Phakathi ko-1990 ukuya ku-2015, eUnited States inani labantu abadivosayo abaneminyaka eyi-50 nangaphezulu, liye laphinda-phindana kabini. Kanti abo baneminyaka engaphezulu kweyi-65, inani labo liye laphinda-phindana kathathu. Kutheni abantu abadala bedivosa? Ningenza njani ukuze le nto ingenzeki kowenu umtshato?

Kweli nqaku

•  Yintoni ebangela ukuba abantu abakhulileyo badivose?

•  Into onokuyenza

•  Into eninokuncokola ngayo

•    Amaxesha amaninzi, ukudivosa kwendoda nomfazi esele bekhulile kuye kubangelwe kukuba baye bayeka ukusondelelana kancinci kancinci. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, amanye amadoda nabafazi baye bathande izinto ezingafaniyo kuze kubonakale ngathi zininzi izinto abangafaniyo ngazo. Okanye xa abantwana sele bekhulile baza bayokuzihlalela, indoda nomfazi basenokuqaphela ukuba bachithe ixesha elininzi bekhulisa abantwana babo, de bakulibala ukuhoyana njengendoda nomfazi.

•    Kula maxesha angoku, abantu abathi banolwazi ngomtshato baye baxelela abantu abatshatileyo ukuba eyona nto amabayihoye zizinto ezidingwa ngabo. ‘Ngaba kulo mtshato ndonwabile?’ ‘Ngaba undenza umntu obhetele?’ ‘Ngaba umntu enditshate naye undenza ndizive ndithandwa ibe ndixatyiswa ngendlela endifuna ngayo?’ Abantu bathi namhlanje ukuba impendulo yakho kweminye yale mibuzo nguhayi, umele wenze into ezokonwabisa wena, umdivose uze uqale ubomi obutsha.

•   Ukudivosa akusajongwa kakubi. UEric Klinenberg, ofunde ngeendlela abantu abaphilisana ngazo uthi; “Umntu ongonwabanga ngenxa yomntu atshate naye aze afune idovosi, bekuye kufuneke ukuba achaze isizathu sokuba enze eso sigqibo. Ngoku izinto zitshintshile: Ukuba awonwabanga emtshatweni wakho, kuye kufuneke ukuba uzithethelele ngokuba kutheni usahleli kuwo, kuba ngoku abantu bathi umele wenze lento izokwenza wena wonwabe.” a

 Ewe kona, xa umntu edivosa usenokuyeka ukuba neengxaki anazo ngoku, kodwa usenokuba nezinye ebengenazo ngaphambili. Ngokomzekelo, abaphandi bathi “ukudivosa kwabantu abadala kuye kwenze iingxaki zemali ingakumbi kubafazi.”

 Ikhona nenye into ekumele nicinge ngayo. Incwadi ethi Don’t Divorce ithi “Nokuba ungazama ukutshintsha ubomi bakho, kodwa ubuntu bakho abukatshintshi. Uye wayitshintsha njani indlela obuthetha ngayo nomntu otshate naye ebingasebenzi? Wenze ntoni ukuze utshintshe indlela owenza ngayo xa nixabana?” b

•   Izinto xa zitshintsha zamkele. Izinto phakathi kwenu azizukusoloko zifana. Umtshato wenu usenokutshintsha kuba abantwana benu beye bayokuzihlalela okanye niye naqalisa ukuthanda izinto ezingafaniyo. Endaweni yokucinga ukuba izinto zazinjani kudala, zama ukucinga ukuba ninokuziphucula njani ngoku.

   Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Sukuthi, ‘Kutheni le nto imihla yakudala ibhetele kunale?’ Kuba ayibobulumko ukubuza loo nto.”—INtshumayeli 7:10.

•   Yiba ngumhlobo osondeleyo nomntu otshate naye. Ngaba awunakuzama ukuyithanda into umntu otshate naye ayithandayo ngoku, okanye umncede athande leyo wena ikonwabisayo ngoku? Ngaba awunakuzama into entsha eniza kuyonwabela nobabini? Eyona nto nimele nizimisele ukuyenza kukuchitha ixesha kunye ukuze kucace ukuba nitshatile, aningobantu ababini abahlala kunye njee.

   Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Mntu ngamnye makangafuni kulungelwe yena, kodwa makafune kulungelwe abanye.”—1 Korinte 10:24.

•   Ningayeki ukuphathana kakuhle. Ningayeki ukuba nobubele kuba kudala nitshatile. Thetha ngembeko nomntu otshate naye, uze umphathe kakuhle ngendlela owawusenza ngayo ngokuya nanisathandana. Sebenzisa amazwi athi “ndiyacela,” “enkosi.” Mxelela uze umbonise qho umntu otshate naye ukuba uyamthanda, ibe mbonise ukuba uyambulela ngezinto akwenzela zona.

   Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Yibani nobubele omnye komnye, nibe novelwano.”—Efese 4:32.

•   Zikhumbuze ngeentsuku ezazimnandi. Bukani iifoto zenu zomtshato kunye, okanye nibuke iifoto zeendawo enakha naya kuzo kunye. Ukwenza le nto kunganinceda nihlale nithandana ibe nihloniphana emtshatweni, okanye niluvuselele olo thando.

   Umgaqo weBhayibhile: “Ngamnye wenu makamthande umfazi wakhe, kanye njengokuba ezithanda: Kwelinye icala, umfazi umele amhloniphe kakhulu umyeni wakhe.”—Efese 5:33.