Umshado ngeke uphumelele uma abantu abashadile bengathembani. Ngakho ungasigwema kanjani isikhwele esingenasidingo?

Kulesi sihloko

•  Siyini isikhwele?

•  Sidalwa yini isikhwele esingenasidingo?

•  Ungasilawula kanjani isikhwele sakho?

•  Uma oshade naye enesikhwele

•  Eningaxoxa ngakho

 Siyini isikhwele?

 Igama elithi “isikhwele” lingachazwa ngezindlela eziningi. Kulesi sihloko, libhekisela endleleni esizizwa ngayo lapho sibona sengathi kukhona ozidlisa satshanyana kumuntu esishade naye noma sibona sengathi umuntu esishade naye useqala ukunaka omunye umuntu ngokungafanele. Singase sibone sengathi umshado wethu usengozini. Uma kunjalo ngempela, kulindelekile ukuba nesikhwele. Ayikho into ehlanganisa abantu ababili ukwedlula umshado, abashadile kufanele benze konke abangakwenza ukuze bawuvikele.

 Okushiwo iBhayibheli: “Abasebabili, kodwa sebenyamanye. . . . Lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye makungahlukaniswa muntu.”—Mathewu 19:6.

 “Uma umshado wakho usengozini, isikhwele singafaniswa ne-alamu lomlilo elikuxwayisa ngengozi futhi elikwenza uthathe isinyathelo.”—UBenjamin.

 Noma kunjalo, esinye isikhwele sidalwa yizinsolo ezingasekelwe ndawo nokwesaba okungenasidingo. Uthando lweqiniso lungasisiza sigweme leso sikhwele esiyingozi. (1 Korinte 13:4, 7) UDkt. Robert L. Leahy wabhala: “Izinto ozenziswa [isikhwele esingenasisekelo] zingabhidliza bona kanye lobu budlelwane ozama ukubuvikela.” a

 Sidalwa yini isikhwele esingenasidingo?

 Kungase kube lula ukuba nalesi sikhwele uma ngaphambilini umuntu owawushade naye engazange athembeke. Noma kungenzeka umshado wabazali bakho awuzange uphumelele ngenxa yokuthi kukhona ongathembekanga kubo, wesaba ukuthi kuzokwenzeka into efanayo nakowakho.

 “Ngisemncane, ubaba waphinga, kusukela lapho ngikuthola kunzima ukwethemba omunye umuntu. Lokho kwangilimaza ngaphakathi, kufana nesilonda esingapholi esibuye siphazamise umshado wami.”—UMelissa.

 Ukungazethembi nakho kungase kube inkinga, ngoba kungakwenza usheshe ukusola ukuthi abanye bazobhidliza umshado wakho. Ungaze ucabange ukuthi uma oshade naye engathola ithuba, uzokushiya aye komunye.

 “Umyeni wami wacelwa ukuba abe umkhaphi emshadweni womngani wakhe, okwakusho ukuthi wayezobuye adanse nomuntu wesifazane. Akungiphathanga kahle lokho. Ngangifuna enqabe.”—UNaomi.

 Amasiko omshado awafani, amaKristu kumele aqondiswe iBhayibheli. Sasikhona yini isidingo sokuthi uNaomi abe nesikhwele? Uma ebheka emumva, uyavuma ukuthi sasingekho isidingo sokuthi abe nesikhwele. Uthi, “Ngaleso sikhathi ngangingazethembi. Ngangicabanga ukuthi umyeni wami ungiqhathanisa nabanye abantu besifazane, kodwa ngangimane nje ngidlala imicabango.”

 Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sibangelwa yini, isikhwele esingasekelwe ndawo singakwenza usole oshade naye mhlawumbe uze umbeke icala lokungathembeki kungafanele. Lokho kungathembani kuzowulimaza umshado wakho, kungaze kulimaze ngisho nempilo yakho.

 Okushiwo iBhayibheli: “Isikhwele sinjengomdlavuza.”—IzAga 14:30, Easy-to-Read Version.

 Ungasilawula kanjani isikhwele sakho?

 Methembe kakhudlwana oshade naye. Esikhundleni sokufuna izimpawu ezibonisa ukuthi oshade naye akathembekile emshadweni wenu, cabanga ngezinto asezenzile eziyisizathu sokuba umethembe.

 “Ukucabanga ngezimfanelo ezinhle zomyeni wami kuyangisiza. Uma enaka umuntu othile, kungenxa yokuthi umkhathalela ngeqiniso, kusuke kungekhona ukuthi unezifiso ezingafanele. Kubuye kudingeke ngizikhumbuze ukuthi umshado wami awufani nowabazali bami.”—UMelissa.

 Iphendu-phendule imicabango yakho. UDkt. Leahy, ocashunwe ekuqaleni, uthi: “Sivamise ukucabanga ukuthi izinto esizicabangayo ziyiqiniso. Sizethemba ngezinga lokuthi asibe sisacabanga ukuthi kungenzeka esikucabangayo akunjalo. Kodwa ukukholelwa ukuthi into iyiqiniso akusho ukuthi kunjalo ngempela, nokuzethemba kwethu akubona ubufakazi.” b

 “Ukucabangana nezinto ezingekho uze ufinyelele iziphetho, kungadala inkinga engenasidingo emshadweni.”—UNadine.

 Khuluma ngezinto ezikukhathazayo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isikhwele sakho sibangelwa yini, khuluma nomuntu oshade naye ngezinto ezikukhathazayo ukuze nobabili nibeke imingcele engelona ihaba.

 “Lapho niba nezingxoxo ezinjalo, ungacabangi ukuthi oshade naye ufuna ukukuzwisa ubuhlungu, kunalokho zitshele ukuthi naye uzama ukulungisa izinto. Zitshele ukuthi oshade naye unezinhloso ezinhle. Mhlawumbe wena uyashesha ukuzwela futhi ulindele okungaphezu kwamandla akhe. Noma kungenzeka oshade naye akaboni ukuthi akakunaki ngendlela ofisa ngayo.”—UCiara.

 Okushiwo iBhayibheli: “Yilowo nalowo makangazifuneli inzuzo yakhe siqu, kodwa eyomunye umuntu.”—1 Korinte 10:24.