Sena Kulida Antoomwe Kulakonzya Kugwasya Mukwasyi Wenu?

“Buumi tabuzwide buyo zyintu zibotu, kumvwana alimwi alukkomano, pele bulijisi amapenzi. Tacikwe makani naa tulikkomene mubuumi naa pe, toonse tweelede kulya. Bantu bakkomene abantu bauside balakonzya kukkomana kulya cakulya cinona.”—Laurie Colwin, imulembi waku America.

MYAKA yainda kumasi Aabukuwa, mikwasyi minji yakajisi cilengwa ncobakali kuyandisya kapati. Banamukwasyi boonse bakali kubungana atebule, nociba ciindi comwe abuzuba, kutegwa balide antoomwe. Tiibakali kuzumizya cintu cili coonse kubanyonganya. Aciindi eeci, taakwe wakali kweebelela cipekupeku, kuswiilila nyimbo naa kulemba tugwalo twamufooni yamunkomwe. Bukkale oobu bwaluumuno bwakali kupa kuti banamukwasyi babe amaano, bayumye cilongwe cabo, kabaseka antoomwe akubandika zyacitika buzuba oobo kumwi kabalya.

Mazuba aano, bantu banji babona mbuli kuti cilengwa eeci tacicibeleki. Mumikwasyi minji, banamukwasyi tabalidi antoomwe bunji bwaziindi. Ino nkaambo nzi ncocikatazya kapati kulida antoomwe mumikwasyi? Sena cilagwasya kutobela cilengwa eeci? Ino nimpindu nzi nzyakonzya kujana umwi aumwi wamumukwasyi?

Cilengwa Cakulida Antoomwe Mumukwasyi Ciyaabumana

Mubbuku litegwa Bowling Alone, ba Robert Putnam baamba kuti: “Mbwaanga cilengwa [cakulida antoomwe kumangolezya] ciyaabumana asyoonto-asyoonto . . . eeci citondezya kuti akwalo kumvwana mumukwasyi alimwi abantu bambi kuyaabumana.” Ino nzyintu nzi zyapa kuti kube kucinca kuli boobu? Cakusaanguna ncakuti, ikuyuma kwabuumi kwapa kuti baalumi abamakaintu kababeleka mawoola manji. Bazyali bali balikke kanji-kanji bajisi penzi lyakubula mali, aboobo ciindi cakukkala ansi ncisyoonto kapati. Cabili ncakuti, akaambo kakubbaatilwa mubuumi, bamwi baula zyakulya zijikidwe kale. Tabali bapati balikke bajata bubi pe, nobaba bana abalo balaba azyakucita zinji mbuli kusobana alimwi amilimo imwi iicitwa bakotoka kucikolo.

Kuyungizya waawo, kuli bamawisi bamwi bayandisya kusika masiku aŋanda kutegwa kabajana bana boona kale akaambo kakuti tabayandi kunyonganizigwa ciindi nobalalila. Bazyali bamwi ibafwambaana kusika aŋanda basaanguna kupa bana cilalilo, bamana kulya babaambila kuunka kukoona kutegwa mulumi amukaintu balide antoomwe cakuliiba.

Bukkale buli boobu bupa kuti banamukwasyi kabatalidi antoomwe. Tabajisi ciindi cakwiizya antoomwe, aumwi ubala buyo tugwalo twanamatikwa afiliji. Aumwi asika aŋanda, ukasaazya buyo cakulya cijikidwe kale akutalika kweebelela cipekupeku, kubelesya kkompyuta naa kusobanya muncini wazisobano. Ibukkale oobu bulakonzya kulibonya mbuli kuti tabukonzyi kucincigwa. Pele sena inga cagwasya kulanga-langa mbomukonzya kubucinca bukkale oobu?

