Isahluko 2

Ukuthandana Ngokufihlakeleyo—Kunokuba Yingozi Njani?

UJessica wayesengxakini. Yaqal’ inkathazo xa uJeremy awayefunda naye esikolweni ebonisa umdla kuye. Uthi: “Wayeyinzwana, amanye amantombazana ayesithi ungoyena mfana uziphethe kakuhle kwendakha ndadibana nabo. Maninzi amantombazana awayekhe azibika kuye, kodwa wayengenamdla kuwo. Wayethe swii ndim kuphela.”

Kungabanga thuba lide, uJeremy wacela uthando kuJessica. UJessica wathi njengokuba eliNgqina likaYehova akanakuthandana nomntu anganquli naye. “Kodwa uJeremy weza necebo,” utsho njalo uJessica. “Wandibuza, ‘Kutheni ke singathandani, sibafihlele abazali bakho?’”

UKUBA umntu otsaleleke kuye ebenokuthetha into efanayo, ubuya kuphendula uthini? Kusenokukothusa ukwazi ukuba, uJessica wavumelana necebo likaJeremy. Le ntwazana ithi: “Ndandiqinisekile ukuba, xa nje sinokuthandana, ndinokumnceda athande uYehova.” Waba yintoni umphumo? Siza kuphinda siwuphendule lo mbuzo. Makhe siqale sibone indlela abanye abaye babambiseka ngayo kumgibe wokuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo.

Isizathu Sokuba Bakwenze Oku

Kutheni abanye bethandana ngokufihlakeleyo? UDavid  oselula uthi, “Bazi kakuhle ukuba abazali babo abasoze bavume, ngoko ababaxeleli.” UJane uchaza esinye isizathu. Uthi: “Ukuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo kukuvukela. Xa uvakalelwa kukuba uphathwa njengosana, ugqiba kwelokuba wenze unothanda, nto nje ungabaxeleli abazali bakho.”

Ngaba mhlawumbi zikho ezinye izizathu ocinga ukuba zenza abanye bathandane ngokufihlakeleyo? Ukuba kunjalo, zibhale apha ngezantsi.

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Uyazi ukuba iBhayibhile ithi umele ubathobele abazali bakho. (Efese 6:1) Xa abazali bakho bekwalela ukuba uthandane, bamele ukuba banesizathu esivakalayo. Phofu ke, mayingakothusi into yokuba ucinga oku:

 ● Ndiziva ndingafani nabanye abantwana, kuba wonk’ umntu uyathandana.

● Nakuba singekho kunqulo olunye, kodwa ndiyamthanda.

● Ndifuna ukuthandana nomnye umKristu, nakuba ndisemncinane kakhulu ukuba ndingatshata.

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uyazi ukuba abazali bakho banokuthini xa unokuthetha oku kungasentla. Yaye xa ucingisisa kakuhle uyazi ukuba abazali bakho banyanisile. Kwangaxeshanye usenokuvakalelwa njengentombazana  egama linguManami, ethi: “Akulula ukumelana nengcinezelo yokuthandana, kangangokuba nam ndidla ngokungaqiniseki kanye kanye ngesigqibo endimele ndisenze. Kunzima ngolutsha namhlanje ukuba lungathandani. Ngaphezu koko, akumnandanga ukuba wedwa!” Ngenxa yoko, abanye baqalisa ukuthandana, baze bakufihle oko kubazali. Njani?

“Saxelelwa Ukuba Singakhe Siyiphathe”

Kwaigama eli lithi “ukuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo” libonisa ukuba kufuneka ubaqhathe abazali. Ngaloo ndlela abanye bancokola ngefowuni okanye ngeInternet ukuze bangaziwa ukuba bayathandana. Phambi kwabantu bakhangeleka bengabahlobo nje, kodwa ii-email abathumelelana zona, nezinto abazincokola efowunini, zithetha enye into.

Olunye ulutsha luye lulungiselele umcimbi othile njengeqela, ukuze kamva mntu ngamnye ahlale nesithandwa sakhe. UJames uthi: “Sakha samenywa kwenye imbutho, xa sifika apho safumanisa ukuba le nto ibicetywe kwangaphambili ukuze kudityaniswe enye inkwenkwe nenye intombazana. Saxelelwa ukuba singakhe siyiphathe.”

