ʻI he vahaʻa ʻo e taʻu 1990 mo e 2015, ko e vete mali ʻa e faʻahinga ʻoku nau taʻu 50 pe lahi angé naʻe liunga ua ʻi ʻAmelika, pea liunga tolu ʻa e faʻahinga ʻoku nau laka hake ʻi he taʻu 65. Ko e hā ʻokú ne fakatupunga ʻa e “vete mali vaivaí”? ʻE lava fēfē ke ke taʻofi ia ke ʻoua te ne uesia hoʻo nofo malí?

ʻI he kupu ko ení

•  Ko e hā ʻokú ne fakatupunga ʻa e vete mali vaivaí?

•  Meʻa ʻe lava ke ke faí

•  Tokoni ki ha fetalanoaʻaki

•    Ko e meʻa ʻoku faʻa hokó, ko e ngaahi hoa mali taʻumotuʻa ʻoku nau veté naʻe fakaʻaʻau pē ke nau vāmamaʻo. ʻI he faai atu ʻa e taimí, ko e ngaahi husepāniti mo e ngaahi uaifi ʻe niʻihi ʻoku nau hoko ʻo mahuʻingaʻia ʻi he ngaahi meʻa kehekehe pea hā ngali ʻoku ʻikai loko ʻi ai ha meʻa ʻoku nau faitatau ai. Pe ʻi he hili ʻa e mavahe ʻa e fānaú mei ʻapí, ʻe fakatokangaʻi nai ʻe ha ongo meʻa kuo fuoloa taʻu ʻena tokangataha ki he ngafa ʻo e tamaí mo e faʻeé ʻo ngalo ai ʻiate kinaua ʻa e founga ke hoko ai ko ha husepāniti mo ha uaifi.

•    ʻI he laui hongofuluʻi taʻu ki mui ní, ko ha faʻahinga ʻoku lau ko e kau mataotao kuo nau tala ki he ngaahi hoa malí ke nau tokangataha pē ki heʻenau taki taha fiemaʻu. ‘ʻOku ʻai au ʻe heʻeku nofo malí ke u fiefia?’ ‘ʻOkú ne ʻai au ke u hoko ko ha tokotaha lelei ange?’ ‘ʻOku fakalato ʻe hoku hoá ʻeku ngaahi fiemaʻu fakaeongó?’ Kapau ʻoku ʻikai, ko e foʻi fakakaukau he taimi ní, ʻoku totonu ke ke fai ʻa e meʻa ʻoku lelei taha kiate koé—veteʻi ia pea kamata ha moʻui foʻou.

•   Kuo ʻikai toe hoko ʻa e vete malí ko ha meʻa fakamā. ʻOku tohi ʻe he tokotaha sōsiolosia ko Eric Klinenberg, “Ki muí ni maí, ko ha taha naʻe ʻikai ke fiemālie ʻi hono hoá pea loto ke vete naʻe pau ke ne fakatonuhiaʻi ʻa e fili ko iá. ʻOku kehe ʻa e ʻahó ni ia: Kapau ʻoku ʻikai ke ke fiefia ʻi hoʻo nofo malí, kuo pau ke ke fakatonuhiaʻi ʻe koe hoʻo fili ke ke kei hoko atu ʻi he nofo mali ko iá, koeʻuhí ko e tenge lahi mei he sōsaietí ke fai pē ʻa e meʻa ʻoku lelei taha kiate koé.” a

 Ko hono moʻoní, ʻoku faʻa hoko ʻa e vete malí ko ha hiki pē ia mei ha fatunga palopalema ʻe taha ki ha fatunga palopalema ʻe taha. Ko e fakatātaá, naʻe fakahaaʻi ʻi ha ako ʻe taha ko e “vete mali vaivaí ʻoku faʻa hoko ai ʻa e faingataʻaʻia fakapaʻanga lahi ʻaupito, tautefito ki he kakai fefiné.”

