UMUGABO umwe wari warapfushije umuntu we, yanditse agira ati “kubera ko narerewe mu Bwongereza, nari narigishijwe kutagaragariza ibyiyumvo byanjye mu ruhame. Ndibuka data, wari warigeze kuba umusirikare, ambwira ashinze icyinyo ku kindi ati ‘ntukarire,’ iyo habaga hari ikintu kimbabaje. Sinibuka niba muri twe haba hari uwo mama yaba yarigeze asoma cyangwa se ngo amuhobere (twari abana bane). Nari mfite imyaka 56 ubwo data yapfaga. Kumutakaza byarambabaje bitavugwa. Nyamara ariko, mu mizo ya mbere sinabashije kurira.”

Mu mico imwe n’imwe, abantu bagaragaza ibyiyumvo byabo ku mugaragaro. Baba banezerewe cyangwa se bababaye, abandi babasha kumenya ibyiyumvo byabo. Ku rundi ruhande, mu bice bimwe by’isi nko mu Burayi bw’amajyaruguru no mu Bwongereza, abantu, cyane cyane abagabo, batozwa guhisha ibyiyumvo byabo, gushinga icyinyo ku kindi ntibagire ikintu na kimwe bagaragaza ku bibari ku mutima. Ariko se, niba wapfushije umuntu ukunda, mbese byaba ari bibi kugaragaza agahinda ufite? Bibiliya se ibivugaho iki?

Bibiliya yanditswe n’Abayahudi bo mu karere k’iburasirazuba bwa Mediterane, abo bakaba bari abantu bari bazi kugaragaza ibyiyumvo byabo. Irimo ingero nyinshi z’abantu berekanye ku mugaragaro agahinda kabo. Umwami Dawidi yagaragaje umubabaro ubwo yatakazaga umuhungu we Amunoni wari wishwe. Koko rero, ‘yararize cyane’ (2 Samweli 13:28-39). Ndetse yanagize agahinda ubwo yatakazaga umuhungu we Abusalomu wari waramugambaniye agerageza kumuzungura ku ntebe y’Ubwami. Inkuru dusanga muri Bibiliya igira iti “umwami [Dawidi] abyumvise arasubirwa cyane, yurira mu nzu yo hejuru y’irembo, arira; nuko akigenda, agenda avuga atya ati ‘ye baba we, mwana wanjye Abusalomu! Mwana wanjye, mwana wanjye Abusalomu we! Iyaba ari jye wapfuye mu cyimbo cyawe, Abusalomu mwana wanjye, mwana wanjye’” (2 Samweli 19:1, reba 2 Samweli 18:33 muri Biblia Yera). Dawidi yagize agahinda nk’undi mubyeyi wese muzima. Mbega ukuntu incuro nyinshi ababyeyi bagiye bifuza kuba barapfuye mu cyimbo cy’abana babo! Ubusanzwe, bigaragara nk’aho ari ibidakwiriye ko umwana apfa mbere y’umubyeyi.

Yesu yabyifashemo ate ubwo incuti ye Lazaro yapfaga? Yararize ubwo yageraga ku mva ye (Yohana 11:30-38). Nyuma y’aho, Mariya Magadalena yararize ubwo yageraga ku mva ya Yesu (Yohana 20:11-16). Mu by’ukuri, Umukristo usobanukiwe ibyiringiro by’umuzuko Bibiliya itanga, ntazashavura  ubudahozwa nka ba bandi bafite imyizerere ihereranye n’imimerere y’abapfuye idashingiye kuri Bibiliya. Nyamara ariko, ubwo ari abantu bafite ibyiyumvo bisanzwe, Abakristo b’ukuri na bo, n’ubwo bafite ibyiringiro by’umuzuko, bagira agahinda kandi bagashavuzwa no gutakaza uwabo bakundaga.—1 Abatesalonike 4:13, 14.

