Kwenzeka kanjani ukuba abantu ababili abafunga ukuthi bazothandana bafinyelele eqophelweni lokuqudulelana kuze kuphele amahora—noma ngisho izinsuku? Bathi, ‘Okungenani siyekile ukuxabana.’ Noma kunjalo, inkinga isuke ingaxazululiwe futhi bobabili bengajabule.

Ukuziphindiselela. Abanye abantu abashadile baziphindiselela ngokumqudulela omunye. Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi indoda yenza izinhlelo zangempelasonto ingabonisananga nomkayo. Lapho ezwa ngalokho, umkayo uyacasuka futhi athi indoda ayimcabangeli. Indoda iphendula ngokuthi uzwela ngokweqile. Ethukuthele, umkayo uyishiya kanjalo angabe esayikhulumisa. Ngalokho, uthi: “Ungizwise ubuhlungu, nami ngizokwenza okufanayo.”

Indlela yokulawula. Abanye bayaqudula ukuze bathole lokho abakufunayo. Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi indoda nomkayo bahlela ukuthatha uhambo futhi inkosikazi ifisa ukuba kuhanjwe nabazali bayo. Indoda iyenqaba. Ithi, “Ushade nami hhayi nabazali bakho.” Ngemva kwalokho iyamqudulela umkayo, imgweme inethemba lokuthi uzoshintsha umqondo abese evumelana nezifiso zayo.

Yiqiniso, ukungakhulumisani okwesikhashana kunganika umbhangqwana ithuba lokwehlisa umoya lapho impikiswano isiqala ukushisa. Lolo hlobo lokuthula lungazuzisa. IBhayibheli lithi sikhona “isikhathi sokuthula.” (UmShumayeli 3:7) Kodwa lapho kusetshenziswa njengendlela yokuziphindiselela noma yokulawula omunye, ukungakhulumisani akugcini ngokwenza ingxabano ingapheli kodwa futhi kuqeda inhlonipho umbhangqwana onayo ngomunye nomunye. Ungakuvimba kanjani lokho ukuba kungenzeki?

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuyeka ukuqudula ukuba nombono onembile ngokuthi kuyini ngempela—indlela okuthi uma isebenzile, ibe nomphumela wesikhashana nje. Yiqiniso ukuthi ukuqudulela omunye kungasanelisa isifiso sakho sokuziphindiselela noma kucindezele oshade naye ukuba ahambisane nezifiso zakho. Kodwa ingabe yileyo ndlela ofuna ukumphatha ngayo umuntu owafunga ukuthi uzomthanda? Kunezindlela ezingcono zokuxazulula ukungezwani.

Yiba oqondayo. IBhayibheli lithi uthando “alucasuki.” (1 Korinte 13:4, 5) Ngakho, ungasabeli ngamawala emazwini abangelwa ukucasuka anjengokuthi “Njalo nje awungilaleli” noma “Akwenzeki ugcine isikhathi.” Kunalokho, qonda lokho okushiwo yilawo mazwi. Ngokwesibonelo, amazwi athi “Njalo nje awungilaleli” empeleni angase asho ukuthi “Nginomuzwa wokuthi awuyinaki imibono yami.”—Isimiso seBhayibheli: IzAga 14:29.

Yehlisa izwi. Amazwi avame ukuphakama lapho impikiswano iqhubeka. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungayinqanda impikiswano ingabhebhetheki. Kanjani? Incwadi ethi Fighting for Your Marriage ithi: “Ukukhuluma ngomoya ophansi nokuhlonipha umbono womuntu oshade naye kungamathuluzi anamandla ongawasebenzisa ukuze udambise ukungezwani futhi ukunqande kungabhebhetheki. Ngokuvamile yilokho nje okudingekayo.”—Isimiso seBhayibheli: IzAga 26:20.

Cabanga ngokuthi “thina” kunokuthi “mina.” IBhayibheli lithi: “Yilowo nalowo makangazifuneli inzuzo yakhe siqu, kodwa eyomunye umuntu.” (1 Korinte 10:24) Uma ubheka oshade naye njengomuntu enibambisene naye kunokuba umbheke njengomelene nawe, ngeke uthambekele kangako ekucasukeni, ekuphikisaneni naye bese umqudulela.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: UmShumayeli 7:9.

Ukuqudula kuyangqubuzana neseluleko seBhayibheli esithi: “Yilowo nalowo kini makamthande kanjalo umkakhe njengoba ezithanda yena; ngakolunye uhlangothi, umfazi kufanele abe nenhlonipho ejulile ngomyeni wakhe.” (Efesu 5:33) Kunganjani nenze isivumelwano noshade naye sokuthi ukungakhulumisani akwamukelekile emshadweni wenu?