 ʻOku toe ʻi ai mo e meʻa ʻe taha ke fakakaukau ki ai. “ʻE lava ke ke maʻu ha kamata foʻou, ka ko koé ko e tokotaha tatau ai pē,” ko e lau ia ʻa e tohi Don’t Divorce. “Ko e hā ʻa e meʻa kuó ke fai ke liliu ʻa e founga fetuʻutaki naʻe ʻikai ke ola lelei mo ho hoá? Ko e hā ʻa e meʻa kuó ke fai ke liliu ʻa e anga hoʻo fakafeangai ki he taʻefelotoí?” b

•   Tali ʻa e liliú. ʻOku ʻikai ha vahaʻangatae ia ʻe tatau maʻu ai pē. Kuo liliu nai ho vahaʻangatae mo ho hoá koeʻuhí kuo mavahe atu ʻa e fānaú pe koeʻuhí kuo ʻalu ke kehekehe ʻa e ngaahi meʻa ʻokú mo mahuʻingaʻia aí. ʻI he ʻikai ke nōfoʻi ʻi he tuʻunga naʻe ʻi ai ʻa e ngaahi meʻá ʻi he kuohilí, fakakaukau ki he founga ke fakaleleiʻi ai ʻa e tuʻunga ʻoku ʻi ai ʻa e ngaahi meʻá he taimi ní.

   Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “ʻOua naʻá ke pehē, ‘Ko e hā naʻe lelei ange ai ʻa e ngaahi ʻaho ki muʻá ʻi he ngaahi ʻaho ko ení?’ he ʻoku ʻikai tupu mei he potó ʻa hoʻo ʻeke ʻa e meʻá ni.”—Tangata Malanga 7:10.

•   Tauhi hoʻomo vahaʻangataé ke moʻui. ʻE lava ke ke hoko ʻo mahuʻingaʻia ʻi ha meʻa foʻou ʻoku saiʻia ai ho hoá, pe ʻe lava fakaafeʻi ho hoá ke ne kau fakataha mo koe ʻi ha meʻa ʻokú ke saiʻia ai? ʻE lava ke mo fai ha ngāue foʻou ʻokú mo fakatou fiefia ai? ʻOku totonu ko hoʻomo taumuʻá ke fakamoleki fakataha ʻa e taimí, koeʻuhí ke mo ongoʻi ko e ongo meʻa mali kimoua kae ʻikai ko ha ongo meʻa pē ʻokú na nofo fakataha.

   Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “Tuku ki he tokotaha taki taha ke ne hanganaki kumi, ʻo ʻikai ki he lelei pē ʻaʻaná, ka ki he lelei ʻa e tokotaha kehé.”—1 Kolinitō 10:24.

•   Tauhi maʻu ʻa e ʻulungaanga leleí. ʻOua ʻe fakaʻatā ʻa e taimí ke ne hanga ʻo keina ʻa e fanga kiʻi tōʻonga anga-fakaʻapaʻapá. Lea anga-fakaʻapaʻapa ki ho hoá, pea feinga ke fakahāhā ʻa e ngaahi ʻulungaanga naʻá ke fakahāhā ʻi he taimi naʻá mo faialea aí. Lea “kātaki” mo “mālō.” Fakahāhā maʻu pē hoʻo ʻofá, pea fakahāhā ʻa e houngaʻia ki he ngaahi meʻa naʻe fai ʻe ho hoá maʻaú.

   Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “Hoko ʻo feangaleleiʻaki, manavaʻofa kaungāongoʻi.”—ʻEfesō 4:32.

•   Manatu ki he ngaahi taimi fakafiefiá. Sio fakataha ki he ngaahi tā ʻi hoʻomo ʻaho malí, pe ko e ngaahi tā ʻo ha ngaahi taimi kehe naʻá mo feohi fakataha ai. Ko hono fai ení ʻe lava ke ne tokoniʻi kimoua ke tauhi maʻu—pe toe fakamoʻui—ʻa e ʻofa mo e fakaʻapaʻapa ʻi hoʻomo nofo malí.

   Tefitoʻi moʻoni Fakatohitapu: “Kuo pau ki he tokotaha taki taha ʻo kimoutolu ke ne ʻofa ki hono uaifí ʻo hangē pē ko ʻene ʻofa ʻiate iá; ʻi he tafaʻaki ʻe tahá, ʻoku totonu ki he uaifí ke ne fakaʻapaʻapa loloto ki hono husepānití.”—ʻEfesō 5:33.