IYO umuntu aciwe inyuma n’uwo bashakanye, Bibiliya imuha uburenganzira bwo gutana na we cyangwa kugumana na we (Matayo 19:9). * Steve wavuzwe mu ntangiriro y’iyi nkuru, yafashe umwanzuro wo kugumana na we. We na Jodi biyemeje gukomeza kubana kugira ngo batisenyera. Icyakora, ntibatinze kubona ko uwo mwanzuro wabasabaga gukora ibindi bitari ukugumana gusa. Kubera iki? Nk’uko amagambo bavuze abigaragaza, ubuhemu bwa Jodi ni bwo bwatumye badakomeza kwizerana. Kubera ko kwizerana ari iby’ingenzi kugira ngo abashakanye bagire ibyishimo, bagombaga gukora uko bashoboye kugira ngo bongere kwizerana.

Niba wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mukora uko mushoboye kugira ngo mwongere kwizerana nyuma y’ikibazo gikomeye mwagiranye, wenda umwe muri mwe akaba yarasambanye, nta gushidikanya ko muhanganye n’ikibazo cy’ingorabahizi. Iyo bimaze kumenyekana ko umwe yaciye inyuma mugenzi we, kubana neza mu mezi runaka akurikiraho bishobora kubagora cyane. Ariko mushobora kugira icyo mugeraho. Mwakora iki ngo mwongere kugirirana icyizere? Inama zirangwa n’ubwenge ziboneka muri Bibiliya zishobora kubafasha. Dore ibintu bine bishobora kubafasha:

Intumwa Pawulo yaranditse ati ‘ubwo mwamaze kwiyambura ikinyoma, mubwizanye ukuri’ (Abefeso 4:25). Kubeshyana, kubwirana ukuri kuvanze n’ikinyoma cyangwa kwicecekera bituma mutizerana.  Ubwo rero muba mukeneye kubwizanya ukuri, kandi nta cyo mukinganye.

Mu mizo ya mbere, wowe n’uwo mwashakanye kuganira kuri icyo kibazo cy’ubuhemu bishobora kubagora kubera ko muba mukirakaye. Ariko uko igihe gihita, bizaba ngombwa ko muganira ku byabaye mubwizanya ukuri kandi nta cyo mukingana. Nubwo mushobora guhitamo kutavuga buri kantu kose, si byiza ko mureka kubiganiraho. Jodi wavuzwe mu ntangiriro y’iyi nkuru, yaravuze ati “kuganira kuri icyo kibazo byabanje kungora cyane, nkumva atari ibyo kuvugwa. Byarambabaje cyane ku buryo numvaga nshaka ko icyo kibazo cyibagirana, kigasibangana mu bwenge bwanjye.” Icyakora, kutaganira byabakururiye ibibazo. Kubera iki? Steve yaravuze ati “nakomeje gukeka Jodi amababa, kubera ko yangaga kumbwira uko byagenze.” Jodi na we yashubije amaso inyuma, maze aravuga ati “kuba narangaga kuganira n’umugabo wanjye kuri icyo kibazo, byatumye kidakemuka vuba.”

Nta gushidikanya ko kuganira ku kibazo nk’icyo cy’ubuhemu bigora cyane. Debbie ufite umugabo witwa Paul wasambanye n’umunyamabanga we, yaravuze ati “nibazaga ibibazo byinshi. Nibazaga ukuntu yavuganye na we kuri iyo ngingo, icyabimuteye n’icyo bavuganye. Nahoranaga agahinda, ngahora mbitekerezaho kandi nkibaza ibibazo byinshi uko iminsi yagendaga ihita.” Paul yaravuze ati “birumvikana ko iyo naganiraga na Debbie kuri icyo kibazo, hari igihe twatonganaga. Ariko nyuma yaho, twasabanaga imbabazi. Kuba twaraganiriye nta cyo dukinganye, byatumye turushaho kunga ubumwe.”

None se mwakora iki kugira ngo mwirinde uburakari mu gihe muganira? Zirikana ko intego yawe y’ibanze, atari uguhana uwo mwashakanye, ahubwo ari ukuvana isomo ku byabaye, mugashyigikira urugo rwanyu. Urugero, Chul Soo amaze guca inyuma umugore we witwa Mi Young, bongeye gusuzumira hamwe imibanire yabo bahereye ku byabaye. Chul Soo yaravuze ati “naje kubona ko nahugiraga cyane muri gahunda zanjye. Nanone nabonye ko nahangayikishwaga bikabije no gushimisha abandi no gukora ibyo babaga banyitezeho. Namaraga igihe kirekire mu byabo kandi nkabitaho. Ibyo byatumaga mbura igihe cyo kwita ku mugore wanjye.” Chul Soo na Mi Young bamaze gutahura aho ikibazo cyari kiri, bagize ibyo bahindura, maze nyuma y’igihe bongera gushimangira imibanire yabo.