Mbokugwasya Kulida Antoomwe

Kulida antoomwe mumukwasyi kupa kuti bazyali kababa aciindi cibotu cakuzyiba nzyobayeeya bana babo akubagwasya bweelede. Mubbuku lyabo litegwa The surprising power of Family Meals, ba Miriam Weinstein bakaamba kuti ciindi banamukwasyi nobalida antoomwe cakulya camangolezya,  “bana balaba aciindi cakuba antoomwe abazyali babo akubandika ambabo cakuliiba. Nokuba kuti kulida antoomwe cakulya camangolezya takumanizyi mapenzi aamumukwasyi, ikucita boobo kulagwasya kapati.”

Ba Eduardo, ibazyali bajisi myaka iili akati ka 40 kusika ku 60 ibakkala ku Spain, balakazumina kaambo aaka. Baluula kuti, “Nendakacili kukkala abazyali bangu, lyoonse twakali kuba 11 atebule lyomwe. Bataata bakali kusolekesya kuboola kuŋanda masikati kutegwa balide antoomwe amukwasyi wabo. Cakali ciindi cikkomanisya kapati. Aumwi wamumukwasyi wakali kwaamba zyintu zyamucitikila. Bunji bwaziindi twakali kubandika makani aasesya. Ikuyeeya mazuba aalya cindipa kulimvwa kuti andime ndeelede kubaiya bataata.”

Kulida antoomwe alimwi kugwasya bana kupona buumi buli kabotu alimwi akuzilanga bweelede zyintu. Cibeela ciitwa kuti U.S. National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse icili acikolo cipati caku Columbia cakajana kuti ibana balida antoomwe abanamukwasyi kwaziindi zili musanu ansondo tabalangilwi kupenga kapati apenzi lyakulibilika, kulendelelwa akutakkomana alimwi bakajana kuti bana bali boobo mbasongo kucikolo.

Ba Eduardo bayungizya kuti: “Ndisyoma kuti kulida antoomwe mumukwasyi kupa kuti bana bakkalikane mumizeezo. Bana bangu basimbi kunyina nobakatazigwa kujana ciindi cakutwaambila makani ngobajisi. Kulida antoomwe kutupa coolwe cakubandika abuzuba. Kunze lyaboobo, ziindi zili boobu zilandigwasya kuzyiba mapenzi aabakatazya bana bangu.”

Kulida antoomwe mumukwasyi kulakonzya kugwasya banamukwasyi kulya zilyo zyeelede aciindi ceelede. Bakucikolo cipati ca Navarre icili kucisi ca Spain bakaamba kuti muntu uulya alikke ulalangilwa kuciswa malwazi aakukatazigwa kulya. Masimpe ngakuti, malwazi aaya alakonzya kuboola ciindi cili coonse, pele kutalida antoomwe kulakonzya kupa kuti bunji bwabantu babe amalwazi aali boobo. Ba Esmeralda, ibakaintu bajisi bana basimbi bobilo, bakaamba kuti: “Ikuba acilengwa cakulida antoomwe kupa kuti bana kabalimvwa kuti balabikkilwa maano. Alimwi kulida antoomwe mumukwasyi kubapa kuliiba mumizeezo akulimvwa kuti bali mumukwasyi uujisi luyando.”

Kulida antoomwe mumukwasyi alimwi kupa kuti bazyali babe aciindi cakuyiisya bana babo zyintu zyakumuuya. Myaka iibalilwa ku 3,500 yainda, Leza wakakulwaizya bana Israyeli kuti kabajana ciindi cakuba abana babo kutegwa kababayiisya milawo yakwe. (Deuteronomo 6:6, 7) Ba Angel, bausyi bana bobilo, baamba kuti: “Ikupaila akubala Bbaibbele antoomwe kupa kuti ciindi cakulya mumukwasyi caambwe kuti mbubambe bwakumuuya.” Mbokunga kuli mpindu ziboola akaambo kakulida antoomwe mumukwasyi, ino ncinzi mikwasyi imwi ncoyacita kutegwa izumanane kujana ciindi cakulida antoomwe?

