Tindlela Tekwenta Umndeni Ujabule

Kuphatsa Loyo Loshade Naye Ngenhlonipho

Jabulani a utsi: “Thuli nakaphatseke kabi uvele akhale. Nangabe sihlala phansi kute sikhulume, uyatfukutsela nobe avele angafuni kungikhulumisa. Kute lokubonakala kusebenta, ngako ngivele ngive shengatsi ngingayekela.”

Thuli utsi: “Ngesikhatsi Jabulani efika ekhaya, bengikhala. Ngetama kuchaza kutsi yini inkinga, kodvwa wavele wangihlaba lulwimi. Wangitjela kutsi akusiyo inkinga lenkhulu, futsi kufanele ngiyendlulise. Loko kwahlohlobetela linyeva ekhatsi.”

UKE utive yini njengaJabulani nobe Thuli? Bobabili bayafuna kukhulumisana kodvwa bavame kutiva bacindzetelekile. Kungani?

Emadvodza kanye nebafati bakhuluma ngetindlela letehlukene, futsi banetidzingo letingafanani. Esikhatsini lesinyenti umfati angase atsandze kutfulula sifuba sakhe kulomunye umuntfu, kantsi emadvodza lamanyenti etama kulondvolota kuthula ngekucatulula tinkinga ngekushesha kanye nangekubalekela tinkinga letimatima. Kodvwa-ke ungakuncoba njani lokungafanani futsi ukhulumisane nendvodza nobe umfati wakho? Loku ungakwenta ngekuphatsa umuntfu loshade naye ngenhlonipho.

Umuntfu lonenhlonipho ubatsatsa njengalababalulekile labanye futsi uyayicondza indlela labativa ngayo. Kusukela ebuntfwaneni kungenteka ufundze kuhlonipha bantfu labaneligunya nobe labadzala kunawe. Kodvwa-ke emshadweni, insayeya ikutsi kufanele uhloniphe umuntfu loshade naye—lokungenteka nintsanganye naye. Linda, losaneminyaka lesiphohlongo ashadile utsi: “Bengati kutsi Phil uyamlalelisisa futsi amcondze nobe ngumuphi umuntfu lakhuluma naye. Nakimi bengifuna ente kanjalo.” Kungenteka uyabalalelisisa futsi ukhulume ngenhlonipho nebangani bakho ngisho nebantfu longabati. Kodvwa-ke wenta njalo yini nakuloyo loshade naye?

Kungahloniphani kubanga tinkinga kanye nekushayisana ekhaya. Inkhosi lehlakaniphile yabhala: “Kuncono kudla liphalishi lodvwa uhlale ngekuthula kunekuhlala ngekulwa endlini lenenala.” (Taga 17:1) LiBhayibheli litjela indvodza kutsi imphatse ngenhlonipho umfati wayo futsi imnikete ludvumo. (1 Phetro 3:7)  “Nemfati” naye kufanele “ahloniphe indvodza yakhe.”—Efesu 5:33.

Ungakhuluma njani ngenhlonipho naloyo loshade naye? Asewunake lesinye seluleko lesitfolakala eBhayibhelini.

Lapho Loshade Naye Afuna Kukhuluma

Insayeya: Bantfu labanyenti bayakutsandza kukhuluma kakhulu kunekutsi balalele. Unjalo yini nawe? LiBhayibheli litsi kubulima “kuphendvula umbuzo ungakeva kutsi utsini.” (Taga 18:13) Ngako-ke, ngembikwekutsi ukhulume, lalela. Kungani? Kara, losaneminyaka lengu-26 ashadile utsi: “Ngitsandza kutsi indvodza yami ingetami kulungisa tinkinga ngekushesha. Akukafaneli ngisho nekutsi afune imbangela yaleyo nkinga. Intfo lengiyifunako nje kutsi angilalele futsi avumelane nendlela lengitiva ngayo.”

Ngakulokunye, labanye bantfu abatsandzi kuveta imiva yabo futsi abakhululeki nangabe loyo labashade naye abacindzetela kutsi bakhulume ngendlela labativa ngayo. Lorrie, losandza kushada, utfole kutsi indvodza yakhe kuyitsatsa sikhatsi kuveta indlela letiva ngayo. Utsi: “Kudzingeka kutsi ngibeketele, futsi ngimmele aze asho indlela lativa ngayo.”