Bibiliya igira iti “ababiri baruta umwe.” Kubera iki? Ni ukubera ko “babona ingororano nziza y’imirimo bakorana umwete. Kuko iyo umwe muri bo aguye, undi aramuhagurutsa” (Umubwiriza 4:9, 10). Iryo hame ryabafasha, cyane cyane mu gihe mukora ibishoboka byose kugira ngo mwongere kwizerana.

Wowe n’uwo mwashakanye nimushyira hamwe, mushobora kuzongera kwizerana. Icyakora, mwembi mugomba kwiyemeza kurokora ishyingiranwa ryanyu. Kugerageza guhangana n’icyo kibazo buri wese ku giti cye, bishobora gukurura ibindi bibazo. Mwagombye kumva ko mugomba gukorera hamwe.

Steve na Jodi biboneye ko ibyo ari ukuri. Jodi yaravuze ati “nubwo jye na Steve byadutwaye igihe, twakoreye hamwe kugira ngo tugire urugo rukomeye. Nari niyemeje kutazigera na rimwe nongera kumubabaza bene ako kageni. Kandi nubwo Steve na we yari ababaye cyane, yiyemeje kutareka ngo urugo rwacu rusenyuke. Buri munsi, natekerezaga icyo nakora kugira ngo mwizeze ko ntazongera kumuhemukira, na we akomeza kungaragariza ko ankunda, kandi ibyo nzahora mbimushimira.”

Yesu amaze gusaba abari bamuteze amatwi kwirinda ubusambanyi, yarababwiye ati “niba ijisho ryawe  ry’iburyo rikubera igisitaza, rinogore maze urijugunye kure” (Matayo 5:27-29). Ese niba waraciye inyuma uwo mwashakanye, hari ibikorwa cyangwa imyitwarire utekereza ko wagombye kureka, kugira ngo utisenyera?

Birumvikana ko ikintu cya mbere wagombye gukora ari ugucana umubano n’uwo mwasambanye (Imigani 6:32; 1 Abakorinto 15:33). * Paul twigeze kuvuga yahinduye gahunda y’akazi ke, ahindura na nomero za telefoni, kugira ngo atongera gushyikirana na wa mugore baryamanye. Ariko iyo mihati yose yashyizeho, ntiyatumye bacana umubano burundu. Paul yari yaramaramaje kugarurira icyizere umugore we, ku buryo yafashe umwanzuro wo kureka akazi. Nanone yaretse gukoresha telefoni ye, akajya akoresha iy’umugore we. Ese iyo mihati yose hari icyo yagezeho? Umugore we Debbie yaravuze ati “nubwo hashize imyaka itandatu ibyo bibaye, hari igihe ngira impungenge ko uwo mugore yagerageza kongera gushyikirana na we. Ariko ubu nizera ko Paul atazongera kugwa muri icyo gishuko.”

Niba ari wowe waciye inyuma uwo mwashakanye, bishobora kuba ngombwa ko uhindura imyitwarire yawe. Urugero, ushobora kuba ukunda kugirana agakungu n’abantu mudahuje igitsina, cyangwa ukaba ukunda gutekereza urimo ukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina n’abandi bantu. Niba bijya bikubaho, ‘iyambure kamere ya kera n’ibikorwa byayo’ uyisimbuze imico myiza izatuma uwo mwashakanye arushaho kukwizera (Abakolosayi 3:9, 10). Ese imimerere wakuriyemo ituma kugaragaza urukundo bikugora? Nubwo mu mizo ya mbere ushobora kumva bikubangamiye, ujye ugaragariza uwo mwashakanye ko umukunda kandi ubimwizeze. Steve yaravuze ati “Jodi yakundaga kunkoraho kugira ngo angaragarize ko ankunda, kandi buri gihe yarambwiraga ati ‘ndagukunda.’ ”

Byaba byiza umaze igihe runaka umubwira ibyakubayeho byose buri munsi. Mi Young twigeze kuvuga, yaravuze ati “Chul Soo yishyiriyeho intego yo kujya ambwira ibyamubayeho byose buri munsi, yewe n’utuntu tw’ubusabusa, kugira ngo anyereke ko nta cyo akimpisha.”