Kujana Ciindi Cakulida Antoomwe

Ba Esmeralda bakaamba kuti, “Kuba aabubambe bubotu alimwi akulisungula kulayandika kapati. Nomusala ciindi cakulida antoomwe, amusale ciindi cikonzya kubotela banamukwasyi boonse kubikkilizya ayooyo uumuka kusika aŋanda.” Ba Maribel, ibakaintu bajisi bana bobilo baamba kuti: “Lyoonse tulida antoomwe cakulya camangolezya, ziyume zitete.” Mikwasyi imwi ibelesya ciindi ncobajana kumamanino aansondo ikulibambilila limwi naa kujikila limwi zyakulya nzyobakonzya kulya mukati kansondo.

Icimbi cikonzya kugwasya nkubona kuti kulida antoomwe amukwasyi ncintu ciyandika kapati. Ba Eduardo baamba kuti: “Ndakatalika kufwambaana kukotoka kumilimo kutegwa kandilida antoomwe amukwasyi wangu cakulya camangolezya, alimwi ikucita boobo cakagwasya kapati. Lino ndilimvwa kuti ndilizyi zyintu zicitika mumukwasyi wangu. Mbwaanga ndilabikkila maano kapati nendili kumilimo kwamawoola manji, inga catondezya kuti tandijisi luyando ikuti naa kanditababikkili maano bamukwasyi wangu aciindi cakulya.”

Ino mbuti kujatikizya zyintu zikonzya kumulesya kubandika? David ulaamyaka yakuzyalwa iili 16 waamba kuti: “Mumukwasyi wesu tulida mubusena munyina cipeku-peku. Eeci ciindi tucibelesya kwaambila baama abataata buzuba mbobwabede alimwi lyoonse balatulaya kabotu. Mazuba aano bakubusi tababandiki kapati abazyali babo. Noliba leelyo banamukwasyi boonse nobali aŋanda, aumwi ulalya alikke kumwi kalangilila cipeku-peku. Tabazyi ncobaindwa.” Awalo Sandra uujisi myaka ili 17 wakaamba kuti: “Ndilausa ciindi basicikoloma nobaamba kuti, ‘Tandizyi naa baama bandisiila nzi mufiliji.’ Mebo ndibona kuti kulida antoomwe mumukwasyi kulayandika kapati akaambo kakuti  aciindi eeci tulaakuseka, kubandika alimwi akubikkilana maano.”

Bbuku litegwa The surprising power of Family meals lyaamba kuti ziindi zyakulida antoomwe mumukwasyi “mbubambe bukonzya kutugwasya kuzunda mapenzi aatusikila abuzuba.” Sena bubambe buli boobo bulakonzya kugwasya mukwasyi wenu kuba acilongwe ciyumu? Ikuti kamubbaatidwe mubuumi bwenu, kulida antoomwe kulakonzya kupa kuti mujane ciindi cibotu cakubandika amukwasyi wenu. Masimpe ngakuti, ikucita boobo kulagwasya.

[Kabbokesi/Cifwanikiso icili apeeji 18]

KULIDA ANTOOMWE MUMUKWASYI KULAKONZYA KUMUGWASYA KWIIYA . . .

Kubandika. Bana balakonzya kwiiya kubandika alimwi akuswiilila cabulemu. Mibandi ilakonzya kubagwasya kuzyiba mabala manji alimwi ambwaakonzya kubelesyegwa.

Kulya zilyo zyeelede aciindi ceelede.

Kubelekela antoomwe. Bana balakonzya kubelekela antoomwe abazyali babo kwiinda mukubikka zyakulya atafule, kuyobolola mitiba, kusalazya tebule mwamana kulya alimwi akwaabila bamwi zyakulya. Mbobayaabukomena, balakonzya kugwasya kujika zyakulya.

Kuba azilengwa zibotu. Amwiiye bwaabi kwiinda mukwaabana zyakulya alimwi mutani kuyandisyi kubweza zinji. Alimwi amwiiye kulanganya nzyobayandika banamukwasyi bamwi ciindi nomulya.