Izihluthulelo Zenjabulo Yomkhaya
Ukuzibophezela Emshadweni Wakho
Inkosikazi ithi: “Kwase kuyisikhathi esithile ngiphawula ukuthi umyeni wami, uMichael, uqhelelene nami ngokomzwelo futhi akanamusa ezinganeni. * Indlela aziphatha ngayo yashintsha ngemva nje kokuba sithole i-Internet, futhi ngasola ukuthi ubukela izithombe ezingcolile kuyi-computer. Ngolunye usuku lapho izingane sezilele, ngamqonda ngqo, futhi wavuma ukuthi ubebuka izingosi ze-Internet zezithombe ezingcolile. Ngaphatheka kabi. Angizange ngikholwe ukuthi lokhu kwenzeka kimi. Kwaphela nyá ukumethemba. Okwenza isimo saba sibi nakakhulu ukuthi kunothile engisebenza naye owayeseqale ukungeshela.”
Indoda ithi: “Esikhathini esithile esidlule umkami uMaria wathola isithombe kuyi-computer yethu futhi wangibuza ngaso. Lapho ngimtshela ukuthi ngivame ukungena ezingosini ze-Internet zezithombe ezingcolile, wathukuthela wagan’ unwabu. Ngazizwa nginamahloni kakhulu futhi nginecala. Ngangicabanga ukuthi umshado wethu uphelile.”
UCABANGA ukuthi kwenzekani ebuhlotsheni bukaMichael noMaria? Ungase ucabange ukuthi inkinga enkulu kaMichael kwakuwukubuka izithombe ezingcolile. Kodwa njengoba uMichael aqaphela, lo mkhuba omubi wawuwuphawu lwenkinga ejule kakhulu—ukuntuleka kokuzibophezela emshadweni. * Lapho uMichael noMaria besanda kushada, babebheke phambili ekuhlanganyeleni uthando nezinto ezijabulisayo. Kodwa njengemibhangqwana eminingi, ukuzibophezela kwabo emshadweni kwancipha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, futhi kwabonakala sengathi bayaqhelelana.
Ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi isibopho esiphakathi kwakho noshade naye siye saba buthaka njengoba kuhamba iminyaka? Ungathanda yini ukulungisa leso simo? Uma kunjalo, kudingeka wazi izimpendulo zemibuzo emithathu: Kusho ukuthini ukuzibophezela emshadweni wakho? Yiziphi izinselele ezingalulaza lokho kuzibophezela? Yini ongayenza ukuze uqinise ukuzibophezela kwakho koshade naye?
Kuyini Ukuzibophezela?
Ungakuchaza kanjani ukuzibophezela emshadweni? Abaningi bangathi kubangelwa umuzwa wesibopho. Ngokwesibonelo, umbhangqwana ungase uhlale uzibophezele emshadweni wawo ngenxa yezingane noma ngenxa yesibopho kuNkulunkulu, uMsunguli womshado. (Genesise 2:22-24) Ngokuqinisekile, izisusa ezinjalo ziyathandeka futhi ziyowusiza umshado ukuba usinde ezikhathini ezinzima. Kodwa ukuze bajabule, abashadile kudingeka babe nomuzwa ongaphezu nje komuzwa wesibopho.
UJehova uNkulunkulu wayehlose ukuba umshado ulethe injabulo nokwaneliseka okujulile. Wayefuna ukuba umuntu ‘ajabule ngomkakhe’ nokuba owesifazane athande umyeni wakhe futhi abe nomuzwa wokuthi umyeni wakhe umthanda njengomzimba wakhe. (IzAga 5:18; Efesu 5:28) Ukuze ube naleso sibopho, umbhangqwana kumelwe ufunde ukuthembana. Okubaluleke ngendlela efanayo, kudingeka wakhe ubuhlobo bokuphila konke. Uma owesilisa nowesifazane bethembana futhi belwela ukuba abangane abakhulu, ukuzibophezela kwabo emshadweni kuyokhula. Bayokwakha isibopho iBhayibheli elisichaza ngokuthi sinamandla kangangokuba kunjengokungathi abantu ababili ‘banyamanye.’—Mathewu 19:5.
Ngakho-ke, ukuzibophezela kungafaniswa nosimende ohlanganisa izitini zendlu ziqine. Usimende wenziwa ngezinto eziningana, ezihlanganisa isihlabathi namanzi. Ngokufanayo, ukuzibophezela kwakhiwa inhlanganisela yezici ezinjengesibopho, ukuthembana nobungane. Yini engenza leso sibopho sibe buthaka?
Ziyini Izinselele?
