1, 2. Yiyiphi indlela abajongana ngayo abazali nabantwana ngokuqhelekileyo, kodwa bubuphi ubunzima abakhe bajamelane nabo?

“UKUBA ubunokwazi ukuba abazali bakho baza kufa ngomso, yiyiphi eyona nto ubuya kubaxelela yona namhlanje?” Lo ngumbuzo owabuzwa kumakhulu abantwana baseUnited States. Kunokuba bacinge ngazo naziphi na iingxaki abanazo nabazali babo, iipesente ezingama-95 kubo bathi babeya kuthi kubo: “Ndicel’ uxolo,” “Ndinithanda gqitha.”—IFor Parents Only, ebhalwe nguShaunti Feldhahn noLisa Rice.

² Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantwana bayabathanda abazali babo, ngokunjalo ke nabazali. Oku kunjalo ngokukhethekileyo kwiintsapho zamaKristu. Nakuba abazali nabantwana belangazelela ukusondelelana, kukhe kube nzima ukunxibelelana. Yintoni eyenza kubekho imiba engaphathwayo nokuba sekuncokolwa ngokunyaniseka nangokukhululekileyo? Ziziphi ezinye izinto ezithintela unxibelelwano oluhle? Zinokoyiswa njani?

3. (a) Kutheni kunzima nje ukunxibelelana kakuhle kwiintsapho ezininzi? (b) Yintoni eyayinceda amaSirayeli mandulo akwazi ukuchitha ixesha elaneleyo kunye neentsapho zawo?

³ Kwiintsapho ezininzi kunzima ukufumana ixesha elaneleyo lokunxibelelana kakuhle. Le meko yayingasoloko injalo. UMoses wawayalela oku amadoda anabantwana kwaSirayeli: “Uze uwabethelele [amazwi kaThixo] kunyana wakho yaye uthethe ngawo ekuhlaleni kwakho endlwini yakho, nasekuhambeni kwakho ngendlela, nasekulaleni kwakho nasekuvukeni kwakho.” (Dut. 6:6, 7) Abantwana babedla ngokuchitha usuku nonina ekhaya okanye noyise emasimini okanye emsebenzini. Abantwana nabazali  babechitha ixesha elininzi kunye bencokola. Ngoko, abazali babenethuba lokwazi iimfuno, iminqweno nobuntu babantwana babo. Nabo ke abantwana babenexesha nethuba elaneleyo lokubazi kakuhle abazali babo.

4. Yintoni eyenza kube nzima ukunxibelelana kwiintsapho ezininzi namhlanje?

⁴ Le meko yahluke gqitha namhlanje! Kwamanye amazwe, abantwana bathunyelwa ekretshi bebancinane, maxa wambi beneminyaka emibini nje kuphela. Abazali abaninzi basebenza kude nekhaya. Ithutyana elivelayo lokuncokola nabantwana liphazanyiswa ziikhompyutha, umabonwakude, nezinye izixhobo ze-elektroniki. Kwiimeko ezininzi, abantwana nabazali baphila ubomi obahlukileyo; abazani tu. Xa kunjalo, unxibelelwano oluhle luphantse lungabikho kwaphela.

5, 6. Abanye abazali ‘bazongela’ njani ixesha abaza kulichitha nabantwana babo?

⁵ Kutheni ‘ungazongeli’ ixesha kwezinye izinto ze uchithe elingakumbi nentsapho yakho? (Funda eyabase-Efese 5:15, 16.) Ezinye iintsapho ziye zavumelana ekunciphiseni ixesha likamabonwakude okanye lekhompyutha. Ezinye zizama ukutya kunye nokuba sisidlo esinye suku ngalunye. Elinye ithuba elihle gqitha lokunceda abazali basondelelane nabantwana babo ukuze baxubushe bezolile izinto zokomoya, lilungiselelo lonqulo lwentsapho! Ukuzibekela iyure nangaphezulu ngeveki yinto yokuqala ukuze eli lungiselelo liphumelele, kodwa kusafuneka okungakumbi ukuze kuvulwe iingcango zonxibelelwano. Kumele kuhlale kukho unxibelelwano. Ngaphambi kokuba umntwana aye esikolweni, mkhuthaze, xubusha naye itekisi yosuku, okanye uthandaze naye. Oko kunokumnceda ajamelane nosuku.

