Kurerera abana mu isi itagira icyo yitaho

ESE waba waritegereje umwana usaba umubyeyi we igikinisho, ariko uwo mubyeyi adashaka kukimugurira? Waba se waritegereje umwana ushaka kwiruka ngo ajye gukina kandi ababyeyi be bamubujije? Mu mimerere nk’iyo, muzibonera ko umubyeyi aba ashaka gukorera umwana ibintu byiza kurusha ibindi. Icyakora, incuro nyinshi uwo mubyeyi ageraho akagamburura. Iyo umwana akomeje gutitiriza arira, umubyeyi ashobora kwemera ibyo yari yahakanye.

Ababyeyi benshi basa n’aho bemera ko kurera umwana neza bisobanura kumwemerera ibintu hafi ya byose yifuza. Urugero, muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe z’Amerika hakozwe iperereza ku bana 750 bafite imyaka iri hagati ya 12 na 17. Igihe babazaga abo bana uko babyitwaramo iyo ababyeyi babimye ibyo bashakaga, abagera kuri 60 ku ijana bashubije ko bakomeza gutitiriza. Abagera kuri 55 ku ijana bavuze ko gutitiriza bituma ababyeyi babo bageraho bakava ku izima. Ababyeyi bashobora kwibwira ko uko kujenjeka ari byo bigaragaza ko bakunda abana babo. Ariko se ibyo ni ukuri?

Reka dusuzume umugani wo muri Bibiliya urimo ubwenge. Uwo mugani ugira uti “umugaragu wateteshejwe kuva mu buto bwe, amaherezo azigomeka” (Imigani 29:21, NW). Ni iby’ukuri ko umwana atari umugaragu. Ariko kandi, ihame riri muri uyu mugani rishobora no gukoreshwa mu birebana no kurera abana. Gutetesha abana ubaha ibyo bifuza byose bishobora gutuma baba ‘ibyigomeke,’ cyangwa bakaba indashima igihe bazaba bamaze gukura.

Ibinyuranye n’ibyo, Bibiliya igira ababyeyi inama igira iti ‘menyereza umwana inzira akwiriye kunyuramo, azarinda asaza atarayivamo’ (Imigani 22:6). Ababyeyi b’abanyabwenge bakurikiza iyo nama bashyiraho amategeko asobanutse, adahindagurika kandi ashyize mu gaciro, hanyuma bagakora ibishoboka byose kugira ngo ayo mategeko yubahirizwe. Abo babyeyi ntibitiranya urukundo no kujenjeka. Nta n’ubwo baha abana babo ibyo babasaba ngo ni uko birijije, babatitirije cyangwa birakaje. Ahubwo bemera inama y’ingirakamaro ya Yesu igira iti “ahubwo Yego yanyu ijye iba Yego, na Oya yanyu ibe Oya” (Matayo 5:37). None se ni mu buhe buryo iyo nama yashyirwa mu bikorwa mu birebana no kurera abana? Reka dusuzume urugero rwiza cyane.

‘Nk’imyambi mu ntoki’

Bibiliya yerekana imishyikirano iba hagati y’umubyeyi n’umwana igaragaza ko umwana aba akeneye ubuyobozi bw’ababyeyi. Zaburi ya 127:4, 5 igira iti “nk’uko imyambi yo mu ntoki z’intwari iri, ni ko abana bo mu busore bamera.  Hahirwa ufite ikirimba kibuzuye.” Ku bw’ibyo, abana bagereranywa n’imyambi, naho ababyeyi bakagereranywa n’intwari ku rugamba. Nk’uko umurashi aba azi ko adashobora kurasa intego mu buryo bw’impanuka, ni na ko umubyeyi ukunda abana be agomba kumenya ko adashobora kubarera neza adashyizeho imihati. Ababyeyi baba bifuza ko abana babo bagera ku “ntego” yo kwishimira ubuzima no kuzaba abantu bakuru basohoza neza inshingano zabo. Bifuza ko abana babo bafata imyanzuro myiza, bakaba abanyabwenge, bakirinda kwikururira ibibazo kandi bakagera ku ntego nziza. Ariko kwifuza ibyo bintu ntibihagije.