Ntukihutire gufata umwanzuro w’uko ibyabaye byibagiranye, ku buryo ubu mushobora kongera kwiberaho nk’uko mwari mubanye. Mu Migani 21:5, hatanga umuburo hagira hati “umuntu uhubuka ntazabura gukena.” Bizatwara igihe, ndetse wenda imyaka myinshi kugira ngo mwongere kwizerana.

Niba ari wowe wahemukiwe, uzafate igihe cyo kubabarira burundu uwaguhemukiye. Mi Young yaravuze ati “numvaga umugore utababarira umugabo wamuciye inyuma yaba adasanzwe. Sinumvaga ukuntu umugore yamara igihe kirekire arakaye. Ariko igihe umugabo wanjye yancaga inyuma, ni bwo numvise impamvu kubabarira bigoye.” Uko bigaragara, kubabarira umuntu no kongera kumugirira icyizere, biza buhoro buhoro.

Nubwo bimeze bityo, mu Mubwiriza 3:1-3 havuga ko hari “igihe cyo gukiza” indwara. Mu mizo ya mbere, ushobora kwibwira ko kutavugisha uwo mwashakanye ngo umubwire uko umerewe, ari wo muti. Ariko kumara igihe kirekire utamuvugisha, byatuma uwo mwashakanye yumva ko nta cyizere ukimufitiye. Kugira ngo ukize icyo gikomere, ugomba kubabarira uwo mwashakanye kandi ukabimwereka, umubwira ibyo utekereza n’uko wiyumva. Nanone, ujye umutera inkunga yo kukubwira ibyamushimishije n’ibimuhangayikishije.

Aho kubika inzika, uzihatire kwirengagiza ibyabaye (Abefeso 4:32). Byaba byiza utekereje ku rugero Imana yaduhaye. Igihe abagaragu bayo bari bagize ishyanga rya Isirayeli bayiteraga umugongo, yarababaye cyane. Icyo gihe Yehova Imana yavuze ko yari ameze nk’uwahemukiwe n’uwo bashakanye (Yeremiya 3:8, 9; 9:2). Ariko ntiyigeze ‘akomeza kubika inzika igihe cyose’ (Yeremiya 3: 12). Igihe abagaragu be bihanaga babivanye ku mutima maze bakamugarukira, yarabababariye.

Amaherezo, igihe buri wese muri mwe azaba amaze kumva ko mugenzi we yahindutse mu buryo bugaragara, muzumva mutuje. Icyo gihe noneho, aho kwibanda ku cyatuma mwongera kubana neza, muzaba mubonye uburyo bwo gufatanyiriza hamwe kugira ngo mugere no ku zindi ntego. Uko byagenda kose ariko, muzashyireho igihe gihoraho cyo gusuzumira hamwe aho mugeze mu mibanire yanyu. Ntimuzaterere iyo ngo mwumve ko ikibazo cyakemutse burundu. Mujye mukemura utubazo utwo ari two twose twagaragaza ko mwasubiye inyuma, maze buri wese yizeze mugenzi we ko agikomeye ku muhigo yahize.​—⁠Abagalatiya 6:9.

Mu gihe mutangiye kwiheba mwumva ko nta cyo muzageraho, mujye mwibuka ko Imana ari yo yatangije ishyingiranwa (Matayo 19:4-6). Ku bw’ibyo, ishobora kubafasha maze mukongera kugira urugo rwiza. Abagabo n’abagore bavuzwe muri iyi ngingo, bashyize mu bikorwa inama zirangwa n’ubwenge zo muri Bibiliya, bituma ingo zabo zidasenyuka.

Hashize imyaka irenga 20 Steve na Jodi bahuye na cya kibazo gikomeye cyangije imishyikirano bari bafitanye. Steve asobanura inzira banyuzemo biyunga, agira ati “igihe Abahamya ba Yehova batangiraga kutwigisha Bibiliya, ni bwo twatangiye kugira icyo tugeraho mu buryo bufatika. Kwiga Bibiliya byaradufashije cyane, kuko byatumye duhangana n’ibyo bihe bigoye twanyuzemo.” Jodi yaravuze ati “nshimishwa cyane no kuba twarashoboye kwihanganira ibyo bihe bigoye. Ubu dufite urugo rwiza bitewe n’uko twigira Bibiliya hamwe kandi tukaba twarashyizeho imihati myinshi.”