Njengokuba uJames ebonisa, abahlobo badla ngokufak’ isandla xa abantu bethandana ngokufihlakeleyo. UCarol uthi: “Kudla ngokubakho umhlobo olwaziyo olu lwalamano kodwa akhethe ukungaxeli kuba engafuni ukudiza amahlebo.” Ngamanye amaxesha kubakho nokungathembeki. UBeth oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala uthi: “Ulutsha oluninzi lufihla ukuthandana kwalo kubazali balo ngokungaxeli apho luya khona.” UMisaki oneminyaka eli-19 ubudala wenza kanye loo nto. Uthi: “Kwakufuneka ndicinge amaqhinga. Ndandiqiniseka ukuba andixoki  ngenye into ngaphandle nje kwale yokuthandana kwam, ukuze abazali bahlale bendithemba.”

Iingxaki Zokuthandana Ngokufihlakeleyo

Ukuba ufuna ukuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo—okanye sele uthandana—kufuneka uzibuze le mibuzo mibini ilandelayo:

Ndiza kuphelela phi? Ngaba uzimisele ukutshata nalo mntu ngokukhawuleza? UEvan oneminyaka engama-20 ubudala uthi: “Ukuthandana ungenanjongo yokutshata kufana nokuthengisa into ongafuni ukuba ithengwe.” Unokuba yintoni umphumo? IMizekeliso 13:12 ithi: “Ulindelo olubanjezelweyo lugulisa intliziyo.” Ngaba ngokwenene ufuna ukwenza intliziyo yomntu omthandayo igule? Nasi esinye isilumkiso: Ukuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo kubangela ukuba abazali bakho nabanye abantu abanamava bangakwazi ukukunceda. Ngenxa yoko, usenokuwela kumgibe wokuziphatha kakubi ngokwesini.—Galati 6:7.

Uvakalelwa njani uYehova uThixo ngale nto ndiyenzayo? IBhayibhile ithi: “Zonke izinto zize yaye zibhencekile emehlweni alowo simele siphendule kuye.” (Hebhere 4:13) Ngoko xa ufihla ukuthandana kwakho—okanye ukuthandana komhlobo wakho—uYehova uyayazi loo nto. Yaye ukuba uyabaqhatha abazali bakho umele ulumke, kuba uYehova uThixo ukuthiyile ukuxoka. Enyanisweni, iBhayibhile ithi uyalucekisa “ulwimi oluxokayo.”—IMizekeliso 6:16-19.

Ukuzisa Izinto Ekukhanyeni

Enyanisweni, kuya kuba yinto entle ukuthetha nomzali okanye omnye umKristu okhulileyo ngolu lwalamano ulufihlayo. Yaye ukuba umhlobo wakho uthandana ngokufihlakeleyo, musa ukuncedisana naye ekufihleni ukuthandana kwakhe.  (1 Timoti 5:22) Ngaphezu koko, ubuya kuvakalelwa njani ukuba olu lwalamano lunokuba nemiphumo emibi? Ngaba ubungenakuziva unetyala?

Ngokomzekelo: Masithi umhlobo wakho unesifo seswekile kodwa utya iilekese yaye uyakufihla oko. Ubuya kwenza ntoni xa ubuyazi loo nto, kodwa abe umhlobo wakho ekubongoza ukuba ungaxeleli mntu? Yiyiphi eyona nto ibalulekileyo—kukuquma umhlobo wakho okanye kukwenza okuthile ukuze usindise ubomi bakhe?

Kuyafana naxa usazi ukuba umhlobo wakho uthandana ngokufihlakeleyo. Musa ukuba nexhala lokuphela kobuhlobo. Njengokuba ixesha lihamba, umhlobo wokwenene uya kubona ukuba ubuzama ukumnceda.—INdumiso 141:5.

Ngaba Yimfihlelo Okanye Ngumbandela Wobuqu?

Noko ke, asingabo bonke abantu abathandana ngokufihlakeleyo abakhohlisayo. Ngokomzekelo, masithi umfana nentombazana bafuna ukwazana bhetele, kodwa abakafuni ukuba oko kwaziwe nguwonke wonke. Mhlawumbi njengokuba  uThomas esitsho, “abakafuni ukuphekwa besophulwa ngemibuzo enjengalo, ‘Khanitsho ke, nitshata nini?’”