Ukuzibophezela kudinga ukuzikhandla nokuzidela. Kudinga ukuba uzimisele ukudela lokho okufunayo ukuze ujabulise oshade naye. Kodwa, umcabango wokwamukela izifiso zomunye umuntu—ukupha ngaphandle kokubuza ukuthi, ‘Ngizotholani?’—awuthandeki futhi uyabacasula nokubacasula abaningi. Kodwa zibuze, ‘Bangaki abantu abanobugovu engibaziyo abajabulayo emshadweni?’ Cishe impendulo iwukuthi, Bambalwa uma bekhona. Ngani? Umuntu onobugovu cishe ngeke ahlale ezibophezele emshadweni uma kudingeka azidele, ikakhulukazi uma kungenamvuzo osheshayo wokuzidela okuncane. Ngaphandle kokuzibophezela, ubuhlobo buyoba muncu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuzwa wothando wawujabulisa kangakanani lapho umbhangqwana uqala ukuthandana.
IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi umshado udinga ukuzikhandla. Lithi “indoda eshadile ikhathazeka ngezinto zezwe, ukuthi ingakuthola kanjani ukwamukelwa ngumkayo,” nokuthi “owesifazane oshadile ukhathazeka ngezinto zezwe, ukuthi angakuthola kanjani ukwamukelwa ngumyeni wakhe.” (1 Korinte 7:33, 34) Ngeshwa, ngisho nabangane bomshado abangenabugovu ngokuvamile abakuqapheli ukukhathazeka komunye noma bazise ukuzidela kwakhe. Uma umbhangqwana uhluleka ukwazisana, umshado wawo cishe uyowubangela ‘usizi kakhulu enyameni’ kunalolo obungalubangela.—1 Korinte 7:28.
Ukuze umshado wenu usinde ezikhathini ezinzima futhi ujabulise ezikhathini ezinhle, kudingeka nihlakulele umbono wobuhlobo obuhlala njalo. Ungasihlakulela kanjani leso simo sengqondo, futhi ungamkhuthaza kanjani oshade naye ukuba ahlale ezibophezele kuwe?
Indlela Yokuqinisa Ukuzibophezela
Isihluthulelo esiyinhloko siwukusebenzisa iseluleko seZwi likaNkulunkulu, iBhayibheli ngokuzithoba. Ngokwenza kanjalo ‘uyozizuzisa’ wena noshade naye. (Isaya 48:17) Cabangela izinyathelo nje ezimbili eziwusizo ongazithatha.
Zinike isikhathi sokuba noshade naye
1. Umshado wakho mawuze kuqala.
Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: “Niqiniseke ngezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu.” (Filipi 1:10) Emehlweni kaNkulunkulu, indlela indoda nomkayo abaphathana ngayo ibalulekile. Indoda eyazisa umkayo iyohlonishwa uNkulunkulu. Kanti owesifazane ohlonipha umyeni wakhe ‘unenani elikhulu emehlweni kaNkulunkulu.’—1 Petru 3:1-4, 7.
Ubaluleke kangakanani umshado wakho kuwe? Ngokuvamile, uma into ibalulekile, uchitha isikhathi esengeziwe kuyo. Zibuze: ‘Kule nyanga edlule, singakanani isikhathi engisibekele eceleni sokuba nomuntu engishade naye? Iziphi izinto ezingokoqobo engizenzile ukuze ngimqinisekise ukuthi sisengabangane abakhulu?’ Uma ungazinikanga isikhathi sokuqinisa umshado wakho, oshade naye angase akuthole kunzima ukukholelwa ukuthi uzibophezele kulobu buhlobo.
Ingabe oshade naye ucabanga ukuthi uzibophezele emshadweni wenu? Ungazi kanjani?
ZAMA LOKHU: Bhala uhlu lwezinto ezinhlanu ezilandelayo ephepheni: imali, umsebenzi, umshado, ukuzijabulisa, nabangane. Manje bhala izinombolo kulolu hlu ngokwalokho okholelwa ukuthi kuza kuqala koshade naye. Cela oshade naye ukuba enze okufanayo. Lapho seniqedile, shintshanani ngamaphepha. Uma oshade naye enomuzwa wokuthi awuchithi isikhathi esanele namandla emshadweni, xoxani ngoshintsho okudingeka nilwenze ukuze niqinise ukuzibophezela kwenu omunye komunye. Futhi, zibuze, ‘Yini engingayenza ukuze ngibonise isithakazelo esithe xaxa ezintweni ezibalulekile kwengishade naye?’
