Lokho Izinsana Ezikudingayo Nezikufunayo

KUSUKELA ngesikhathi luzalwa, usana ludinga ukunakekelwa ngesisa, kuhlanganise nokuphululwa ngesineke nokuthintana nonina isikhumba nesikhumba. Abanye odokotela bakholelwa ukuthi amahora okuqala angu-12 ngemva kokuzalwa kwalo abaluleke kakhulu. Bathi okudingwa unina nalolu sana ngemva nje kokubeletha “akukona ukulala noma ukudla, kodwa ukuphululwa nokugonwa babukane futhi balalelane.” *

Ngokwemvelo, abazali bathatha umntwana wabo bamgone, bamphulule, futhi bamshushuzele. Umntwana naye usondelana kakhulu nabazali futhi asabele lapho bemnaka. Lesi sibopho sinamandla kangangokuthi abazali baze bazidele impela benakekela lo mntwana ngokungakhathali.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho singekho lesi sibopho sothando nabazali, usana lungase lubune futhi lufe. Ngakho-ke, abanye odokotela bakholelwa ukuthi kubalulekile ukuba usana lunikezwe unina ngokushesha nje ngemva kokubelethwa. Basikisela ukuthi kumelwe kuvunyelwe ukuba umzali athintane nomntanakhe okungenani imizuzu engu-30 kuya kwengu-60 ngemva nje kokubeletha.

Yize abanye bekugcizelela ukubaluleka kokwakheka kwalesi sibopho, kungenzeka ukuba kwezinye izibhedlela kungabi lula ukuthintana zisuka nje noma kungenzeka kungenzeki nhlobo. Ngokuvamile izinsana zihlukaniswa nabazali bazo ngokwesabela ukuthi bangase badlulisele izifo ezithathelwanayo kuzo. Nokho, obunye ubufakazi bubonisa ukuthi izinga lokungenwa yisifo esithathelwanayo empeleni kungenzeka lehle lapho izinsana zihlala nonina. Ngakho izibhedlela eziningi ngokwandayo ziyakuvumela ukuba unina nosana bathintane isikhathi eside zisuka nje.

Ukukhathazeka Ngokwakheka Kwesibopho

Abanye omama abasondelani ngokomzwelo nabantababo lapho  nje beqala ukubabona. Ngakho bayazibuza, ‘Ingabe kuzoba nzima ukuba kwakheke isibopho phakathi kwami nosana lwami?’ Kuyavunywa ukuthi akubona bonke omama ababathanda zisuka nje abantababo. Nokho, asikho isizathu sokukhathazeka.

Ngisho nalapho kwenzeka lwephuze uthando lukamama nomntanakhe, lungahlakulelwa ngokugcwele kamuva. Omunye umama ongumakadebona uthi: “Awukho umthetho omayelana nokuzalwa komntwana onqumayo ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho nomntanakho buzokwakheka noma buzonqamuka yini.” Yize kunjalo, uma ukhulelwe futhi ukhathazekile, kungase kube ukuhlakanipha ukuxoxa nombelethisi wakho kusengaphambili. Cacisa izifiso zakho mayelana nokuthi ufuna ukuthintana nini, futhi isikhathi eside kangakanani nosana lwakho lapho lusanda kuzalwa.

“Ngicela Nikhulume Nami!”

Kubonakala kunamathuba athile adlulayo izinsana ezisabela ngokukhethekile ezimweni ezithile ngawo. La mathuba ayaphela ngemva kwesikhashana. Ngokwesibonelo, ubuchopho bengane esencane bufunda ulimi kalula, ngisho nezilimi ezingaphezu kolulodwa. Kodwa kubonakala sengathi inkathi okulula kakhulu ngayo ukufunda ulimi iqala ukuphela lapho ingane isineminyaka emihlanu ubudala.

Ngemva kokuba ingane isineminyaka engu-12 kuya kwengu-14 ubudala, ukufunda ulimi kungase kube umqansa. Ngokwesazi sokusebenza kobuchopho bezinsana uPeter Huttenlocher, ngaleso sikhathi “izinzwa zengxenye yobuchopho ephathelene nolimi ziyagqagqana futhi zinciphe.” Kusobala ukuthi iminyaka embalwa yokuqala yokuphila kosana ibaluleke kakhulu ukuba luthuthukise ikhono lokufunda ulimi!

Izinsana zikwazi kanjani ukufunda ukukhuluma, okuyinto ebaluleke kangaka ekukhuleni kwalo olwazini? Ngokuyinhloko zikufunda ngokuxhumana nabazali ngamazwi. Izinsana zisabela ikakhulukazi emsindweni ovela kubantu. “Usana . . . lulingisa izwi likanina,” kuphawula uBarry Arons wase-Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Nokho, kuyathakazelisa ukuthi izinsana azilingisi yonke imisindo. Njengoba u-Arons ephawula, usana “aluyibambi imisindo yezinsimbi okungenzeka ivele ngasikhathi sinye nezwi likamama.”