None se hakorwa iki kugira ngo umwambi uhamye intego? Uwo mwambi ugomba gutegurwa bihagije, ukarindwa kugira ngo utangirika, ukabonezwa neza ku ntego kandi ukarekuranwa ingufu. Nk’uko bigenda ku mwambi, abana na bo bagomba gutegurwa neza, bakarindwa kandi bagahabwa ubuyobozi kugira ngo bazagire icyo bimarira bamaze gukura. Reka dusuzume ibyo bintu bitatu bifitanye isano no kurera abana.

Gutegura neza umwambi

Imyambi yakoreshwaga n’abarashi bo mu bihe bya Bibiliya yabaga iteguranywe ubwitonzi bwinshi. Ibano, cyangwa igiti cyabaga gikoze umwambi, baribazaga mu giti kitaremera kandi bakaribajisha intoki, ku buryo riba rigororotse uko bishoboka kose. Icyuma cyabaga kiri ku mutwe w’umwambi cyagombaga kuba gityaye. Ahagana ku gice cy’inyuma cy’umwambi bahambiragaho amababa, kugira ngo nibamara kuwurekura udatwarwa n’umuyaga ukayoba.

Ababyeyi bifuza ko abana babo bamera nk’iyo myambi igororotse. Ku bw’ibyo, ababyeyi b’abanyabwenge ntibazirengagiza amakosa akomeye abana babo bakora, ahubwo bazabafasha kuyakosora no kutazayasubira. Bizabasaba imihati myinshi mu gihe bazaba bafasha buri mwana kubera ko “ubupfapfa buhambiriwe ku mutima w’umwana” (Imigani 22:15). Bityo rero, Bibiliya igira ababyeyi inama yo guhana abana babo (Abefeso 6:4). Mu by’ukuri, igihano kigira uruhare runini mu kwigisha umwana no kugorora imitekerereze ye n’imyifatire ye.

Ntibitangaje rero kuba mu Migani 13:24 hagira hati “urinda umwana inkoni aba amwanze, ariko ukunda umwana we amuhana hakiri kare.” Inkoni ivugwa muri uyu murongo igereranya uburyo bwo gukosora uko bwaba bumeze kose. Umubyeyi uhana umwana we mu buryo bwuje urukundo yihatira gukosora amakosa ashobora gushinga imizi, akazatera umwana intimba igihe azaba amaze gukura. Mu by’ukuri, kudahana umwana ni ukumwanga, naho kumuhana ni ukumukunda.

Umubyeyi ukunda umwana we amufasha kumva impamvu ahabwa amategeko. Guhana umwana si ukumuha amategeko n’ibihano gusa, ahubwo ni no kumufasha gusobanukirwa impamvu yabihawe, kandi ibyo ni ibintu by’ingenzi cyane. Bibiliya igira iti ‘uwitondera amategeko ni umwana uzi ubwenge.’—Imigani 28:7.

Amababa umurashi yahambiraga ku myambi ye, yatumaga iyo myambi igenda umujyo umwe iyo yabaga amaze kuyirekura. Kimwe n’iyo myambi, abana bashobora guhabwa inyigisho zo muri Bibiliya zituruka ku Watangije imiryango kugeza igihe baviriye mu rugo, kandi zikazabagirira akamaro ubuzima bwabo bwose (Abefeso 3:14, 15). Ariko se ni mu buhe buryo ababyeyi bashobora kumenya niba izo nyigisho zaragize ingaruka ku mitekerereze y’abana no ku mico yabo, nk’uko ya mababa aba ahambiriye ku mwambi kugira ngo utayoba?

Zirikana inama ababyeyi b’Abisirayeli bahawe n’Imana mu gihe cya Mose. Iyo nama igira iti “aya mategeko ngutegeka uyu munsi ahore ku mutima wawe. Ujye ugira umwete wo kuyigisha abana bawe” (Gutegeka kwa Kabiri 6:6, 7). Hari ibintu bibiri ababyeyi bagomba gukora. Icya mbere, bo ubwabo bagomba kwiga Ijambo ry’Imana kandi bakarishyira mu bikorwa, bityo bakaba abantu bakunda amategeko y’Imana (Zaburi 119:97). Iyo babigenje batyo ni bwo baba bashobora gushyira mu bikorwa ihame rivugwa mu gice cya kabiri cy’uwo murongo, iryo rikaba ari ihame ryo “kwigisha” cyangwa gucengeza mu bana babo amategeko y’Imana. Ibyo bisobanura ko bagomba gucengeza mu mitima y’abana babo akamaro k’ayo mategeko binyuze mu kubigisha neza no kuyabasubiriramo kenshi.

