Ukukhulumisana—Kungaphezu Kokuxoxa Nje

AKE ucabange ngesixuku sezivakashi sibuka indawo enhle. Nakuba lonke iqembu libuka indawo efanayo, umuntu ngamunye uyibona ngendlela ehlukile kweyomunye. Kungani? Kungenxa yokuthi umuntu ngamunye unendawo abuka ekuyo ehlukile. Abekho abantu ababili abami endaweni efana ncimishí. Ngaphezu kwalokho, akubona bonke abagxila engxenyeni efanayo yalendawo. Umuntu ngamunye uthola isici esehlukile singesithakazelisa ngokukhethekile.

Kungokufanayo nasemshadweni. Abekho abangane ababili abanombono ofana ncimishí ngezinto, ngisho noma befanelana kakhulu. Indoda nomfazi bayehluka ezicini ezinjengokwakheka okungokomzwelo, okuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni, nethonya lomkhaya. Imibono engafani eba umphumela ingaba umthombo wengxabano embi. Umphostoli uPawulu wakubeka ngokungagwegwesi: “Labo abashadayo bayoba nobuhlungu nosizi.”—1 Korinte 7:28, The New English Bible.

Ukukhulumisana kuhlanganisa nomzamo wokuhlanganisa lokhu kungafani kube ubuhlobo obunyamanye. Lokhu kudinga ukuba kwenziwe isikhathi sokuxoxa. (Bheka ibhokisi elisekhasini 7.) Kodwa kuhileleke okwengeziwe.

Ukubonisa Ukuqonda

Isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Inhliziyo yohlakaniphile yenza umlomo wakhe ubonise ukuqonda, nasezindebeni zakhe yenezele ukunxusa.” (IzAga 16:23, NW) Igama lesiHeberu elihunyushwe lapha ngokuthi ‘yenza ubonise’ ukuqonda ngokuyisisekelo lisho ukuba ngohlakaniphile, ukuhlaziya izinto ngokucophelela engqondweni. Ngakho-ke, indawo eyinhloko yokukhulumisana okuphumelelayo yinhliziyo, hhayi umlomo. Umuntu okwazi ukuxhumana kahle nomunye kumelwe enze okungaphezu kokuxoxa; kumelwe abe isilaleli esinozwela. (Jakobe 1:19) Kumelwe aqonde imizwa nezizathu ezingalé kokuziphatha komngane wakhe okubonakala ngaphandle.—IzAga 20:5.

Kanjani? Ngezinye izikhathi lokhu kungafezwa ngokubheka izimo ezibangela ingxabano. Ingabe umngane wakho ungaphansi kokucindezeleka okunzima okungokomzwelo noma okungokomzimba? Ingabe ukugula kunengxenye esimweni somngane wakho? “Yeka intokozo okuyiyo ukuthola izwi elifanele lesenzakalo esifanele!” kusho iBhayibheli. (IzAga 15:23, Today’s  English Version) Ngakho ukucabangela izimo kuyokusiza ukuba usabele ngendlela efanele.—IzAga 25:11.

Nokho, ngokuvamile, imbangela yengxabano igxile ezintweni ezingalé kwezimo zangalesosikhathi.

Ukuqonda Isikhathi Esidlule

Okuhlangenwe nakho esakuthola ebuntwaneni kwenza okukhulu kakhulu ekulolongeni indlela esicabanga ngayo lapho sesibadala. Njengoba abangane bomshado bevela emikhayeni ehlukile, imibono engqubuzanayo ayinakugwenywa.

Isenzakalo esilotshwe eBhayibhelini siyakubonisa lokhu. Lapho umphongolo wesivumelwano ubuyiselwa eJerusalema, uDavide wayibonakalisa obala injabulo yakhe. Kodwa kuthiwani ngomkakhe, uMikhali? IBhayibheli liyalandisa: “UMikhali indodakazi kaSawule walunguza efasiteleni; wabona inkosi uDavide itshekula, isina phambi kukaJehova; wayidelela enhliziyweni yakhe.”—2 Samuweli 6:14-16.

UMikhali wabonisa isimo sengqondo sikayise ongalungile, uSawule, sokungabi nakholo. Abakhulumela iBhayibheli uC. F. Keil no F. Delitzsch basikisela ukuthi lokhu kuyisizathu sokuthi kungani uMikhali kubhekiselwa kuye evesini 16 ngokuthi “indodakazi kaSawule” kunokuba kuthiwe umka-Davide. Ingxabano eyalandela phakathi kwabo ikwenza kukhanye ukuthi uDavide noMikhali babengenawo umbono ofanayo ngalesenzakalo esijabulisayo.—2 Samuweli 6:20-23.