⁶ Bambi abazali baye benza iinguqu ezithile ukuze bachithe ixesha elingakumbi nabantwana babo. Ngokomzekelo, ukuze enjenjalo uLaura, * umama wabantwana ababini, wayeka umsebenzi osisigxina.  Uthi: “Kusasa yayiba nguwashiywa ukuya emnyango sileqa emsebenzini okanye esikolweni. Ndandibuya emsebenzini sele belele, belaliswe ngumntu owayebagcina. Ukuyeka umsebenzi kwakuthetha ukuba siza kuphila ngemali encinane, kodwa ngoku ndiyayazi izinto abazicingayo neengxaki abanazo abantwana bam. Ndiyabaphulaphula xa bethandaza, ndiyabakhokela, ndiyabakhuthaza ndize ndibafundise.”

7. Yiyiphi eyona nto badla ngokukhalazelana ngayo abazali nabantwana?

⁷ Emva kokudlan’ indlebe nabantwana abaninzi, ababhali bencwadi ethi For Parents Only baphawula omnye umqobo kunxibelelwano. Bathi: “Eyona nto basoloko beyikhalazela abantwana kubazali babo kukuba, ‘Abaphulaphuli.’” Le ngxaki ikho macala onke. Nabazali basoloko bekhala ngayo kubantwana babo. Ukuze luhlale luluhle unxibelelwano, mntu ngamnye makaphulaphule—abaphulaphulisise ngokwenene abanye.—Funda uYakobi 1:19.

8. Yintoni efunekayo kubazali ukuze babaphulaphule ngokwenene abantwana babo?

⁸ Bazali, ngaba niyabaphulaphula ngokwenene abantwana benu? Oku kunokuba nzima xa udiniwe okanye nithetha ngento ebonakala ingabalulekanga. Kodwa into ebonakal’ ingenamsebenzi kuwe ingayeyona ibalulekileyo emntwaneni. ‘Ukukhawuleza ukuva’ kuthetha ukunganeli nje ukunikela ingqalelo kwinto ayitshoyo kodwa nakwindlela athetha ngayo. Ithoni yelizwi nezimbo zomzimba zikunceda ubone indlela avakalelwa ngayo. Enye into eluncedo kukubuza imibuzo. IBhayibhile ithi: “Icebo entliziyweni yomntu linjengamanzi anzulu, kodwa umntu wokuqonda ulitsala linyuke.” (IMize. 20:5) Ingqiqo nokuqonda zifuneka ngamandla xa unceda umntwana wakho akhuphe okusentliziyweni.

9. Kutheni abantwana bemele baphulaphule abazali babo?

⁹ Bantwana, ngaba niyabathobela abazali benu? ILizwi likaThixo lithi: “Yiphulaphule, nyana wam, ingqeqesho kayihlo, ungawushiyi umthetho kanyoko.” (IMize. 1:8) Khumbulani ukuba abazali benu bayanithanda yaye baninqwenelela okona kulungileyo, ngoko bubulumko ukubaphulaphula nokubathobela. (Efe. 6:1) Kulula ukuthobela xa kukho unxibelelwano oluhle naxa usazi ukuba uyathandwa. Bachazele indlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Oko kuya kubanceda bakuqonde. Noko ke, nawe umele uzame ukubaqonda.

10. Sifunda ntoni kwingxelo yeBhayibhile ephathelele uRehobhowam?

¹⁰ Umele ulumke gqitha xa ucetyiswa ngoontanga bakho. Icebiso labo linokuvakala limnandi, kodwa lingachananga. Eneneni, lingakufaka nasengxakini. Ekubeni ingenabulumko namava abantu abadala, inkoliso yabaselula ayikwazi kucingela ikamva ibe isenokungayiqondi imiphumo yezenzo ezithile. Khumbula umzekelo wonyana kaKumkani uSolomon, uRehobhowam. Xa waba ngukumkani kwaSirayeli, kwakuya kuba bubulumko ukuthobela icebiso lamadoda amakhulu. Kodwa, wakhetha elobuyatha loontanga bakhe. Oko kwamphulukanisa nenkxaso yabaninzi kubantu awayebalawula. (1 Kum. 12:1-17) Kunokuxelisa ubuyatha bukaRehobhowam, zabalazela ukunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo nabazali bakho. Baphalazele imbilini yakho. Zuza kwisiluleko sabo, uze ufunde kubulumko babo.—IMize. 13:20.