Ingcinezelo evela kwabanye inokuba yingozi. (INgoma yazo iiNgoma 2:7) Ngoko ke, xa ulwalamano lusaqala, abanye basenokukhetha ukungathethi ngalo. (IMizekeliso 10:19) UAnna oneminyaka engama-20, uthi: “Oku kuya kunika aba bantu babini ithuba lokuba bacinge nzulu ngenjongo yokuthandana kwabo. Xa sele beqinisekile, basenokuziva bekhululekile ukwazisa nabanye abantu.”

Kwangaxeshanye, kuphosakele ukufihla ulwalamano lwenu kubantu abamele balwazi, njengabazali bakho okanye abazali bomntu othandana naye. Eneneni, ukuba akufuni abantu bazi ngokuthandana kwakho, kufuneka uzibuze ukuba, yintoni le ingaka uyifihlayo? Ngaba uyazi entliziyweni yakho ukuba abazali bakho baza kuba nezizathu ezivakalayo zokukwalela?

“Ndandikwazi Endimele Ndikwenze”

UJessica esithethe ngaye ekuqaleni, watshintsha ingqondo ngokuthandana noJeremy, emva kokuba eve into eyenzeka  komnye umKristu owayekwimeko efanayo. Uthi: “Emva kokuba ndive indlela awaluphelisa ngayo olo lwalamano, ndandikwazi endimele ndikwenze.” Ngaba kwakulula ukwahlukana? Akunjalo! UJessica uthi: “Kuphela komfana endakha ndamthanda lo. Zaqengqeleka iiveki ndikhala.”

UJessica wayesazi ukuba uyamthanda uYehova. Nakuba wakha waphambuka, wayefuna ukwenza okulungileyo. Emva kwexesha, loo ntlungu yokwahlukana yathomalala. UJessica uthi: “Ngoku ulwalamano lwam noYehova lubhetele kunakuqala. Ndinombulelo gqitha ngokusinika kwakhe ukhokelo olusifaneleyo ngexesha elifanelekileyo!”

KWISAHLUKO ESILANDELAYO

Ukulungele ukuthandana yaye sele umfumene umntu omthandayo. Kodwa wazi njani ukuba lo mntu ukufanele?

IZIBHALO EZIBALASELISA

“Sinqwenela ukuziphatha ngokunyaniseka kwizinto zonke.”—Hebhere 13:18.

ICEBISO

Akuyomfuneko ukuxelela wonk’ umntu ukuba uyathandana. Kodwa baxelele abo banelungelo lokwazi, ingakumbi abazali bakho nabazali bomntu othandana naye.

NGABA UBASAZI . . . ?

Ukuthembana sisiseko solwalamano oluphumelelayo. Ukuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo kwenza abazali bakho bangakuthembi yaye kusisiseko esihexayo solwalamano lwakho nomntu othandana naye.

OKO NDICEBA UKUKWENZA!

Ukuba ndithandana nomKristu ngokufihlakeleyo, ndiza ․․․․․

Ukuba umhlobo wam uthandana ngokufihlakeleyo, ndiza ․․․․․

Oko ndifuna ukukubuza abazali bam ngalo mba ․․․․․

UCINGA NTONI?

● Khawucingisise ngezi  meko zintathu zibhalwe ngqindilili ezikwiphepha 22. Yiyiphi kwezi ebonisa indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngamanye amaxesha?

● Yintoni onokuyenza ngaphandle kokuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo?

● Ukuba uyazi ukuba umhlobo wakho uthandana ngokufihlakeleyo, unokuhlangabezana njani nale meko, yaye kutheni ukhetha ukwenza ngaloo ndlela?

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 27]

“Ndayeka ukuthandana ngokufihlakeleyo. Kodwa kwakunzima ukusoloko ndidibana nenkwenkwe endandiyithanda esikolweni. Kodwa uYehova uThixo wazi yonke into, ngokungafaniyo nathi. Kufuneka nje thina simthembe.”—UJessica

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 25]

Ukuquma umhlobo othandana ngokufihlakeleyo kufana nokuquma umhlobo wakho otya iilekese ngokufihlakeleyo kodwa enesifo seswekile