Biragaragara neza ko kwigisha abana amahame yo muri Bibiliya ndetse no kubahana mu buryo bwuje urukundo mu gihe bakoze amakosa akomeye  bitataye agaciro. Ubwo ni bwo buryo bw’ingenzi bwo gutegura abo bana kugira ngo bazakure badateshutse nk’uko “imyambi” yateguwe neza igenda umujyo umwe iboneje ku ntego.

Kurinda umwambi

Reka tugaruke kuri rwa rugero rwo muri Zaburi 127:4, 5. Twibuke ko umurashi ‘yuzuzaga ikirimba’ imyambi. Iyo yabaga amaze gutegura imyambi, yagombaga no kuyirinda. Bityo, umurashi yayishyiraga mu kirimba kugira ngo itangirika cyangwa ngo ivunike. Birashishikaje kuba mu buryo bw’ubuhanuzi Bibiliya igereranya Mesiya n’umwambi usennye, Se ‘arindira mu kirimba cye’ (Yesaya 49:2). Yehova Imana, ari we Mubyeyi wuje urukundo uruta abandi bose, yarinze Yesu, Umwana we akunda cyane. Yamurinze ibibi byose byashoboraga kumugirira nabi mbere y’uko igihe cyari cyaragenwe kigera kugira ngo Mesiya yicwe nk’uko byari byarahanuwe. Ndetse na nyuma y’icyo gihe, Imana yarinze Umwana wayo kugira ngo adaheranwa n’urupfu, imusubiza mu ijuru ari mutaraga, kugira ngo abeho iteka ryose.

Ni muri ubwo buryo ababyeyi beza na bo bagomba kurinda abana babo akaga gaterwa n’iyi si yangiritse. Ibyo ababyeyi bashobora kubikora babuza abana babo gukora ibikorwa bimwe na bimwe bishobora gutuma bitegera ibintu byangiza. Urugero, ababyeyi b’abanyabwenge bita cyane kuri iri hame rigira riti “kwifatanya n’ababi byonona imyifatire myiza” (1 Abakorinto 15:33). Kurinda abana kwifatanya n’abantu batubaha amahame mbwirizamuco yo muri Bibiliya, bizatuma abakiri bato birinda amakosa yazagira ingaruka mbi ku buzima bwabo, cyangwa agatuma batakaza ubuzima.

Abana bashobora kutishimira buri gihe ubwo burinzi bahabwa n’ababyeyi. Mu by’ukuri, rimwe na rimwe kurinda abana bishobora kubarakaza, kubera ko incuro nyinshi biba bikubiyemo no kugira ibyo ubabuza. Hari umwanditsi w’icyamamare wanditse ibitabo bivuga ibyo kurera abana wagize ati “nubwo abana badahita bagaragaza ko bakeneye ubuyobozi cyangwa ngo bahite bashimira ababyeyi babo ako kanya, baba bifuza ko ababyeyi babo babarinda kandi bakabashyiriraho amahame azabagenga mu mibereho yabo. Ibyo dushobora kubikora tuba ababyeyi bagira igitsure kandi babuza abana babo kwitwara uko bashatse.”

Mu by’ukuri, uburyo bw’ingenzi bwo kugaragaza ko ukunda abana bawe ni ukubarinda  ibintu bishobora kubabuza amahoro, bikabahindura ibirara cyangwa bigatuma batemerwa n’Imana. Uko igihe kizagenda gihita, abana bawe bazagenda basobanukirwa impamvu wagiye ubashyiriraho amategeko kandi bazishimira uburinzi wabahaye ubitewe n’urukundo.