Abazali bezizinda zempucuko ezihlukahlukene bakhuluma nabantababo besebenzisa indlela efanayo enesigqi yokuziteketisa. Njengoba umzali ekhuluma ngendlela enothando, inhliziyo yosana ishaya ngamandla. Kukholelwa ukuthi lokhu kuyasiza ekusheshiseni ukukhula kwekhono lomntwana lokuhlanganisa amazwi nezinto. Lungakhiphanga zwi, usana luthi: “Ngicela nikhulume nami!”

“Ngicela Ninginake!”

Kuqinisekisiwe ukuthi cishe phakathi nonyaka wokuqala, usana lwakha isibopho esingokomzwelo nomuntu omdala olunakekelayo, ngokuvamile kuba unina. Uma leso sibopho sesiqinile, kulula ngalo mntwana ukujwayela abanye abantu kunangabantwana abangenaso isibopho esiqinile nabazali babo. Kukholelwa ukuthi ukwakheka kwalesi sibopho nonina, kumelwe kube sekwenzekile lapho ingane iba neminyaka emithathu.

Kungenzekani uma usana ludebeselelwa phakathi nale nkathi ebucayi lapho umqondo walo uthonywa kalula amathonya angaphandle? UMartha Farrell Erickson, owalandelela omama abangu-267 nezingane zabo iminyaka engaphezu kwengu-20, uveza lo mbono: “Ukunganakwa kumane nje kuwuqede kancane kancane umoya wengane, kuze kube yilapho ingasenaso isifiso sokuxhumana nabanye abantu noma sokwazi izwe.”

Lapho ezama ukufanekisa umbono wakhe mayelana nemiphumela emibi yokunganakwa ngokomzwelo, uDkt. Bruce Perry waseTexas  Children’s Hospital uthi: “Uma ubungangicela ukuba ngithathe usana olunezinyanga eziyisithupha ubudala bese ngikhetha phakathi kokwephula wonke amathambo omzimba walo noma ukungalunaki ngokomzwelo izinyanga ezimbili, bengiyothi kungaba ngcono kakhulu ngomntwana ukuwaphula wonke amathambo omzimba wakhe.” Ngani? Ngokombono kaPerry, “amathambo angahlumeleleka, kodwa uma ubuchopho bosana bungase bungashukunyiswa izinyanga ezimbili ezibalulekile, umphumela uyoba ubuchopho obungahlelekile phakade.” Akubona bonke abavumayo ukuthi umonakalo onjalo awulungiseki. Noma kunjalo, ukuhlola kwezesayensi kubonisa ukuthi ubuchopho bengane budinga ukuba iphathwe kahle ngokomzwelo.

Incwadi ethi Infants ithi: “Ngamafuphi, [abantwana] bakulungele ukuthanda nokuthandwa.” Lapho usana lukhala, ngokuvamile lusuke lucela abazali balo luthi: “Ngicela ninginake!” Kubalulekile ukuba abazali basabele ngokulukhathalela. Ngokuxhumana okunjalo, usana luyaqaphela ukuthi luyakwazi ukwenza izidingo zalo zaziwe. Lufunda ukwakha ubudlelwano nabanye.

‘Ingabe Angimtotosi Umntwana?’

Ungase ubuze, ‘Uma ngisabela isikhathi ngasinye umntwana ekhala, ngeke yini kube ukumtotosa?’ Mhlawumbe. Kunemibono engafani kulo mbuzo. Njengoba umntwana ngamunye ehlukile, ngokuvamile kudingeka ukuba abazali banqume ukuthi iyiphi indlela engcono yokubhekana nesimo. Nokho, ucwaningo oluthile lwamuva lubonisa ukuthi lapho usana lulambile, lungaphathekile kahle noma luphazamisekile, izindlala zokucindezeleka zikhiqiza ama-hormone okucindezeleka. Luveza usizi lwalo ngokukhala. Kuthiwa lapho umzali esabela futhi anelisa izidingo zosana, umzali uqala ukwakha amangqamuzana ebuchosheni bomntwana amsiza ukuba afunde ukuzishushuzela. Futhi, ngokukaDkt. Megan Gunnar, usana oluye lwathola ukunakwa lapho lukhala lukhiqiza i-hormone yokucindezeleka i-cortisol encane. Ngisho nalapho kwenzeka luphazamiseka, luyashesha ukuyivala le ndlala yokucindezeleka ukuba ingasabeli.

U-Erickson uthi: “Eqinisweni abantwana ababenakwa ngokushesha futhi njalo, ikakhulukazi phakathi nezinyanga zokuqala eziyisithupha kuya kwezingu-8, empeleni abakhali kakhulu uma beqhathaniswa nabantwana ababeyekwa bakhale baze bazithulise.” Kubalulekile nokushintshashintsha indlela osabela ngayo. Uma ngaso sonke isikhathi usabela ngendlela efanayo, njengokumncelisa noma ukumgona, kungenzeka ngempela ateteme. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukusabela nje ngokusho okuthile lapho ekhala kungase kwanele. Noma ukusondela ukhulume naye ngomusa endlebeni kungase kusebenze.  Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukumphulula emhlane noma esiswini ngesandla kungaba yisu elihle.