Lesibonelo sibonisa ukuthi amathonya amancanyana abangelwa indlela esikhuliswe ngayo angabangela ukuba indoda nomfazi babe nombono ongafani ngezinto. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngisho noma bobabili bemunye ekukhonzeni uJehova. Ngokwesibonelo, umfazi ongazange athole ukusekelwa okungokomzwelo okwanele lapho eseyingane angase abonise isidingo sokwamukelwa nokuqinisekiswa esingaphezu kwesivamile. Lokhu kungase kuyidide indoda. “Ngingase ngimtshele izikhathi eziyikhulu ukuthi ngiyamthanda,” ingase ibabaze, “kodwa noma kunjalo ngeke kwanele!”

Kulesibonelo, ukukhulumisana kuhilela ukuba “yilowo nalowo angabheki okwakhe‚ kepha yilowo abheke nokwabanye.” (Filipi 2:4) Ukuze baxhumane, indoda kumelwe ibheke umkayo ngombono wesikhathi sakhe esidlule kunokuba imbheke ngokombono wayo siqu. Yiqiniso, nomfazi kufanele ashukunyiselwe ukuba enze okufanayo ngomyeni wakhe.—1 Korinte 10:24.

Lapho Isikhathi Esidlule Sasingesokuxhashazwa

Isithakazelo somuntu siqu sibaluleke ngokukhethekile lapho umngane adlwengulwa noma waxhashazwa ngokobulili lapho eseyingane—ngokudabukisayo, okuyinkinga eyandayo namuhla. Ngokwesibonelo, umfazi angase athole ukuthi ngezikhathi zokuhlangana ngokobulili, akakwazi ukuhlukanisa okwenzeka ngalesisikhathi kokwenzeka esikhathini esidlule, phakathi komngane wakhe nomuntu owamenza isilo sengubo, noma ubuhlobo bobulili ekuxhashazweni ngokobulili. Lokhu kungaba okukhungathekisayo, ikakhulukazi uma indoda ingayicabangeli  lendaba ebucayi ngokombono womkayo.—1 Petru 3:8.

Nakuba ungeke uziguqule izinto ezenzeka esikhathini esidlule noma uyelaphe ngokuphelele imiphumela yazo, ungenza okuningi ukuze ududuze umngane ocindezelekile. (IzAga 20:5) Kanjani? “Nina madoda kufanele nizame ukuqonda abafazi enihlala nabo,” kwabhala uPetru. (1 Petru 3:7, Phillips) Ukuqonda izinto ezenzeka esikhathini esidlule somngane wakho womshado kuyingxenye ebalulekile yokuxhumana. Ngaphandle kozwela, amazwi akho ngeke asize ngalutho.

UJesu “waba-nesihe” lapho ebona ababegula, ngisho nakuba yena ngokwakhe zazingakaze zimphathe izifo zabo. (Mathewu 14:14) Ngokufanayo, kungenzeka wena ngokwakho awuzange ubhekane nokunganakwa okufanayo noma ukuxhashazwa njengoba kwenzeka kumkakho, kodwa kunokuba ululaze usizi lwakhe, kwamukele okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe kwesikhathi esidlule, bese uyamsekela. (IzAga 18:13) UPawulu wabhala: “Kepha thina esinamandla sifanele ukuthwala ubuthakathaka babangenamandla‚ singazithokozisi thina.”—Roma 15:1.

Ukubanjwa Ugibe Lwentukuthelo

Umshado unjengesitsha esiyigugu. Lapho usuwonakaliswe ukuphinga, kwenzeka umonakalo ongenakulinganiswa. (IzAga 6:32) Yiqiniso, uma umngane ongenacala enquma ukumthethelela onecala, izicucu zingananyathiselwa ndawonye ngokubuyisana. Kodwa izimfa ziyasala, futhi phakathi nengxabano, kungase kube khona ukuthambekela kokubheka lezozimfa bese kusetshenziswa okwenzeka esikhathini esidlule njengesikhali.

Ukuthukuthela kuyindlela evamile yokusabela ekungathembekini komngane womshado. Kodwa uma usumthethelele umngane wakho, qaphela ukuba ungenzi intukuthelo engapheli yonakalise okuhle oye wakuzuza ngesenzo sokuthethelela. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi intukuthelo ibila buthule ngaphakathi noma idedelwa ngonya, intukuthelo engapheli ibalimaza bobabili abangane. Ngani? Udokotela othile uyasikisela: “Uma uzizwa uphathwé kabi umngane wakho, kungenxa yokuthi usamkhathalela. Ngakho ngokuhoxa noma ngokufuna ukuphindisela, awulimazi umngane wakho kuphela kodwa futhi uzilimaza wena ngokwakho. Uqhubeka ubhidliza ubuhlobo ofisa sengathi bebuphelele.”