None se muri iki gihe bwo tugomba kubyifatamo dute? Mbese, kugaragaza ibyiyumvo byawe bijya bikugora, cyangwa ubona biteye isoni? Abajyanama se bo batanga inama zimeze zite? Uko babibona muri iki gihe, usanga akenshi bijya guhuza n’ubwenge bwa kera bwahumetswe bwo muri Bibiliya. Bavuga ko tugomba kugaragaza agahinda kacu, ntitugapfukirane. Ibyo bitwibutsa abagabo b’indahemuka bo mu gihe cya kera, nka Yobu, Dawidi, na Yeremiya, abo dusanga muri Bibiliya bagiye bavuga amagambo arangwamo agahinda. Nta gushidikanya ko batagiye bapfukirana ibyiyumvo byabo. Ku bw’ibyo rero, ntibihuje n’ubwenge kwigunga (Imigani 18:1). Birumvikana ko agahinda kagaragazwa mu buryo butandukanye bitewe n’umuco w’akarere, cyangwa  se imyizerere ya kidini yiganje muri ako gace. *

None se wumvise ushaka kurira, wabigenza ute? Kurira ni bimwe mu bigize kamere y’umuntu. Ongera wibuke igihe Lazaro yapfaga, ubwo Yesu ‘yasuhuzaga umutima . . . akarira’ (Yohana 11:33, 35). Muri ubwo buryo, yagararagaje ko kurira ari ibintu bisanzwe mu gihe umuntu apfushije uwo akunda.

Ibyo byagaragajwe n’umubyeyi umwe w’umugore witwa Anne wari warapfushije umwana w’uruhinja mu buryo butunguranye witwaga Rachel ahitanywe n’indwara y’abana ihutiraho (SIDS). Umugabo we yagize ati “igitangaje ni uko ari Anne, ari nanjye, nta n’umwe warize mu gihe cy’ihamba. Nyamara abandi bose bari bahari, bararize.” Kuri iyo ngingo, Anne yarashubije ati “ni byo koko, ariko rero nari narize aha babiri. Ndakeka ko mu rwego rw’ibyiyumvo, naje gusobanukirwa neza ibyabaye hashize ibyumweru runaka ayo makuba atugwiririye, ubwo noneho nari jyenyine mu rugo umunsi wose. Nararize umunsi urira. Icyakora, ndatekereza ko byamfashije. Nyuma numvise ndushijeho kugubwa neza. Nagombaga kugaragaza agahinda ko gutakaza umwana wanjye. Ndemera rwose ko byaba byiza muretse abantu bashavuye bakarira. N’ubwo kuri benshi usanga byogeye kuvuga ngo ‘wirira,’ rwose ibyo nta cyo bifashaho.”

Ni gute se bamwe babyifatamo iyo batakaje umuntu bakunda? Dufate urugero rwa Juanita. Yari azi neza uko gupfusha umwana bibabaza. Yari yarakuyemo inda incuro eshanu zose. None dore yari yongeye gutwita. Bityo ubwo yajyaga mu bitaro azize impanuka y’imodoka, ntitwakwiyumvisha ukuntu yari ahangayitse cyane. Hashize ibyumweru bibiri, yumva ibise bitangiye—igihe cyo kubyara kitaragera. Nyuma y’aho gato, abyara agakobwa gato kitwa Vanessa—gapima gusa amagarama arenga gato magana cyenda. Juanita yagize ati “nari nishimye bitavugwa. Noneho nari mbaye umubyeyi!”

Ariko ibyishimo bye byabaye iby’igihe gito. Nyuma y’iminsi ine, Vanessa yarapfuye. Juanita aratubwira uko yibuka ibyamubayeho muri aya magambo ngo  “numvaga nta ho ndi. Ububyeyi bwanjye bwari buyoyotse. Numvaga ntuzuye. Byanteye umubabaro mwinshi gusubira mu rugo nkongera gusubira mu cyumba twari twageneye Vanessa, nkongera no kubona utwenda nari naramuguriye. Mu mezi abiri yakurikiyeho, sinahwemye gutekereza ku munsi yavutseho. Numvaga nta muntu nshaka kubonana na we.”

