Kungani Kufanele Unqobe Isimo Sokulindela Ukuphelela?

Ingabe ukulwela kanzima ukwenza okungcono kakhulu? Ngokusobala, ukwenza kanjalo kungazuzisa wena nalabo ophila nabo ngezindlela eziningi. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye baye beqisa, baba nesimo sokulindela ukuphelela. Kusho ukuthini lokho?

ENYE incazelo yegama elithi “perfectionism [isimo sokulindela ukuphelela]” ithi “isimo sokubheka noma yini engaphelele njengengamukeleki.” Cishe wake wahlangana nabantu abanaleso simo. Uyakwazi ukubona ukuthi izimfuneko ezeqile abazilindele kwabanye zingabangela izinkinga eziningi, zenze kube nesimo sokunganeliseki nokudumazeka. Abantu abaningi abalinganiselayo bayaqaphela ukuthi isimo sokulindela ukuphelela ngomqondo wezimfuneko ezeqile nezingenakulinganisela kuzo zonke izici zokuphila akuyona into efiselekayo ngempela. Yinto okudingeka inqotshwe. Nokho, inkinga iwukuthi lapho kuziwa esimweni sethu sengqondo, kungase kube nzima ukukuqaphela ukuthambekela okunjalo kokuba nesimo sokulindela ukuphelela, ngakho kuyinselele ukukunqoba.

UNelson unemithwalo yemfanelo emikhulu nezinkinga eziningi okudingeka azixazulule. Uhlale ecubungula izibalo, futhi umkhiqizo uyinto esemqoka kuye. Isimo sokulindela ukuphelela sivame ukubhekwa njengesidingekayo ukuze umuntu aphumelele kwezemisebenzi lapho kunokuncintisana okukhulu. Nakuba abanye bengase bakwazise ukwenza kukaNelson izinto ngendlela ephumelelayo, isimo sakhe sokulindela ukuphelela simbangela izinkinga ezingokomzimba, njengekhanda elibuhlungu nokucindezeleka. Ingabe unesimo esifana nesikaNelson?

Isimo sokulindela ukuphelela siyabathinta nabantu abasha. Eseyingane, uRita, waseRio de Janeiro, wayekuthanda ukuya esikoleni. Wayezama ukungabonakali efuna ukuvelela, kodwa wayekhungatheka uma engazange aphume ngamalengiso. URita uthi: “Kusukela ngiseyingane, ngangiziqhathanisa nezinye izingane ezazinesikhathi esiningi, kuyilapho ngangihlala ngicindezelekile futhi ngenza izinto ngokuphamazela. Ngangingakaze ngizizwe nginesikhathi sokuphumula ngoba kwakuhlale kunezinto okwakudingeka zenziwe.”

 Eseyintombazanyana, uMaria wayekhala ekhungathekile lapho ehluleka ukudweba kahle njengabanye. Ngaphezu kwalokho, njengoba ayefuna ukuba nekhono eliphelele kwezomculo, wayehlala ecindezelekile futhi ekhathazekile kunokuba ajabulele umculo ayewudlala noma ayewuhlabelela. Enye intombazane yaseBrazil, uTânia, eyazama ukuba eqondayo futhi yagwema ukuncintisana, yavuma ukuthi yayisazibekela izindinganiso eziphakeme kakhulu, kokubili esikoleni nasekhaya. Yayinomuzwa wokuthi uma umsebenzi wayo ungaphelele, abantu babengeke bayithande kakhulu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngezinye izikhathi uTânia wayelindela okuningi kakhulu kwabanye, okwakumenza azizwe edumazekile futhi elusizi.

Nakuba ikhono, ukukhuthala nomuzwa wokwaneliseka kubalulekile, ukuzibekela imigomo engenakufinyeleleka kungase kuphumele ekubeni nemizwa engemihle, enjengokwesaba ukuhluleka. Abazali nabanye bangase babeke izindinganiso ezinesimo esibonisa ukulindela ukuphelela emsebenzini wesikole noma kwezemidlalo, kangangokuthi izingane zikuthole kunzima ukuzifinyelela. Ngokwesibonelo, unina kaRicardo wayelindele lukhulu kuye, efuna ukuba abe udokotela, adlale upiyano futhi akhulume izilimi eziningana. Uyabona ukuthi uma lokhu kwenziwe ngokweqile, kubangela izinkinga nokudumazeka?

Kungani Kufanele Usigweme Isimo Sokulindela Ukuphelela?

Umsebenzi wezinga eliphezulu nokufinyelela amazinga aphezulu okunemba nawokungcono kakhulu kuyinto efunwayo. Ngakho abantu kumelwe bancintisane kwezemisebenzi. Esinye isici esibangela ukuba abaningi baqhubeke belwa kanzima nakakhulu, ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa indlela yokuziphilisa. Ezinye izisebenzi ziba njengabasubathi abazidela ngokweqile ukuze baqophe umlando. Ngakho lapho ebhekene nomncintiswano wezinga eliphezulu, angase azizwe ephoqeleka ukuba aziqeqeshe ngokwengeziwe, mhlawumbe aze asebenzise nemithi yokumthuthukisa leyo anethemba lokuthi izomenza anqobe. Esikhundleni sokwenza izinto kangcono ngezinga elifanele, isimo sokulindela ukuphelela senza abantu ‘bashukunyiswe ukwesaba ukuhluleka’ noma ‘baqhutshwe ukufuna ukuphuma phambili.’—The Feeling Good Handbook.

Kuyavunywa, abanye banomuzwa wokuthi lokho abangase bakwenze kwezamakhono noma kwezemidlalo kungathuthukiswa ngaso sonke isikhathi. Nokho, ngokukaDkt. Robert S. Eliot, “isimo sokulindela ukuphelela siyisifiso esingasoze sagcwaliseka.” Uyanezela: “Sihlanganisa umuzwa wecala, ukuzivikela nokwesaba ukuhlekwa usulu.” Ngakho, yeka ukuthi ayiqiniso kanjani amazwi enkosi ehlakaniphile, uSolomoni athi: “Ngabona wonke umshikashika nakho konke okwenziwe ngekhono ukuthi kungumhawu womuntu ngomakhelwane wakhe. Nalokho kuyize nokufuna umoya.”—UmShumayeli 4:4.

Yini ongayenza uma uthambekele ekubeni nesimo sokulindela ukuphelela? Ingabe kuyiqiniso ukuthi lapho uzama ngokwengeziwe, kuba yilapho udumazeka ngokwengeziwe? Ungathanda yini ukuba ongafuni okuningi nokhululeke ngokwengeziwe? Kusho ukuthini ukuba ophelele? Ingabe awulangazeleli ukwenza ngokusemandleni akho kuyilapho ugwema isimo sokulindela ukuphelela? Uma abantu abangaphelele bengakwazi ukusebenzisa amakhono abo abawanikwe uNkulunkulu ukuze bathole izinto ezizozuzisa abanye, cabanga ngalokho isintu esingakufinyelela ngaphansi kwezimo eziphelele nangesiqondiso saphezulu!

[Isithombe ekhasini 4]

Abazali noma abanye bangase balindele ukuphelela izingane ezingenakukufinyelela