Yebo, ngeke nilungise ukungezwani kwenu emshadweni ngaphandle kokwehlisa ulaka lwenu. Ngakho-ke, ngesikhathi imizwelo ingafuthelene, xoxa ngemizwa yakho nomngane wakho. Chaza ukuthi kungani uzizwa uphatheke kabi, ukuthi yini oyidingayo ukuze uzizwe uqinisekisiwe, nokuthi yini ozoyenza ukuze ulondoloze ubuhlobo benu. Ungalokothi usebenzise okwenzeka esikhathini esidlule njengesikhali sokunqoba impikiswano.

Ukuba Umlutha Kulimaza Ukukhulumisana

Umshado uba ngaphansi kokucindezeleka okunzima lapho umngane womshado esebenzisa  kabi utshwala noma izidakamizwa. Umngane ongewona umlutha angase abe sesimweni esifana nesika-Abigayili, njengoba sibikwa eBhayibhelini. Ngesikhathi umyeni wakhe uNabali ‘ephuzé kakhulu,’ u-Abigayili wayezikhandla ezama ukuguqula imiphumela yokuziphatha kwakhe kobuwula. (1 Samuweli 25:18-31, 36) Ngokuvamile emishadweni lapho omunye umngane womshado exakwe ukuba umlutha futhi omunye ehileleke emizamweni yokushintsha ukuziphatha komlutha kufana nomkhaya kaNabali no-Abigayili. *

Ngokuqondakalayo, kuzwakala impumuzo enkulu lapho umlutha uqala ukwelulama. Kodwa lokhu kumane kuyisiqalo nje. Ake ucabange ngesiphepho esinamandla senza umonakalo edolobheni elincane. Izindlu ziyawa, izihlahla ziyasiphuka, izintambo zezingcingo ziwela phansi. Kuba nentokozo enkulu lapho isiphepho sesidlulile. Kodwa manje kudingeka kwenziwe umsebenzi omkhulu wokulungisa. Kuba ngendlela efanayo nalapho umngane womshado eqala ukululama. Ubuhlobo obuwohlokile kumelwe bakhiwe kabusha. Ukwethemba nobuqotho kumelwe kwakhiwe kabusha. Imizila yokuxhumana idinga ukwakhiwa kabusha. Ngomlutha olulamayo, lokhu kwakheka kabusha kancane kancane kuyingxenye “yobuntu obusha” iBhayibheli elifuna ukuba amaKristu abuhlakulele. Lobubuntu obusha kumelwe buhlanganise “amandla ashukumisa ingqondo yenu.”—Efesu 4:22-24, qhathanisa ne-NW.

Isifundo seBhayibheli senza ukuba uLeonard no-Elaine bayeke ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, kodwa amandla ashukumisa ingqondo ayengakasebenzi ngokugcwele. * Ngokushesha enye inkinga yokuba umlutha yavela. U-Elaine uthi, “Iminyaka engu-20 sazama ukusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli futhi sibe nomshado owanelisayo, kodwa njalo kwakufana nokubamba utalagu. Ukuba kwethu yimilutha kwakujulile. Sasingakwazi ukukuxosha ngesifundo noma ngomthandazo.”

ULeonard no-Elaine bafuna iseluleko ukuze baqonde izimbangela zokuba kwabo yimilutha. Ukwaziswa okufike ngesikhathi okuvela ‘encekwini ethembekile neqondayo’ okukhuluma ngokuxhashazwa kwezingane, ukuba umlutha wotshwala, nokuhlonipha abantu besifazane kuye kwaba wusizo ngokukhethekile. * (Mathewu 24:45-47) “Siye sasizwa ukuba silungise umonakalo futhi sibuyisane,” kusho u-Elaine.

Ukuxazulula Izinkinga

URebeka wezwa usizi olungabekezeleleki ngenxa yabafazi bendodana yakhe u-Esawu. Esaba ukuthi nenye indodana yakhe, uJakobe, izolandela isibonelo sika-Esawu, uRebeka wakuveza obala ukukhungatheka kwakhe ngokuthi kumyeni wakhe, u-Isaka: “Ngidiniwe ukuphila ngenxa yamadodakazi kaHeti; uma uJakobe ethatha umfazi kuwo amadodakazi kaHeti onjengalawa, kuwo amadodakazi alelizwe, kuyakungisiza ngani ukuphila na?”—Genesise 27:46.