11. Yintoni enokwenzeka xa kungekho lula ukuthetha nabazali?

¹¹ Bazali, ukuba anifuni abantwana benu babhenele koontanga, zamani  ukuba kube lula ukuba bathethe nani. Omnye udade okwishumi elivisayo wathi: “Ndona nje ngokubiza igama lomfana, kube kubi kubazali bam. Oko kwenza kube nzima, ndingabi saqhubeka nencoko.” Omnye udade oselula wathi: “Abantwana abaninzi bayalifuna icebiso labazali babo, kodwa xa abazali bengabahoyi bavele baye kulowo uza kubahoya, nokuba akanamava.” Xa ukulungele ukubaphulaphula ngenyameko abantwana bakho kuyo nantoni na, nabo baya kukhululeka baze baliphulaphule icebiso lakho.

12. Indlela abasabela ngayo abazali inokuba yingxaki njani kunxibelelwano lwabo?

¹² Enye ingxaki kukungakwazi kuzibamba kwabazali, baqhutywe ziimvakalelo balwise abantwana xa bebaxelela izinto. Yinyaniso ukuba ukuba, abazali abangamaKristu bafuna ukubakhusela abantwana babo. Le ‘mihla yokugqibela’ izaliswe ziingozi—ezokomoya nezinye. (2 Tim. 3:1-5) Kodwa, into abacinga ukuba iza kukhusela abantwana babo, bona abantwana basenokungayiboni ngaloo ndlela.

13. Kutheni abazali bemele bakulumkele ukukhawuleza bakhuphe imbono yabo?

¹³ Abazali bamele bakulumkele ukukhawuleza bakhuphe imbono yabo. Ewe kona, akudli ngokuba lula ukuzibamba xa umntwana wakho ekuchazela into ebuhlungu. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuphulaphula ngenyameko ngaphambi kokuba uphendule. UKumkani uSolomon osisilumko wathi: “Ukuba nabani na uphendula umbandela ngaphambi kokuwuva, bubudenge obo kuye nokuthotywa.” (IMize. 18:13) Ukuba uyazola, uya kuva into eninzi abe nomntwana wakho eqhabalaka. Umele uyive yonke into eyenzekileyo ukuze ukwazi ukumnceda. Xa intliziyo elihlwili umntu unokuthetha ‘amazwi okubhuda.’ (Yobhi 6:1-3) Njengomzali onothando, phulaphula ukuze uqonde wandule ke ubophe amanxeba ngolwimi lwakho.

14. Kutheni abantwana bemele bacothe ukuthetha?

¹⁴ Bantwana, nani nimele ‘nicothe ukuthetha,’ ningangxami nizikhabe izinto ezithethwa ngabazali, kuba uThixo ubanike imbopheleleko yokuniqeqesha. (IMize. 22:6) Kungenzeka ukuba nabo bakhe batyhubela kwezi ngxaki ninazo. Enye into, bayazisola ngeempazamo abaye bazenza, ngoku bafuna ukukhusela nina ningaweli kwimigibe efanayo. Ngoko, jongani abazali benu njengamahlakani, kungekhona iintshaba; njengabacebisi, kungekhona abachasi. (Funda iMizekeliso 1:5.) “Beka uyihlo nonyoko,” ubabonise ukuba uyabathanda njengokuba nabo bekuthanda. Oko kuya kwenza kube lula ukuba ‘bakukhulisele kwingqeqesho nasekweyiselweni kwengqondo kuYehova.’—Efe. 6:2, 4.