Ukungathembeki kuqala enhliziyweni
2. Gwema zonke izinhlobo zokungethembeki.
UJesu Kristu wathi: “Wonke umuntu oqhubeka ebuka owesifazane aze amkhanuke, usephingile naye kakade enhliziyweni yakhe.” (Mathewu 5:28) Lapho umuntu elala nothile angashadile naye, usuke ehlasela umshado ngegalelo elibulalayo, iBhayibheli elithi liyisisekelo sesehlukaniso. (Mathewu 5:32) Kodwa amazwi kaJesu acashunwe ngenhla abonisa ukuthi isifiso esingalungile singaba senhliziyweni isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba umuntu aphinge ngokoqobo. Ukugxila esifisweni esingalungile kuwukukhaphela kohlobo oluthile.
Ukuze ulondoloze ukuzibophezela kwakho emshadweni, yenza isinqumo esiwujuqu sokuthi ngeke uzibuke izithombe ezingcolile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi abaningi bathini, izithombe ezingcolile ziwubuthi emshadweni. Phawula indlela owesifazane othile ayichaza ngayo indlela azizwa ngayo ngomkhuba womyeni wakhe wokubuka lezi zithombe: “Umyeni wami uthi ukubuka izithombe ezingcolile kunandisa uthando lwethu. Kodwa zingenza ngizizwe ngingento yalutho, ukuthi anganele kuye. Ngikhala ngize ngizumeke uma ezibukela.” Ungasho yini ukuthi le ndoda iqinisa ukuzibophezela kwayo emshadweni, noma iyawululaza? Ucabanga ukuthi ikwenza kube lula yini ngomkayo ukuhlala ezibophezele emshadweni? Ingabe imphatha njengomngane wayo omkhulu?
Indoda ethembekile uJobe yazwakalisa ukuzibophezela kwayo emshadweni nakuNkulunkulu wayo ngokwenza ‘isivumelwano namehlo ayo.’ Yayizimisele ukuba ‘ingayinaki intombi.’ (Jobe 31:1) Ungamlingisa kanjani uJobe?
Ngaphandle nje kokugwema izithombe ezingcolile, kudingeka ulonde inhliziyo yakho inganamatheli ngokungafanele kothile wobulili obuhlukile. Yiqiniso, abaningi banomuzwa wokuthi ukudlala ngothando nabobulili obuhlukile akuwulimazi umshado. Kodwa iZwi likaNkulunkulu liyasixwayisa: “Inhliziyo ikhohlisa ngaphezu kwanoma yini enye futhi yenza ngokuphelelwa yithemba. Ubani ongase ayazi?” (Jeremiya 17:9) Ingabe inhliziyo yakho ikukhohlisile? Zibuze: ‘Ubani engimnaka kakhulu—engishade naye noma othile wobulili obuhlukile? Ubani engimtshela izindaba ezijabulisayo kuqala—engishade naye noma othile ohlukile? Uma engishade naye ebengangicela ukuba nginciphise ubuhlobo nomngane othile wobulili obuhlukile, bengiyosabela kanjani? Bengiyocasuka, noma bengiyokujabulela ukwenza ushintsho alucelayo?’
ZAMA LOKHU: Uma uzithola ukhangwa othile ongashadile naye, linganisela ukusebenzelana kwakho naye futhi kwenzeke kuphela uma kudingekile. Ungagxili ezintweni ocabanga ukuthi lo muntu ungcono kuzo uma eqhathaniswa nomuntu oshade naye. Kunalokho, gxila ezimfanelweni ezinhle zomngane wakho womshado. (IzAga 31:29) Khumbula izizathu ezakwenza ukuba umthande. Zibuze, ‘Ingabe engishade naye akasenazo ngempela lezi zimfanelo, noma ngiyaziziba?’
Thatha Isinyathelo Kuqala
UMichael noMaria, abacashunwe ekuqaleni, banquma ukucela iseluleko sokuxazulula izinkinga zabo. Kuyiqiniso, ukucela iseluleko kuyisinyathelo nje sokuqala. Ngokuzimisela ukubhekana nezinkinga zabo nangokucela usizo, uMichael noMaria babonisa ngokucacile ukuthi bazibophezele emshadweni wabo, ukuthi bazimisele ukuzikhandla ukuze uphumelele.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umshado wakho uqinile noma unezinkinga, oshade naye kudingeka azi ukuthi uzibophezele ekwenzeni umshado uphumelele. Thatha noma iziphi izinyathelo ezifanele zokuqinisekisa oshade naye ngalokho. Ingabe uzimisele ukwenza lokho?
^ isig. 3 Amagama ashintshiwe.
^ isig. 5 Nakuba isibonelo esisetshenziswe lapha kungesendoda ebuka izithombe ezingcolile, owesifazane owenza okufanayo naye ubeyobe ebonisa ukuthi akazibophezele emshadweni.
ZIBUZE . . .
Iziphi izinto engingazinciphisa ukuze ngichithe isikhathi esithe xaxa nengishade naye?
Yini engingayenza ukuze ngiqinisekise engishade naye ukuthi ngizibophezele emshadweni wethu?