NK’UKO John na Carol babivuze, uko warezwe bishobora kugira ingaruka zikomeye ku kuntu uhana abana bawe. Iyo umugabo n’umugore barezwe mu buryo butandukanye, bashobora kugira imyumvire itandukanye mu birebana no kurera abana babo. Hari igihe kubona ibintu mu buryo butandukanye bituma mu muryango havuka impagarara.

Iyo ababyeyi bananiwe, ibibazo bishobora kurushaho gukomera. Ababyeyi babyaye umwana wa mbere ntibatinda kubona ko kurera abana ari umurimo utoroshye kandi usaba guhozaho. Umugore witwa Joan n’umugabo we Darren barera abakobwa babo babiri. Joan yagize ati “nkunda abakobwa banjye, ariko iyo nabaga nshaka ko baryama, bo babaga batabishaka. Bakangukaga igihe kitaragera. Iyo nabaga nshaka kuvuga,  bancaga mu ijambo. Basigaga inkweto, imyenda n’ibikinisho byabo aho babonye hose, kandi ntibigeraga basubiza ibiryo aho byagombaga kubikwa.”

Jack wari ufite umugore wafashwe n’indwara yo kwiheba amaze kubyara umwana wa kabiri, yaravuze ati “incuro nyinshi navaga ku kazi naniwe, kandi nijoro namaraga hafi icya kabiri cy’ijoro nita ku mwana wacu wari umaze igihe gito avutse. Ibyo byatumye kurera umukobwa wacu mukuru bitugora. Yagiriraga ishyari murumuna we kubera ko twagombaga kubitaho bombi.”

Iyo ababyeyi bagiye impaka ku birebana n’uko barera umwana kandi bananiwe, izo mpaka zoroheje zishobora kuvamo intonganya zikomeye. Mu gihe ababyeyi bagiye impaka ntibashobore kuzihosha, bishobora kuba intandaro yo gutandukana, kandi umwana akaboneraho uburyo bwo kubateranya kugira ngo agere ku byo ashaka. Ni ayahe mahame ya Bibiliya azafasha abashakanye gukomeza gukundana mu gihe baha abana babo uburere bwiza?

Ishyingiranwa rigomba kubaho mbere y’uko abana bavuka, kandi riba rigomba gukomeza na nyuma y’uko abana bava mu rugo. Bibiliya yagize icyo ivuga ku birebana n’ishyingiranwa igira iti “icyo Imana yateranyirije hamwe ntihakagire umuntu ugitandukanya” (Matayo 19:6). Nyamara uwo murongo ugaragaza ko Imana yateganyije ko amaherezo umwana “azasiga se na nyina” (Matayo 19:5). Ni koko, kurera abana ni kimwe mu bigize ishyingiranwa, ariko si cyo rishingiyeho. Birumvikana ko ababyeyi bagomba kumara igihe kinini batoza abana babo. Ariko kandi, byaba byiza bibutse ko ishyingiranwa rikomeye ari ryo rufatiro rwiza ruzabafasha kubigeraho.

Ni ubuhe buryo bumwe bushobora gufasha abashakanye gukomeza kugirana imishyikirano myiza mu gihe barera abana? Uko byagenda kose, jya ugena igihe gihoraho umarana n’uwo mwashakanye abana badahari. Kubigenza mutyo bizatuma muganira ku bintu bikomeye byo mu muryango, kandi mumarane igihe. Tuvugishije ukuri, ntibyoroshye ko abashakanye bamarana igihe bari kumwe bonyine. Umubyeyi witwa Alison twavuze tugitangira, yaravuze ati “iyo jye n’umugabo wanjye tugize ngo tubonye igihe cyo kuba turi kumwe, umukobwa wacu muto aba ashaka ko tumwitaho, cyangwa uw’imyaka itandatu akaba agize ikibazo, wenda akaba abuze amakaramu ye yo gushushanya.”

Joan na Darren twigeze kuvuga, basanze bagomba gushyiraho igihe abakobwa babo baryamira, kugira ngo babone igihe cyo kuba bari kumwe bonyine. Joan yaravuze ati “abakobwa bacu babaga bafite igihe ntarengwa baryamira kandi bakazimya amatara. Ibyo byatumaga jye na Darren tubona igihe cyo kuruhuka no kwiganirira.”