15. Yintoni eya kusinceda sihlale sinomonde singawaqumbeli amalungu eentsapho zethu?

¹⁵ Asisoloko sisiba nomonde kumalungu eentsapho zethu. Umpostile uPawulos wathi: “Abangcwele nabazalwana abathembekileyo ngokumanyene noKristu eKolose. Nina madoda, hlalani nibathanda abafazi benu, ningavuthi ngumsindo ngakubo. Nina boyise, musani ukubacaphukisa abantwana benu, ukuze bangadakumbi.” (Kol. 1:1, 2; 3:19, 21) UPawulos wabongoza abase-Efese wathi: “Mabususwe kuni bonke ubukrakra bolunya nomsindo nengqumbo nokumemeza nokutshabhisa nabo bonke ububi.” (Efe. 4:31) Ukuzeka kade umsindo, ububele, nokuzeyisa—iinxalenye zesiqhamo somoya kaThixo—kuya kusinceda  sihlale sizolile naxa sixinezelekile.—Gal. 5:22, 23.

16. UYesu wabalungisa njani abafundi bakhe, ibe kutheni kumangalisa nje oku?

¹⁶ Masithathe umzekelo kaYesu. Cinga nje indlela amele ukuba wayexinezeleke ngayo kwisidlo sangokuhlwa sokugqibela nabapostile bakhe. Wayesazi ukuba kwiiyure nje ezingephi wayeza kufa kabuhlungu. Ukungcwaliswa kwegama likaYise nokusindiswa koluntu kwakuxhomekeke ekuthembekeni kwakhe. Ukanti, kwakweso sidlo “kwavela nempikiswano eshushu phakathi kwabo [bapostile] mayela nokuba nguwuphi na kubo obanakala engoyena mkhulu.” UYesu akazange abangxolise okanye abe rhabaxa. Kunoko, waqiqa nabo ezolile. Wabakhumbuza ukuba babesoloko benamathele kuye kwizilingo ezinzima. Nakuba uSathana wayefuna ukubela njengengqolowa, uYesu wavakalisa intembelo anayo yokuba babeza kuhlala bethembekile. Wade wenza umnqophiso nabo.—Luka 22:24-32.

17. Yintoni eya kunceda abantwana bazole?

¹⁷ Nabo abantwana kufuneka bazole. Ngakumbi xa befikisa, bebona ngathi abathenjwa ngabazali babo. Nakuba kubonakala njalo maxa wambi, yazi ukuba abazali bakho baxhalabile kuba bekuthanda. Ngokuzola, uphulaphule uze usebenzisane nabo, baya kukuhlonela baze bakujonge njengomntu ophulaphulayo. Oko kungakwenza bakunike inkululeko ngakumbi kwiinkalo ezithile zobomi. Likhondo lobulumko ukuzeyisa. IBhayibhile ithi: “Isiyatha sikhupha wonke umoya waso, kodwa isilumko siwugcina uzolile kude kuse ekupheleni.”—IMize. 29:11.

18. Uthando luluncedo njani ukuze kubekho unxibelelwano oluhle?

¹⁸ Ngoko ke, bazali nani bantwana abathandekayo sanukutyhafa xa nibona ngathi unxibelelwano lwethu aluhambi ngendlela ebeningathanda ngayo. Qhubekani nizabalaza, qhubekani nihamba enyanisweni. (3 Yoh. 4) Unxibelelwano olugqibeleleyo luya kubakho kwihlabathi elitsha xa abantu befezekile, iphelile nento yokungaqondani nosukuzwano. Okwangoku sonke senza izinto esiye sizisole ngazo. Ngoko ke, sukuba madolw’ anzima ukucela uxolo. Xolela ngesisa. ‘Hlalani nimanyene eluthandweni.’ (Kol. 2:2) Uthando lunamandla. ‘Uthando luzeka kade umsindo yaye lunobubele. Alucaphuki. Alunanzondo. Luthwala izinto zonke, lukholelwa izinto zonke, luthemba izinto zonke, lunyamezela izinto zonke.’ (1 Kor. 13:4-7) Qhubeka uhlakulela uthando, kuya kugquba unxibelelwano oluhle, kutsho kubekho uvuyo entsatsheni kuze kudunyiswe uYehova.