Linda yatandukanye n’umugabo we wa mbere ashakana na Herman, kandi bombi bishimira kuba barashakanye. Ariko kandi, na bo ubwabo biyemerera ko kongera gushaka bishobora gutuma abantu bahura n’ibibazo batigeze bahura na byo igihe bashakaga bwa mbere. *

Niba warongeye gushaka, ubanye ute n’uwo mwashakanye? Umugore witwa Tamara, washatse amaze imyaka itatu atanye n’umugabo we, yaravuze ati “iyo ushatse bwa mbere, uba utekereza ko uzabana akaramata n’uwo mwashakanye. Ariko iyo wongeye gushaka, ntuba ukibitekereza utyo, bitewe n’uko uba uzi ko n’uwa mbere mwatanye.”

Nubwo bimeze bityo ariko, hari abashakanye benshi bagiye bagira urugo rwiza igihe babaga bongeye gushaka. Babanye neza kandi namwe mushobora kubigeraho. Mwabigeraho mute? Reka turebe ibibazo bitatu abantu bongeye gushaka bakunze guhura na byo,  turebe n’amahame yo muri Bibiliya yabafasha kubikemura. *

Ellen uba muri Afurika y’Epfo, yaravuze ati “sinshobora kwibagirwa burundu umugabo wanjye wa mbere, cyane cyane iyo ngeze ahantu twakundaga kujyana mu biruhuko. Hari igihe nshiduka umugabo turi kumwe namugereranyije n’umugabo wanjye wa mbere.” Ku rundi ruhande, iyo uwo muri kumwe na we yari yarashatse, ushobora kurakazwa n’uko ahora avuga iby’uwo bari barashakanye mbere.

INAMA: Mwagombye kubanza kwemera ko mudashobora guhita mwibagirwa abo mwari mwarashakanye na bo, cyane cyane iyo mwari mumaranye imyaka myinshi. N’ikimenyimenyi, hari igihe umuntu agira atya agahamagara uwo babana mu izina ry’uwo bari barashakanye. Wakora iki ibintu nk’ibyo bikubayeho? Bibiliya itanga inama igira iti “buri wese ajye agerageza kumva mugenzi we.”—1 Petero 3:8, New Century Version.

Ntukagire ishyari ngo wumve ko uwo muri kumwe ubu adakwiriye na rimwe guhingutsa izina ry’uwo bari barashakanye. Niba uwo mwashakanye akeneye kugira icyo avuga ku mibanire ye n’uwo bari barashakanye, jya umutega amatwi ubigiranye impuhwe kandi wishyire mu mwanya we. Nanone kandi, ntukihutire kumva ko arimo akugereranya n’uwa mbere. Umugabo witwa Ian yaravuze ati “umugore wanjye Kaitlyn ntiyigeze yumva ko kugira icyo mvuga ku mibanire yanjye n’umugore wa mbere ari ikizira. Ahubwo byamuhaye uburyo bwo kumenya neza.” Biranashoboka ko ibiganiro nk’ibyo byagufasha kurushaho kugirana imishyikirano myiza n’uwo muri kumwe ubu.

Jya wibanda ku mico yihariye kandi myiza y’uwo muri kumwe ubu. Yego wenda hari imico adafite, cyangwa hari ibyo adashoboye umugereranyije n’uwa mbere. Ariko kandi, na we hari ibyo arusha uwa mbere. Bityo rero, ukwiriye gushimangira ubumwe ufitanye n’uwo muri kumwe ubu, ‘utamugereranyije n’undi muntu,’ ahubwo ugatekereza ku byo umukundira (Abagalatiya 6:4). Umugabo witwa Edmond wongeye gushaka, yaravuze ati “abo mwashakanye ntibashobora kumera kimwe, nk’uko udashobora kugira incuti ebyiri zimeze kimwe.”

Wakora iki kugira ngo ubane neza n’uwo mwashakanye ubu, ariko utibagiwe ibyiza waboneye mu ishyingiranwa rya mbere? Jared yaravuze ati “nigeze gusobanurira umugore wanjye ko umuryango wanjye wa mbere ari nk’igitabo cyiza cyane nandikanye n’umugore wa mbere. Igihe icyo ari cyo cyose nshobora kurambura icyo gitabo, nkibuka ibihe byiza twagiranye. Ariko simba muri icyo gitabo. Ahubwo jye n’umugore wanjye turimo turandika igitabo cyacu; ni cyo ndimo kandi ndishimye.”