Mbese twavuga ko iyo myifatire ikabije? Ahari wenda kubyiyumvisha byagora abandi, ariko abo byabayeho, nka Juanita, bavuga ko bashavujwe no gupfusha uruhinja kimwe n’uko bari gushavuzwa no gupfusha umuntu wari umaze igihe. Nk’uko babivuga, mbere cyane y’uko umwana avuka, ababyeyi be baba bamukunda. Cyane cyane aba afitanye mu buryo bwihariye imirunga y’ubumwe na nyina. Iyo urwo ruhinja rupfuye, nyina yumva ari umuntu nyawe upfuye. Ibyo ni byo abandi bagomba gusobanukirwa.

Undi mubyeyi w’umugore yavuze uko yiyumvise ubwo bamubwiraga ko agahungu ke k’imyaka itandatu kishwe n’indwara y’umutima kavukanye. Aragira ati “nanyuze mu myifatire itandukanye—gucika intege, kutemera ibyabaye, kumva nishinja ibyabaye, kurakarira umugabo wanjye ndetse n’umuganga kubera ko batiyumvishije neza ukuntu iyo ndwara yari ikomeye.”

Uburakari bushobora kuba ikindi kintu kiranga gushavura. Ushobora kurakarira abaganga n’abaforomo cyangwa abaforomokazi, wumva ko bashobora gukora ibirenzeho kugira ngo bite kuri uwo wapfuye. Ushobora nanone kurakarira incuti n’abandi mufitanye isano ngo kuko batitaye ku magara ye. Hari n’abarakarira uwapfuye bamushinja kuba yaranze kwita ku buzima bwe. Stella aravuga ibyo yibuka muri aya magambo ngo “ndibuka ko narakariye umugabo wanjye kubera ko nari nzi ko ibintu byashoboraga kuba byaragenze ukundi. Yari yararwaye cyane, nyamara ariko ntiyitaye ku miburo y’abaganga.” Rimwe na rimwe, barakarira uwapfuye kubera imitwaro aba asigiye abo asize.

Hari abumva bishinja icyaha kubera ubwo burakari—bumva bari mu makosa kubera ko bagize uburakari. Abandi bumva bishinja urupfu rw’uwabo bakundaga wapfuye. Bihamya ubwabo ngo “ntiyagombaga gupfa iyo njya kumugira inama yo kujya kwa muganga mbere y’igihe,” cyangwa ngo “iyo njya kumwereka undi muganga,” cyangwa se ngo “iyo mutera inkunga yo kurushaho kwita ku magara ye.”

Ku bandi, kwishinja icyaha bigera kure, cyane cyane iyo uwo bakundaga yapfuye mu buryo butunguranye, batari biteze. Batangira kwibuka igihe  bigeze kurakaranya na we cyangwa se igihe bigeze gutongana. Cyangwa se bakumva batarakoreye uwapfuye ibyo bagombye kuba baramukoreye byose.

Agahinda gasaze ababyeyi b’abagore benshi bagira, gahuje n’ibyo abahanga bavuga iyo bemeza ko gupfusha umwana bisiga icyuho kidasibangana mu mibereho y’ababyeyi be, cyane cyane nyina.

Gupfusha uwo mwashakanye ni ikindi kintu gitera umubabaro umara igihe, cyane cyane iyo mwembi mwafatanyaga byose mu buzima. Wumva bibaye iherezo ry’uburyo mwari mumenyereye kubaho mufatanyije muri byose, nko gutembera, kwiga umushinga runaka, kwidagadura no gukenerana.