Phawula ukuthi nakuba uRebeka akhuluma ngokuqinile ngemizwa yakhe, akazange amhlasele u-Isaka. Akazange athi, “Konke lokhu kungenxa yephutha lakho!” noma, “Uwena okufanele  ulawule lesimo kangcono!” Kunalokho, uRebeka wasebenzisa isivumelwano sesabizwana esithi “ngi-” ukuze achaze indlela eyayimthinta ngayo lenkinga. Lendlela yenza ukuba u-Isaka abe nozwela, hhayi isifiso sakhe sokulondoloza isithunzi sakhe. Engazizwa ehlaselwe yena siqu, ngokusobala impendulo ka-Isaka esicelweni sikaRebeka yashesha.—Genesise 28:1, 2.

Amadoda nabafazi bangafunda esibonelweni sikaRebeka. Lapho kuphakama ingxabano, hlaselani inkinga kunokuba nihlaselane nodwa. NjengoRebeka, veza ukukhungatheka kwakho ngendlela okukuthinta ngayo. Ukuthi “Ngikhungathekile ngenxa yokuthi . . .” noma, “Nginomuzwa wokuthi ngiqondwa kabi ngenxa yokuthi . . .” kuphumelela kakhulu kunokuthi “Uyangikhungathekisa!” noma, “Akwenzeki ungiqonde!”

Okungaphezu Kokuhlala Isikhathi Eside

Umshado wombhangqwana wokuqala ongabantu, u-Adamu no-Eva, wahlala amakhulu eminyaka, waveza umkhaya onamadodana namadodakazi. (Genesise 5:3-5) Kodwa lokhu akusho ukuthi umshado wawo wawukufanele ukulingiswa. Ekuqaleni, umoya wokuzibusa nokungayinaki imithetho yoMdali yokulunga konakalisa isibopho sawo sokuba nyamanye.

Ngokufanayo, namuhla umshado ungase uhlale isikhathi eside, kodwa ungase untule izici ezibalulekile zokukhulumisana. Izindlela zokucabanga ezigxilile nezici zobuntu ezingafanele kungase kudingeke zisishulwe. (Qhathanisa neyesi-2 Korinte 10:4, 5.) Lena inqubo yokufunda eqhubekayo. Kodwa iwufanele umzamo. UJehova uNkulunkulu unesithakazelo esijulile elungiselelweni lomshado, njengoba enguMdali walo. (Malaki 2:14-16; Heberu 13:4) Ngakho-ke, uma senza ingxenye yethu, singaqiniseka ukuthi uyoyiqaphela imizamo yethu abese esinikeza ukuhlakanipha namandla adingekayo ukuze silungise noma yikuphi ukwehluleka ukukhulumisana emshadweni.—Qhathanisa neHubo 25:4, 5; 119:34.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 6]

“Udoti wawuthola isikhathi esengeziwe!”

INDODA ethile nomkayo ababebhekene nezinkinga zomshado bacelwa ukuba banikeze isilinganiso sokuthi singakanani isikhathi abasichitha bechitha udoti isonto ngalinye. Impendulo yabo yathi cishe imizuzu engu-35 ngesonto, noma imizuzu emihlanu ngosuku. Base bebuzwa ukuthi singakanani isikhathi abasichitha bexoxa ndawonye. Indoda yashaqeka. Yathi: “Udoti wawuthola isikhathi esengeziwe!” yanezela: “Siyazikhohlisa uma sicabanga ukuthi imizuzu emihlanu ngosuku yanele ukuze kulondolozwe umshado. Futhi ngokuqinisekile ayisona neze isikhathi esanele sokwenza umshado uthuthuke.”

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 7]

Misani Imithetho Eyisisekelo

□ Dingidani udaba olulodwa ngesikhathi (1 Korinte 14:33, 40)

□ Veza imizwa yakho; ungabeki omunye icala (Genesise 27:46)

□ Akungashaywana (Efesu 5:28, 29)

□ Akungasetshenziswa amagama amabi (IzAga 26:20)

□ Injongo mayibe ukubuyisana, hhayi ukunqoba (Genesise 13:8, 9)

[Isithombe ekhasini 4]

Lapho kuphakama ingxabano, hlaselani inkinga kunokuba nihlaselane nodwa

[Isithombe ekhasini 8]

Veza imizwa yakho; ungabeki omunye icala