“Umsebenzi womntwana ukukhala.” Kusho isisho saseMpumalanga. Kumntwana, ukukhala kuyindlela esemqoka aveza ngayo lokho akufunayo. Ubungazizwa kanjani uma ubungase unganakwa njalo uma ucela okuthile? Ngakho-ke, umntanakho ongakwazi ukwenza lutho uma engenamnakekeli, angazizwa kanjani uma enganakwa njalo lapho efuna ukunakwa? Kodwa-ke, ubani okufanele amnake lapho ekhala?

Ubani Onakekela Umntwana?

Ukubalwa kwabantu kwamuva nje e-United States kwembulé ukuthi izingane ezingamaphesenti angu-54 zinakekelwa abathile abangebona abazali bazo njalo ngezikhathi ezithile kusukela zizelwe kuze kube yilapho zifunda ibanga lokuqala. Kungenzeka ukuthi kweminingi imikhaya kuyadingeka ukuba basebenze bobabili abazali ukuze ikwazi ukuphila. Futhi, lapho kungenzeka khona, omama abaningi bathatha isikhathi sekhefu ngaphambi kokubeletha nangemva kwalokho ukuze banakekele izinsana zabo amasonto noma izinyanga ezimbalwa. Kodwa ubani ozonakekela umntwana ngemva kwalokho?

Yebo, akukho mithetho eqinile enqumayo ezimweni ezinjalo. Nokho, kuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi usana lusuke lumdinga kakhulu umuntu ozolunakekela phakathi nale nkathi ebucayi ekuphileni kwalo. Bobabili abazali kudingeka balucabangisise impela lolu daba. Lapho benquma ukuthi bazokwenzani, kumelwe bakucabangele ngokucophelela lokho abakukhethayo.

“Kuya kucaca ngokwengeziwe ukuthi ukuvumela ngisho nezinhlelo ezingcono kakhulu ukuba zisikhulisele izingane zethu akusivali isikhala sesikhathi izingane ezisidinga nonina noyise,” kusho uDkt. Joseph Zanga, we-American Academy of Pediatrics. Ezinye izazi ziye zazwakalisa umuzwa wokukhathazeka ngokuthi izinsana ezisezinkulisa azixhumani nabanakekeli ngokwezinga ezikudinga ngalo.

Abanye omama abasebenzayo, ngokuqaphela izidingo ezibalulekile zezingane zabo, baye banquma ukuhlala ekhaya kunokuba bavumele ukuba kube ngabanye abantu abafeza indima yokunakekela izingane zabo ngokomzwelo. Owesifazane othile wathi: “Ngiye ngavuzwa ngokwaneliseka engikholelwa ngobuqotho ukuthi bengingeke ngikuthole kunoma yimuphi omunye umsebenzi.” Yiqiniso, izingcindezi zezomnotho azibavumeli bonke omama ukuba bakhethe ukwenza kanjalo. Abazali abaningi abakwazi ukwenza ngokunye ngaphandle kokusebenzisa izinkulisa, ngakho bayazikhandla banike izingane zabo ukunakwa nothando lapho bendawonye. Ngokufanayo, abazali abaningi abangabodwa abasebenzayo abanakho ukwenza ngokunye kule ndaba kodwa bazama impela ukukhulisa izingane—kube nemiphumela emihle.

Umsebenzi wokuba umzali ungaba ojabulisayo, ovusa amadlingozi. Kodwa-ke, kuwumsebenzi oyinselele, okhandlayo. Ungaphumelela kanjani?

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 22]

Abantwana Abathulayo

Odokotela abathile eJapane bathi kunenani elandayo labantwana abangakhali futhi abangamamatheki. Udokotela wezingane uSatoshi Yanagisawa ubabiza ngokuthi abantwana abathulayo. Kungani laba bantwana beyeka ukuveza imizwelo yabo? Abanye odokotela bakholelwa ukuthi lesi simo sivela lapho abantwana bencishwa ukuthintana nabazali. Lesi simo sibizwa ngokuthi umuzwa ogxilile wokuzizwa ungenabani. Omunye umbono usikisela ukuthi lapho izidingo zabo zokuxhumana nothile zinganakwa njalo noma ziqondwa kabi, abantwana bagcina sebeyekile ukuzama ukuxhumana nabantu.

UDkt. Bruce Perry, ophethe uphiko lwezifo zengqondo eTexas Children’s Hospital, usikisela ukuthi uma ubuchopho bomntwana bungashukunyiswa ngendlela efanele ngesikhathi esifanele, kungenza ukuba ingxenye yobuchopho bakhe emenza abe nozwela ingakhuli. Ezimweni zokunganakwa ngokweqile ngokomzwelo, kungenzeka umntwana alahlekelwe ukuba nozwela ngendlela engenakulungiseka. UDkt. Perry ukholelwa ukuthi ezimweni ezithile ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezinto eziluthayo nobudlova babasanda kweva eshumini nambili kuhlobene nalokho kuphathwa kabi komuntu lapho eseyingane.

[Isithombe ekhasini 23]

Isibopho phakathi komzali nosana siyaqina lapho bekhulumisana