Eunice asobanura uko byamugendekeye ubwo yapfushaga umugabo we mu buryo butunguranye biturutse ku ndwara y’umutima. “Mu cyumweru cya mbere, numvaga nacitse intege, mbese nk’aho umubiri wanjye wahagaze gukora. Nta kintu cyari kikindyohera cyangwa se ngo kimpumurire. Yewe, ni nk’aho ubwenge bwanjye bwikoreshaga. Kubera ko nari kumwe n’umugabo wanjye ubwo bageragezaga kumukiza bifashishije uburyo bwa kiganga bwo kunganira umutima ndetse banifashisha n’imiti, sinagezweho n’ibikunda kugera ku bandi byo kutemera  ibyabaye. Nyamara ariko, numvaga nta cyo maze mu buryo bukomeye, mbese nk’aho naba mbona imodoka ihanuka mu mukoki kandi nta cyo nshobora gukora ngo mbikome imbere.”

Mbese yararize? “Rwose, cyane cyane iyo nasomaga ubutumwa bwo kwifatanya nanjye mu kababaro nohererezwaga bubarirwa mu magana. Buri gihe iyo nagiraga bumwe muri ubwo butumwa nsoma, narariraga. Ibyo byamfashaga guhangana n’igice cy’umunsi cyabaga gisigaye. Icyakora, iyo nabazwaga kenshi uko numva merewe, nta cyo byamfashagaho. Birumvikana ko nari mfite umubabaro utavugwa.”

Ni iki cyafashije Eunice guhangana n’agahinda yagize? Aragira ati “n’ubwo ntari mbizi, nafashe umwanzuro ntatekerejeho wo gukomeza kubaho bisanzwe. Gusa igikomeza kunshengura, ni ukwibuka ko umugabo wanjye, wakundaga ubuzima cyane, atakiriho kugira ngo abwishimire.”

Abanditsi b’igitabo Leavetaking—When and How to Say Goodbye batanga iyi nama igira iti “ntukareke ngo abandi abe ari bo bagutegeka uko ugomba kubigenza cyangwa se uko ugomba kwiyumva. Uburyo umuntu agaragazamo agahinda buratandukana kuri buri muntu. Abandi bashobora gutekereza—kandi bakabikubwira—ko washavuye mu buryo burenze urugero, cyangwa se ko utashavuye bihagije. Bababarire maze uhite ubyibagirwa. Gushaka kwifata nk’uko abandi bifata ku giti cyabo cyangwa muri rusange, byatuma utinda gukira mu rwego rw’ibyiyumvo.”

Birumvikana ko abantu b’imico itandukanye banagaragaza agahinda mu buryo butandukanye. Hano ntidushaka kuvuga ko uburyo runaka ari bwiza kuruta ubundi buri gihe kandi kuri buri muntu. Nyamara ariko, bishobora kubamo akaga iyo ibintu bitarangira, uwatewe agahinda n’urupfu rw’umuntu we ntagere ubwo yemera ibyabaye. Icyo gihe hazakenerwa ubufasha buturutse ku ncuti zuje impuhwe. Bibiliya igira iti “incuti zikundana ibihe byose; kandi umuvandimwe avukira gukūra abandi mu makuba.” Bityo rero, ntushidikanye gusaba ubufasha, kuvuga ndetse no kurira.—Imigani 17:17.

Kugira agahinda ni ibintu bisanzwe iyo umuntu yapfushije, kandi nta n’ubwo ari bibi kugaragariza abandi ako gahinda. Icyakora, hari ibindi bibazo bikeneye ibisubizo: ‘ni gute nshobora kwihanganira agahinda mfite? Mbese birakwiriye kugira ibyiyumvo byo kwishinja icyaha no kurakara? Mbese, nahangana nte na bene iyo myifatire? Ni iki se cyamfasha kwihanganira ibyo byago n’agahinda kajyana na byo?’ Igice gikurikira kizasubiza ibyo bibazo, kimwe n’ibindi.