Iyo abashakanye bashyiriyeho abana babo igihe gihoraho cyo kujya kuryama, bashobora kubona igihe cyo kwitanaho kandi bagafasha abana ‘kutitekerezaho ibirenze ibyo bagomba gutekereza’ (Abaroma 12:3). Amaherezo, abana batojwe kubahiriza amabwiriza arebana n’igihe cyo kuryama babona ko nubwo bafite agaciro kenshi mu muryango, atari bo bonyine bagafite. Bagomba kubahiriza gahunda y’umuryango, aho kwitega ko gahunda y’umuryango ishingira ku byifuzo byabo.

Hari umugani urimo ubwenge ugira uti “mwana wanjye, jya wumva icyo so akwigisha, kandi we kureka icyo nyoko agutegeka” (Imigani 1:8). Uyu murongo wo muri  Bibiliya wumvikanisha ko ababyeyi bombi bafite uburenganzira bwo gutegeka abana icyo bagomba gukora. Icyakora, nubwo abashakanye baba barakuriye mu mimerere imwe, bashobora kutumvikana ku birebana n’ukuntu abana bagombye guhanwa, ndetse n’amategeko umuryango wagombye gukurikiza mu mimerere runaka. Ni mu buhe buryo ababyeyi bashobora gukemura icyo kibazo gikomeye?

John twigeze kuvuga yaravuze ati “ntekereza ko atari byiza kugaragaza ko hari ibyo mutumvikanaho imbere y’abana.” Icyakora, yiyemereye ko bitoroshye guhisha ko hari icyo umugabo n’umugore batumvikanaho. John yaravuze ati “abana baritegereza cyane. N’iyo tutavuze ko hari icyo tutumvikanaho, umukobwa wacu ashobora kutwitegereza, akabitahura.”

Ni mu buhe buryo John na Alison bakemura icyo kibazo? Alison yaravuze ati “iyo ntemeranya n’umugabo wanjye ku kuntu akosora umukobwa wacu, ntegereza ko uwo mwana agera aho adashobora kutwumva, nkabona gutanga igitekerezo cyanjye. Ntabwo mba nshaka ko atekereza ko ashobora kuduteranya ahereye ku byo tutumvikanaho, kugira ngo agere ku byo ashaka. Iyo atahuye ko tutumvikanye, mubwira ko buri wese mu bagize umuryango agomba gukurikiza ihame ry’ubutware ryashyizweho na Yehova, kandi nkamubwira ko ngandukira ubutware bwa se mbyishimiye, nk’uko na we yagombye kutugandukira kuko turi ababyeyi be” (1 Abakorinto 11:3; Abefeso 6:1-3). John yaravuze ati “iyo twese abagize umuryango turi hamwe, incuro nyinshi mfata iya mbere ngakosora abakobwa bacu. Ariko iyo Alison ari we uzi ikibazo bafite, ndamureka akaba ari we utanga igihano, nanjye nkamushyigikira. Iyo dufite ibyo tutumvikanaho, ndareka tukaza kubivugana nyuma.”

Ni iki wakora kugira ngo kutumvikana n’uwo mwashakanye mu birebana no kurera abana bidatuma umwe agirira mugenzi we inzika, maze abana bakabyuririraho bakabasuzugura?

Nta gushidikanya ko kurera abana ari umurimo utoroshye. Hari igihe bishobora kukunaniza, ukagwa agacuho. Icyakora, amaherezo abana bawe bazagera ubwo bava mu rugo, kandi wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mwongere mubeho mwenyine. Ese ishyingiranwa ryanyu rizakomezwa n’uko mwigeze kurera abana, cyangwa ahubwo rizagira ibibazo? Byose bizaterwa n’uko mwashyize mu bikorwa ihame riboneka mu Mubwiriza 4:9, 10, hagira hati “ababiri baruta umwe, kuko babona ibihembo byiza by’imirimo yabo, kuko iyo baguye umwe abyutsa mugenzi we.”

Iyo ababyeyi bafatanyije, bagera ku bintu bishimishije cyane. Carol twigeze kuvuga, yagaragaje uko yiyumvaga agira ati “nari nzi ko umugabo wanjye afite imico myiza myinshi, ariko igihe twafatanyaga kurera abana, nabonye indi mico myiza myinshi ntari muziho. Igihe nitegerezaga ukuntu yitaga ku bakobwa bacu mu buryo bwuje urukundo, narushijeho kumwubaha no kumukunda.” John yatatse Alison agira ati “nkimara kubona ukuntu umugore wanjye yabaye umubyeyi wita ku bana be, narushijeho kumukunda no kumwubaha.”

Nugenera igihe uwo mwashakanye kandi ugafatanya na we mu gihe murera abana banyu, uko abana banyu bazagenda bakura, ishyingiranwa ryanyu na ryo rizarushaho gukomera. Ni uruhe rugero rwiza mwaha abana banyu?