Awuzikhohlwa izinto ezimbi ezenziwe noma ezishiwo umuntu oshade naye; amazwi ahlabayo nezenzo zokungacabangeli akusuki engqondweni yakho. Ngenxa yalokho, uthando owawunalo ekuqaleni seluthathelwe indawo amagqubu. Kubonakala ingekho enye into ongayenza ngaphandle kokuqhubeka ukhuthazelela ukuba semshadweni ongenalo uthando. Nalokho kukwenza umcasukele oshade naye.

Qiniseka ngokuthi izinto zingaba ngcono. Nokho, okokuqala, cabangela amaqiniso ambalwa ngokubamba amagqubu.

Ukubamba amagqubu kungawulimaza umshado. Ngani? Ngenxa yokuthi kululaza zona kanye izimfanelo eziyisisekelo somshado, kuhlanganise uthando, ukwethembana nokuba qotho. Ngakho-ke, ngomqondo othile, amagqubu awabangelwa yizinkinga zomshado; yiwo ayinkinga yomshado. Ngesizathu esihle, iBhayibheli lithi: “Makususwe kini konke ukufutheka okubi.”—Efesu 4:31.

Uma ubamba amagqubu, usuke uzilimaza wena. Ukubamba amagqubu kufana nokuzishaya bese ulindela ukuba ubuhlungu buzwiwe ngomunye umuntu. UMark Sichel uyabhala encwadini yakhe ethi Healing From Family Rifts: “Ilungu lomndeni olibambele igqubu kungenzeka lona alinankinga, lijabule futhi mhlawumbe alikhathazekile nhlobo ngalokho.” Kungaphethwa ngokuthini? “Ukubamba amagqubu kulimaza wena kakhulu ukudlula umuntu omthukuthelele,” kusho uSichel.

Ukubamba igqubu indaba yokuzikhethela. Abanye abantu bangase bakungabaze lokhu. Bangase bathi, ‘Umuntu engishade naye ongicasulile.’ Inkinga ukuthi ukucabanga okunjalo kugxila entweni esingenakukwazi ukuyilawula—izenzo zomunye umuntu. IBhayibheli lisinikeza ikhambi. Lithi: “Yilowo nalowo makahlole umsebenzi wakhe siqu.” (Galathiya 6:4) Asinakukwazi ukulawula okushiwo noma okwenziwa omunye umuntu, kodwa singakwazi ukulawula indlela esisabela ngayo kukho. Ukubamba igqubu akuyona ukuphela kwento esingayenza.

Zisole wena ngokubamba igqubu. Kuyavunywa, kulula ukusola umuntu oshade naye. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi ukubamba igqubu indaba yokuzikhethela. Kunjalo nangokuthethelela. Ungakhetha ukulandela iseluleko seBhayibheli: “Ilanga malingashoni nisesimweni sokucasuka.” (Efesu 4:26) Umoya woxolo ukunikeza ithuba lokulungisa izinkinga zomshado wakho ngesimo sengqondo esifanele.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Kolose 3:13.

Zihlolisise ngobuqotho. IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi abanye abantu ‘bathambekele entukuthelweni’ nokuthi ‘bathambekele ekufuthekeni.’ (IzAga 29:22) Ingabe nawe unjalo? Zibuze: ‘Ingabe ngithambekele ekubambeni amagqubu? Ngishesha kangakanani ukucasuka? Ingabe nginomkhuba wokuphendula izinto eziwubala zibe yindaba enkulu?’ IBhayibheli lithi “lowo oqhubeka ekhuluma ngendaba uhlukanisa abantu abangabangane.” (IzAga 17:9; UmShumayeli 7:9) Lokho kungenzeka nasemshadweni. Ngakho uma unenkinga yokubamba amagqubu, zibuze, ‘Ngingakwazi yini ukumbekezelela kakhudlwana umuntu engishade naye?’—Isimiso seBhayibheli: 1 Petru 4:8.

Nquma ukuthi yini ebaluleke ngempela. IBhayibheli lithi kukhona “isikhathi sokuthula nesikhathi sokukhuluma.” (UmShumayeli 3:7) Akuwona wonke amaphutha okudingeka kuxoxwe ngawo; ngezinye izikhathi ungamane nje ‘ukhulume ngenhliziyo, phezu kombhede wakho, kodwa uthule.’ (IHubo 4:4) Uma kunokuthile okungakuphathanga kahle ofuna nikhulume ngakho, linda kuze kube yilapho intukuthelo isibohlile. Owesifazane oshadile okuthiwa uBeatriz uthi, “Uma ngiphatheke kabi, ngiqale ngizame ukwehlisa umoya. Ngezinye izikhathi kamuva ngiyaye ngibone ukuthi vele bekungelona iphutha elibi kangako futhi emva kwalokho ngithambekela kakhudlwana ekukhulumeni ngenhlonipho.”—Isimiso seBhayibheli: IzAga 19:11.

Ukuqonda okushiwo “ukuthethelela.” EBhayibhelini, igama elithi “thethelela” ngezinye izikhathi lihunyushwe lisuselwa egameni lolimi lokuqala elinomqondo wokudedela okuthile. Ngakho-ke, ukuthethelela akusho ukuthi kufanele ukuthalalise ukuphathwa kabi noma wenze sengathi akwenzekanga lutho; kusho ukuthi umane nje uyaxola, uqaphela ukuthi ukubamba igqubu kungayilimaza kakhulu impilo yakho nomshado wakho kunempatho engeyinhle.