ABANTU bayakuthanda ukuqhula ngeengxabano ezibakho phakathi kwamaqabane nabazali babayeni okanye amakhosikazi awo, kodwa ke kubomi bokwenene loo nto ayihlekisi. Omnye umfazi waseIndiya ekuthiwa nguReena uthi: “Yaqengqeleka iminyaka umama-zala engena izinto zomtshato wethu. Umsindo wam ndandihlala ndiwukhuphela emyenini wam kuba ndandingenakukwazi ukuwukhuphela kumama wakhe. Kwakubonakala ngathi kufuneka asoloko ekhetha phakathi kokuba ngumyeni ofanelekileyo nokuba ngunyana olungileyo.”

Kutheni abanye abazali bengenelela kwizinto zabantwana babo abatshatileyo? UJenny ekuthethwe ngaye ekuqaleni uchaza enye into enokuba ngunobangela. Uthi: “Kusenokuba bakufumanisa kunzima ukubona umntu oselula nongenamava ethwala imbopheleleko yokunyamekela unyana okanye intombi yabo.” Umyeni kaReen, uDilip uchaza esinye isizathu. Uthi: “Abazali abaye baqeqesha baza bancama izinto ezithile ukuze kungenelwe umntwana wabo basenokuvakalelwa ngathi bayakhutshwa kubomi bomntwana wabo. Kwakhona, basenokuba baxhalatyiswa kukuba unyana okanye intombi yabo ayinabo ubulumko obufunekayo ukuze yenze umtshato uphumelele.”

Masivume ukuba ngamanye amaxesha abazali baye bacelwe ukuba bangenelele. Ngokomzekelo,  cinga ngendoda ekuthiwa nguMachael nomfazi wayo uLeanne, baseOstreliya. UMichael uthi: “ULeanne wayevela kwintsapho esondeleleneyo apho wonke umntu wayethetha phandle ngezinto. Ngenxa yoko, emva kokuba sitshatile wayethetha notata wakhe ngezigqibo ezazifanele zenziwe ndim naye. Utata wakhe wayenamava kodwa ke yayindikhathaza into yokuba abuze kuye kunokuba abuze kum!”

Kuyacaca ukuba abazali banokuzisa uxinezeleko emtshatweni. Ngaba kunjalo nakowakho umtshato? Bunjani ubuhlobo bakho nabazali benkosikazi okanye umyeni wakho yaye bunjani ubuhlobo bomyeni okanye inkosikazi yakho nabazali bakho? Cinga ngeengxaki ezimbini ezinokuvela nento onokuyenza ngazo.

Iqabane lakho libonakala lisondelelene kakhulu nabazali balo. ULuis, umyeni waseSpeyin uthi: “Umfazi wam wayecinga ukuba wayeya kuba akanyanisekanga kubazali bakhe ukuba sasihlala kude kubo.” Waleka umsundulo esithi: “Kwelinye icala, abazali bam babesityelela phantse yonke imihla emva kokuba kuzelwe unyana wethu, nto leyo eyayimshiya exinezelekile umfazi wam. Loo nto yabangela iingxabano.”

Izinto ezibandakanyekileyo:

Xa ichaza ilungiselelo lomtshato, iBhayibhile ithi ethubeni “indoda iya kumshiya uyise nonina, inamathele emfazini wayo baze babe nyama-nye.” (Genesis 2:24) Ukuba “nyama-nye” kuthetha okungakumbi kunokuhlala kunye nje kuphela. Kuthetha ukuba indoda nomfazi bayila intsapho entsha—ebaluleke ngaphezu kweentsapho ezabakhulisayo. (1 Korinte 11:3) Kakade ke kusafuneka babahlonele abazali babo yaye loo ntlonelo idla ngokuquka ukubakhathalela. (Efese 6:2) Kuthekani ukuba indlela elibanyamekela ngayo abazali balo iqabane lakho ikwenza uzive ngathi alikukhathalelanga wena?

Oko unokukwenza:

Hlola zonke izibakala ezibandakanyekileyo. Ngaba ngokwenene iqabane lakho lisondelelene kakhulu nabazali balo okanye ingxaki kukuba nguwe ongasondelelananga kakhulu nabakho abazali? Ukuba kunjalo, inayiphi impembelelo indlela okhuliswe ngayo kule meko? Akungebi mhlawumbi nawe unekhwele?—IMizekeliso 14:30; 1 Korinte 13:4; Galati 5:26.

Kuye kufuneke ukuzihlolisisa okunyanisekileyo ukuze uyiphendule le mibuzo. Kodwa ke kubalulekile ukuba uyenze loo nto. Ngaphezu koko, ukuba nihlala nixabana ngabazali benu, kucacile ukuba aninangxaki yabazali kodwa—ninengxaki yomtshato.