Likhambi: Nangabe wena naloyo loshade naye nifuna kukhuluma ngentfo leningavumelani kuyo, yivete lapho nobabili ningakatfukutseli futsi nikhululekile. Kutsiwani nangabe loyo loshade naye angakakhululeki kuveta indlela lativa ngayo? Kufanele wati kutsi “tinjongo tenhlitiyo yemuntfu tifanana nekujula kwemanti emtfombo; kodvwa lonekuhlakanipha angatikhipha.” (Taga 20:5) Nangabe ukha emanti ngemawala emtfonjeni, kuvele kucitseke incumbi yawo. Ngendlela lefananako, nangabe ukhuluma naloyo loshade naye ngekumkhahlameta, utawufuna kutivikela futsi loko kutawukwenta kutsi ningasakhoni kuchubeka nekukhuluma. Kunaloko, buta imibuto ngemoya lophansi nangenhlonipho, futsi ubeketele nangabe loyo loshade naye angayiveti ngekushesha indlela lativa ngayo.

Nangabe akhuluma, ‘shesha kuva, wephute kukhuluma, wephute nekutfukutsela.’ (Jakobe 1:19) Umuntfu losilaleli lesihle akalaleli ngetindlebe nje kuphela kodvwa uphindze etame kucondza indlela loyo lokhulumako lativa ngayo. Nangabe loyo loshade naye akhuluma, yetama kucondza indlela lativa ngayo, ngobe indlela lolalela ngayo ngiyo letawumtjela kutsi uyamhlonipha yini nobe cha.

Jesu wasifundzisa indlela yekulalela. Sibonelo saloku kutsi ngesikhatsi lenye indvodza lebeyigula iya kuye, akazange ayelaphe ngekushesha. Kwekucala, walalela loko lendvodza beyikucela. Ngemuva kwaloko, wavumela loko leyayikusho kutsi kumtsintse enhlitiyweni, futsi ekugcineni wayelapha. (Makho 1:40-42) Nangabe loyo loshade naye akhuluma, yenta lokufananako. Khumbula, kungenteka kutsi ufuna nje uvelane naye hhayi kutsi ucatulule lenkinga yakhe ngekushesha. Ngako-ke lalelisisa. Tive ngendlela lativa ngayo, bese kuba ngukhona wenta loko lakudzingako. Ngekwenta njalo, utawukhombisa kutsi uyamhlonipha.

YETAMA LOKU: Esikhatsini lesitako, nangabe loyo loshade naye akhuluma nawe, ungaphendvuli ngekushesha. Lindza ate acedze kukhuluma, nobe kute kube ngulapho sewukucondza loko labekusho. Ngemuva kwesikhatsi, mbute: “Bewuva yini vele kutsi ngiyakulalelisisa?”

Nangabe Kunalokutsite Lofuna Kukusho

Insayeya: Linda, locashunwe ekucaleni utsi: “Imidlalo ye-TV yenta kukhuluma kabi ngemuntfu loshade naye, kwetfuka, kanye nekuphukuta labanye kubonakale shengatsi kuhle.” Labanye bakhulela emakhaya lapho kukhuluma ngekwedzelela kuyintfo levamile khona. Kubese kutsi nasebashadile bakutfole kumatima kuyekela lomkhuba. Ivy, lohlala eCanada utsi: “Ngakhulela ekhaya lapho kuphukuta labanye, umsindvo, kanye nenhlamba kwakuvame khona.”

Likhambi: Nawukhuluma ngaloyo loshade naye kulabanye, khuluma ‘loko lokulungele kwakha kuze kubavetele umusa labevako.’ (Efesu 4:29) Khuluma ngendlela letawukwenta labanye bamhloniphe.

 Ngisho nobe ninobabili, kubalekele kusebentisa inkhulumo lephukutako nobe inhlamba. Ka-Israyeli wasendvulo, Mikhali wakwatela iNkhosi Davide, indvodza yakhe. Wakhuluma ngekuphukuta watsi Davide utivete “njengalesikhulu silima.” Loku kwamcansula Davide futsi naNkulunkulu akajabulanga ngako. (2 Samuweli 6:20-23) Yini lesiyifundzako? Nawukhuluma naloyo loshade naye, khetsa emavi akho. (Kholose 4:6) Phil, losaneminyaka lesiphohlongo ashadile uyavuma kutsi kusenteka babe nekungevani nemfati wakhe. Utsi utfole kutsi ngaletinye tikhatsi loko lakushoko kuvele kwente simo sibe sibi kakhulu. Utsi: “Sengiyacondza kutsi nangabe uphikisa loko lokushiwo nguloyo loshade naye, buhlobo benu buyalimala, ngisho nobe loko lokushoko kuliciniso.”