Kuboneza umwambi

Twibuke ko muri Zaburi 127:4, 5 hagereranya umubyeyi n’“intwari.” None se ibyo byaba bishaka kuvuga ko uburere bw’abana bureba umubyeyi w’umugabo gusa? Ibyo si ko biri. Mu by’ukuri, ihame riri muri uru rugero rireba ababyeyi b’abagabo n’ab’abagore cyangwa ababyeyi barera abana bonyine (Imigani 1:8). Ijambo “intwari” ryumvikanisha ko gufora umuheto byasabaga imbaraga nyinshi. Mu bihe bya Bibiliya, rimwe na rimwe imiheto yabaga iriho umuringa kandi umusirikare yavugwagaho kuba ari ‘umufozi w’umuheto.’Birashoboka ko umurashi, yagondaga umuheto akoresheje ikirenge kugira ngo ashobore kuwushyiraho injishi (Yeremiya 50:14, 29). Nta gushidikanya ko gukurura iyo njishi yabaga ireze cyane kugira ngo wohereze umwambi ku ntego byasabaga imbaraga n’imihati myinshi!

Mu buryo nk’ubwo, kurera abana bisaba imihati myinshi. Ntibashobora kwirera, nk’uko umwambi udashobora kwirasa ku ntego. Ikibabaje ni uko muri iki gihe ababyeyi benshi basa n’aho badashaka gushyiraho iyo mihati ikenewe kugira ngo barere abana babo mu buryo bukwiriye. Bahitamo guterera iyo. Barareka televiziyo, amashuri n’urungano bikaba ari byo byigisha abana babo ibirebana n’icyiza n’ikibi, amahame mbwirizamuco hamwe n’ibirebana n’ibitsina. Barareka abana babo bagakora ibyo bashaka. Kandi iyo babona guhakanira abana babo ikintu runaka biri bubagore, bapfa kwemera. Incuro nyinshi ababyeyi bisobanura bavuga ko baba badashaka kubabaza abana babo. Mu by’ukuri, uko kubarera bajeyi ni byo bizabatera intimba kandi iyo ntimba imara igihe kirekire.

Kurera abana ni umurimo utoroshye. Nta gushidikanya ko gukora uwo murimo tubigiranye umutima wacu wose kandi tuyobowe n’Ijambo ry’Imana bisaba imihati myinshi. Ariko kandi, ingororano dukuramo ntizigereranywa. Hari ikinyamakuru cyagize kiti “ubushakashatsi bwakozwe bwerekanye ko abana barezwe n’ababyeyi babakunda ariko bagira igitsure, ni ukuvuga ababyeyi bashyigikira abana babo kandi bakabashyiriraho imipaka itajenjetse, batsinda mu ishuri, bakamenya kubana n’abandi, bakigirira icyizere kandi muri rusange bakaba abana bishimye kurusha abarezwe n’ababyeyi batagira icyo bitaho cyangwa b’abanyamwaga.”—Parents.

Hari n’indi ngororano nziza cyane. Tugitangira, twasuzumye igice kibanza cy’umurongo wo mu Migani 22:6 kigira kiti “menyereza umwana inzira akwiriye kunyuramo.” Uwo murongo ukomeza uvuga amagambo asusurutsa umutima agira ati “azarinda asaza atarayivamo.” Ese uyu mugani wahumetswe ni ikimenyetso cy’uko umwana azagira icyo ageraho? Si ko buri gihe umwana agira icyo ageraho. Umwana wawe afite umudendezo wo kwihitiramo kandi namara gukura ni wo azajya akoresha ahitamo hagati y’icyiza n’ikibi. Nubwo bimeze bityo ariko, uyu murongo uha ababyeyi icyizere. Icyo cyizere ni ikihe?

Iyo utoza abana bawe ukurikije inama Bibiliya itanga, uba ubaha uburyo bwiza bwo kuzagira icyo bageraho. Abo bana baba bashobora kuzakura bafite ibyishimo, banyuzwe, kandi baba bashobora kuzasohoza neza inshingano zabo bamaze gukura (Imigani 23:24). Ubu noneho, kora uko ushoboye kose utegure iyo ‘myambi’ y’agaciro kandi witange kugira ngo uyiyobore. Nubigenza utyo, ntuzigera ubyicuza.

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 13]

Ese ababyeyi bagaragaza ko bakunda abana babo babaha ibyo babasabye byose?

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 15]

Umubyeyi wuje urukundo asobanura impamvu yatanze amategeko mu muryango

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 15]

Ababyeyi beza barinda abana babo akaga ko muri iyi si yangiritse

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 16]

Kurera abana ni umurimo utoroshye, ariko ingororano bitanga ntizigereranywa