bamaze kandi ko badakwiriye kwitabwaho. Uretse n’ibyo, bashobora gutangira kunenga abandi. Ibyo bishobora gutuma batangira gutekereza ko abagize itorero batabakunda, kandi ko batishyira mu mwanya wabo. Ariko kandi, ibyabaye kuri Stanisław na Wanda bigaragaza ko abatanye n’abo bashakanye bashobora kugera aho bakabona ko abavandimwe na bashiki bacu babitaho rwose. Mu by’ukuri, Abakristo bagenzi babo babitayeho cyane, nubwo mu mizo ya mbere batabibonaga.

Uzirikane ko nubwo twaba dukora uko dushoboye kose kugira ngo twite kuri bagenzi bacu duhuje ukwizera batanye n’abo bashakanye, hari igihe bashobora kumva bari mu bwigunge. Mu buryo bwihariye, bashiki bacu duhuje ukwizera bashobora gutekereza ko abantu batabitaho. Uwitwa Alicja yagize ati “hashize imyaka umunani ntandukanye n’umugabo wanjye. Ariko n’ubu hari igihe numva nisuzuguye. Mu bihe nk’ibyo, mba numva nakwitarura abandi maze nkarira, kandi mba numva mpangayikishijwe cyane n’ibibazo byanjye.”

Nubwo umuntu watanye n’uwo bashakanye atabura kugira ibyiyumvo nk’ibyo tumaze kuvuga, Bibiliya itanga inama ivuga ko kwitarura abandi bidakwiriye. Gukora ibinyuranye n’iyo nama bishobora gutuma umuntu yanga “ubwenge bwose” (Imig 18:​1). Icyakora, umuntu wumva ari mu bwigunge yagombye gusobanukirwa ko iyo yirinze guhora ashakira ihumure n’inama ku wo badahuje igitsina, aba agaragaje ubwenge. Ibyo bibarinda kugirana urukundo rw’agahararo.

Bagenzi bacu duhuje ukwizera batanye n’abo bashakanye bashobora kugira ibyiyumvo bibabuza amahwemo, harimo kumva bahangayikishijwe n’imibereho yabo yo mu gihe kizaza, ndetse bakumva bari mu bwigunge cyangwa ko abandi batabitaho. Kuzirikana ko kugira ibyiyumvo nk’ibyo ari ibintu bisanzwe kandi ko kubinesha bitoroha byagombye gutuma twigana Yehova, tugakomeza gushyigikira abo bavandimwe na bashiki bacu (Zab 55:​22; 1 Pet 5:​6, 7). Dushobora kwiringira tudashidikanya ko bazishimira cyane ubufasha bwose tuzabaha. Mu by’ukuri, mu itorero bazahabona incuti nyakuri zizabafasha.​—Imig 17:​17; 18:​24.