Endvulo, lomunye umfelokati wakhutsata bomalukatane bakhe kutsi ‘bakhe imiti’ kute batfole indzawo yekuphumula kuyo. (Ruthe 1:9) Nangabe indvodza kanye nemfati bahloniphana, likhaya labo liba yindzawo yekuphumula.

YETAMA LOKU: Ukanye naloyo loshade naye, hlelani sikhatsi sekucoca ngalamaphuzu lakulesihlokwana. Mbute: “Nangikhuluma ngawe kulabanye bantfu utiva njani? Utiva uhloniphekile nobe wedzelelekile? Yini lokudzingeka ngiyente kute ngitfutfukise?” Lalelisisa njengobe aveta indlela lativa ngayo futsi wetame kusebentisa loko lakushoko.

Kwemukele Kutsi Anifanani Ngemibono Naloyo Loshade Naye

Insayeya: Labanye labasandza kushada abacondzisisi kutsi liBhayibheli lisho kutsini nalikhuluma ngekuba “nyamanye,” bacabanga kutsi lisho kutsi labo labashadile kufanele bafanane ngemibono kanye nangetimilo tabo. (Matewu 19:5) Kunaloko, kusheshe kubakhanyele kutsi loko kukucabanga lokuliphupho. Batsi bangashada, kungafanani kwabo ngemibono kubaholele ekucabaneni. Linda utsi: “Inkinga lenkhulu tsine lesinayo kutsi umyeni wami utsatsa tintfo kancane. Ngaletinye tikhatsi uyakhululeka kodvwa mine ngibe ngikhatsatekile ngentfo letsite, manje loko kuyangikwatisa ngobe kubonakala shengatsi yena akanendzaba ngaleyontfo.”

Likhambi: Yemukela loko umuntfu loshade naye langiko futsi ukuhloniphe. Asesibekise: Emehlo akho awasebenti ngendlela lefananako netindlebe, kodvwa totimbili letitfo tiyabambisana, kungako nje ukhona kwewela umgwaco ngekuphepha. Adrienne, loneminyaka lecishe ibe ngemashumi lamatsatfu ashadile utsi: “Mine nendvodza yami siyakwemukela kungafanani kwetfu ngemibono yingci nje nangabe leyo mibono ingawephuli uMtsetfo waNkulunkulu. Vele angeke sesifanane.”

Nangabe loyo loshade naye anembono longafanani newakho nobe enta tintfo ngendlela leyehlukile kuyakho, unganaki kuphela loko lokufunwa nguwe. Cabangela indlela naye lativa ngayo. (Filiphi 2:4) Kyle, indvodza ya-Adrienne uyavuma: “Angiyicondzi ngaso sonkhe sikhatsi imibono yemkami, futsi angivumelani njalo naye. Kodvwa ngihlale ngitikhumbuta kutsi ngimtsandza kwendlula imibono yami. Nangabe ajabulile, nami ngiyajabula.”

YETAMA LOKU: Bhala kutsi imibono yaloyo loshade naye iyendlula njani imibono yakho kanye nekutsi indlela lasingatsa ngayo tintfo iyendlula njani indlela wena lotisingatsa ngayo.—Filiphi 2:3.

Inhlonipho iyindlela lehamba embili ekwenteni umndeni ujabule futsi umshado uhlale njalo. Linda utsi: “Inhlonipho idzingeka kakhulu emshadweni ngobe iletsa kwenetiseka kanye nekulondzeka.”

[Umbhalo longentansi]

TIBUTE . . .

▪ Kungafanani kwetfu ngemibono kuwusite njani umndeni wetfu?

▪ Kungani ngaso sonkhe sikhatsi kukuhle kwemukela tifiso taloyo loshade naye nangabe tingashayisani netimiso teliBhayibheli?