Javier washatse undi mugore amaze imyaka itandatu atanye n’uwa mbere, yaravuze ati “maze kongera gushaka, umugore wanjye yumvaga ko incuti zanjye zihora zimugenzura.” Umugabo witwa Leo we yahuye n’ikibazo gitandukanye n’icyo. Yagize ati “hari abantu bajyaga babwira umugore wanjye ko bakundaga cyane umugabo we wa mbere, ko bajya bamukumbura kandi ibyo bakabivuga numva!”

INAMA: Gerageza kwishyira mu mwanya w’incuti zawe. Ian twigeze kuvuga, yagize ati “ntekereza ko incuti za kera zibabazwa kandi zikabangamirwa no kugirana ubucuti n’umuntu batari basanzwe baziranye.” Ku bw’ibyo, jya ‘ushyira mu gaciro kandi ugaragaze ubugwaneza bwose ku bantu bose’ (Tito 3:2). Jya wihanganira incuti na bene wanyu, ubahe igihe cyo kumenyerana namwe. Iyo wongeye gushaka, ubucuti wari ufitanye n’abantu na bwo bushobora guhinduka. Javier twigeze kuvuga, yavuze ko uko iminsi yagendaga ihita, we n’umugore we bagiye bahembera ubucuti bari bafitanye n’incuti zabo za mbere. Yunzemo ati “ariko kandi, twagendaga tunashakisha incuti nshya, kandi na zo zatugiriye akamaro.”

 Mu gihe uri kumwe n’incuti zawe za kera, ujye uzirikana uko uwo mwashakanye yiyumva. Urugero, mu gihe murimo muganira mugatangira kuvuga ibirebana n’uwo mwari mwarashakanye mbere, ujye ugira amakenga n’ubushishozi mu byo uvuga, kugira ngo utabangamira uwo mwashakanye. Hari umugani wo muri Bibiliya ugira uti “iyo umuntu avuze amagambo atatekerejeho, ayo magambo ashobora gukomeretsa nk’inkota. Ariko umunyabwenge agira amakenga mu byo avuga, kandi amagambo ye ashobora gukiza abababaye.”—Imigani 12:18.—Holy Bible—Easy-to-Read Version.

Andrew wahemukiwe n’umugore we wa mbere akaza gushaka undi witwa Riley, yaravuze ati “natinyaga ko undi mugore nzashaka na we yazampemukira. Nakundaga kwibaza niba nari kuzaba umugabo mwiza nkamera nk’umugabo wa mbere wa Riley. Hari n’igihe nahangayikishwaga n’uko azumva ko ntari umugabo nyawe, maze akanta akajya kwishakira undi.”

GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya uganira n’uwo mwashakanye umubwire ibiguhangayikishije byose. Bibiliya igira iti “iyo hatabayeho kujya inama imigambi iburizwamo” (Imigani 15:22). Kujya inama ni byo byafashije Andrew na Riley kwizerana. Andrew yaravuze ati “nabwiye Riley ko gutana atari byo bikemura ibibazo, na we anyizeza ko ari uko abibona. Amaherezo naje kumwizera byimazeyo.”

Niba uwo mwashakanye yarahemukiwe n’uwo bari barashakanye, kora uko ushoboye kugira ngo akugirire icyizere. Urugero, Michel na Sabine bashakanye bamaze gutana n’abo bashakanye bwa mbere, bumvikanye ko mu gihe buri wese avuganye n’uwo bari barashakanye, azajya abimenyesha mugenzi we. Sabine yaravuze ati “ibyo byatumye dutuza kandi twumva dufite umutekano.”—Abefeso 4:25.

Hari abantu benshi bongeye gushaka, kandi ubu bafite urugo rwiza; nawe wabigeraho. N’ubundi kandi, ugereranyije n’igihe washakaga bwa mbere, ubu ni bwo wiyizi neza. Andrew twigeze kuvuga, yaravuze ati “kuva nashakana na Riley numvise nduhutse kandi merewe neza. Nyuma y’imyaka 13 tumaranye, ubu turakundana cyane kandi twifuza gukomera ku rukundo rwacu.”