Iingxaki zomtshato ezininzi zibangelwa kukuba abantu abatshatileyo abasoloko bebona ngasonye kuyo yonke into. Kutheni ungakhe uzame ukujonga izinto njengeqabane lakho? (Filipi 2:4; 4:5) Yenza loo nto kanye enye indoda yaseMexico ekuthiwa nguAdrián. Ithi: “Inkosikazi yam ayizange ikhuliswe kakuhle ngoko ke ndandingathandi ukuba sisondelelane kakhulu nabazali bayo. Ekugqibeleni, ndayeka ngokupheleleyo ukunxulumana nabo—kangangeminyaka. Loo nto yasixabanisa kakhulu kuba inkosikazi yam yona yayisakufuna ukusondela entsatsheni yayo, ngokukodwa kunina.”

Ekuhambeni kwexesha uAdrián wazibona ngenye indlela izinto. Uthi: “Nangona ndisazi ukuba ukusondela kakhulu komfazi wam kubazali bakhe kunempembelelo engentle, ukunganxibelelani kwakhe nabo ngokupheleleyo nako kunokubangela iingxaki. Ndiye ndazama kangangoko ukuba nobuhlobo nabantu basebukhweni bam.” *

Abazali basoloko bengena izinto zomtshato wenu, benipha amacebiso eningawacelanga. Inkosikazi yaseKazakhstan ekuthiwa nguNelya ithi: “Kwiminyaka esixhenxe yokuqala sitshatile sasihlala kulo myeni wam. Sasisoloko sixabana nabazali ngendlela yokukhulisa abantwana nangendlela endandipheka nendandicoca ngayo. Ndathetha nomyeni wam nomamazala ngale nto, kodwa ke loo nto yabangela ingxabano ezingakumbi!”

Izinto ezibandakanyekileyo:

Xa utshata uyaphuma kwigunya labazali bakho. Kunoko iBhayibhile ithi “intloko yayo yonke indoda nguKristu, intloko yomfazi yindoda”—umyeni wakhe. (1 Korinte 11:3) Nakuba kunjalo, njengoko kukhe kwatshiwo ngaphambili, umyeni nomfazi wakhe bafanele babahlonele abazali babo. Phofu neMizekeliso 23:22 ithi: “Mphulaphule uyihlo okuzeleyo, yaye ungamdeleli unyoko ngenxa nje yokuba emdala.” Kodwa kuthekani xa abazali bakho okanye beqabane lakho—beyilibala indawo yabo—baze bazame ukunyanzelisa iimbono zabo?

Oko ninokukwenza:

Zamani ngomoya omhle ukuqonda unobangela. URyan ekuthethwe ngaye ekuqaleni uthi: “Kwezinye iimeko abazali kufuneka bazi ukuba basabalulekile kubomi babantwana babo.” Basenokuba abangeneleli ngabom yaye loo nto inokulungiswa ngokusebenzisa isiluleko seBhayibhile esithi, “qhubekani ninyamezelana yaye nixolelana ngesisa ukuba nabani na unesizathu sokukhalazela omnye.” (Kolose 3:13) Kodwa ke, kuthekani ukuba ukungenelela kwabazali benu kuyanixabanisa?

Amanye amadoda nabafazi bawo baye bafunda ukubabekela imida efanelekileyo abazali babo. Loo nto ayithethi kuthi ufanele ubabekele imithetho engqongqo. * Ngokuqhelekileyo kuye kufuneke nje ukuba wenze kucace ngezenzo zakho ukuba iqabane lakho liza kuqala ebomini. Ngokomzekelo, uMasayuki, enye indoda yaseJapan eneminyaka emibini itshatile uthi: “Xa abazali bekucebisa ngento ethile, musa ukuvuma ngoko nangoko. Khumbula ukuba nakha intsapho entsha. Ngoko qala ugqugule neqabane lakho.”

Iingxabano ezininzi nabazali benu zinokuthintelwa ngokuqonda oonobangela bazo nangokungazivumeli ukuba zinixabanise. Ngalo mbandela uJenny uthi: “Ngamanye amaxesha sasixabana nomyeni xa kufuneka sithethe ngabazali bethu yaye kwakungabi mnandi xa omnye ehlaba amadlala abazali bomnye. Ekugqibeleni, safunda ukuba sicombulule iingxaki esinazo kunokuba sihlaselane ngenxa yeentsilelo zabazali bethu. Ngenxa yoko siye sasondelelana kakhulu.”